A Perfect Day

Yo,

I was gonna tell you about how wonderfully unexciting my day was. I was also going to explain how beautiful it is to lay down and enjoy peace and quiet.
But I think I'll just settle with telling you I'm rather too busy playing Doom on xbox for a bit then I'm off to bed.

And please have a WONDERFUL Eid. (Do it to the people who weren't able to celebrate it for the past 5 years - As a matter of fact, I don't even remember what it's like).

3eedkom Mbarak All.

P.S.

On my way home I "borrowed" a pack of cigarettes and 2 bottles of water from my friend's place. And yes I will be using them.

Is that considered stealing?

KONICHIWA BITCHES!

So you're going to America?

Passport - Check
Bags - Check
English Language? ...

What if you encounter the infamous "American street thugs"?
How would you communicate to ensure your safety?

What if communicating doesn't work?
You'll need to be fit, and quick on your toes!

We suggest that you watch this [03:46] Video, it's worth EVERY SECOND! (And who knows? Maybe it'd save your life one day).



The fact that they're manifesting a smile while doing that ignominious show is PRICELESS!

P.S. This post was written by !Red, Nasser was watching Brokeback Mountain. (Fucking Faggot).

Microsoft is Embarrassing!

I've often wished to be a Billionaire. Hell! Who am I kidding?
One Million would be more than enough for me, after all too much money is unhealthy! (Poor people's Talk).
Now I've changed my mind.

Here's a Video explaining why (01:12):



If that's what money could do to people, FUCK IT, you can keep it!

But WAIT, there's more (01:04)..



That's him 15 years back.

In case you didn't know who this guy is. Well, He's Steve Ballmer - CEO of Microsoft!
The 13.6 Billion Dollar Man.

I couldn't watch it without feeling awkward!

* Did money do this to him? Or did he do this for money?

P.S. Money may buy almost everything, except self-respect! FUCKING CLOWN!

Weird Ad

weird ad
Originally uploaded by CooLFreaK.

I really want to goto Papa's & Granny's, I've been wanting Whatnots for forever now! What the hell is whatnots? I don't think they needed to put whatnots in this ad.
But You can see how exclusive the store is - It opens only twice a week!
Can't wait to get my whatnots!

Happy Day

You know your life is meaningless when you wake up at 2:15 AM.
The good part? In few hours everything would be open since its not "Christmas" anymore.

But I know this day is heading to a weird start when first thing I thought of was:

How much does one need to donate and/or be sick to name a disease after one?

Damn you Lou Gehrig's for planting those thoughts in me!

Sex Machine Dies at 73

YES!
The Original Sex Machine died.
The "Godfather" of Soul, James brown died in Atlanta after being hospitalized with pneumonia.
Causes of death are still uncertain.
I hope He "Feels Good".



P.S. Don't do something stupid like typing: 3atham Allah ajrik, albaqiya fi 7ayatik OR a7san allah 3azakom.

Last Minute Christmas Gift!

It's NEVER too late!

Christmas?

I don't celebrate it. I don't feel the spirit. I think it's because I'm not Pagan or maybe I'm just an exact replica of Ebenezer Scrooge, AND I LOVE IT!

In all fairness, I do celebrate June 9th, but that's not the case.
If you think your Christmas sucks, wait till you see Little Carl's Christmas.



Bah, HUMBUG!

Sir Bartholomew in Kuwait - 1938

We've been blessed with oil. I've been telling my friends that our attitude should be to improve ourselves rather than taking it for granted. Then we started imagining how life would be for us without oil. It was one depressing thought. Our education sucks, health care is worse than death and many of our people are shallowly into useless trends. We need to change all that and improve. We've nothing to offer to the world but oil, without it we'd be like Botswana, (whatever Botswana is).

Just for fun, I made up a conversation that would've took place in 1938, had the Brits not discover Petroleum in Kuwait:

Sir Bartholomew: Goodness Gracious, it's rather blistering here, don't you say Nigel?

Nigel: Indeed your Excellency.

Sir Bartholomew: What's up with these bloody Bedouins in that bloody Dish-Dash of theirs.

Nigel: I reckon they took it from the Scots, Sire.

Sir Bartholomew: So what's the word lad? Did we find anything?

Nigel: Owt Sire, only sand, lots of it.

Sir Bartholomew: Are you indicating I'm in the back and beyond for donkey's year being courteous with those barbaric pillocks for naught Nigel?

Nigel: Bob's your uncle Sire.

Sir Bartholomew: That's Gormless! Crikey Nigel - It appears like we've naught to pinch from this pig's ear. We've no need for them.

Nigel: Shall I address Her Majesty's Navy to annihilate them Sire?

Sir Bartholomew: Dear God, no Nigel, they smell like cabbage. Let them go to rack and ruin in their dessert.

Nigel: Jolly good then. Pip pip cheerio and all that rot Kuwait!

***

In other words, the world isn't being nice to us "3ashan suwad e3yoona". The world can only take so much bullshit before it loses it. So lets not be self centered and lets make our country proud.

P.S. As much as I'm fascinated with the British Language - YES! For me, it's a different language - I've no knowledge nor understanding of it. Also, as much as I tried, I can't get a hold of the accent. (But I can master Hic, Chinese & Jamaican so that ought to make up for it). :P

P.S.S. No offense intended towards the United Kingdom and Botswana as countries, governments and as citizens. I was just trying to make a point.

Movie Review - Rocky Balboa

Rocky Balboa is BACK!
At first, I didn't want to watch it. I thought: Isn't he kind of too old for this?
It wasn't until my little brother called and asked me to go watch it that I decided to do so. He was pissed for not being able to watch it. I basically did it for him, (I'm not sure how that would make any sense, but it did to us).

What's a steroid pumped 60 y/o senior doing? What's he trying to prove?
Overall, I thought the movie was "incredible", from storyline till production. I really loved it.
Rocky Balboa is a MUST SEE!

I also found out why I, subliminally, didn't want to watch it.

Since before I was born Rocky was punching people. Whenever I watched any of the old Rocky series I usually got badly influenced. Basically making me talk shit and try to pick a fight with anyone; which usually got me knocked the FUCK out. Thank God I'm too old for this shit now.



Rocky Balboa also had me thinking, whenever seeing a steroid pumped young guy I usually relate it to his low self-esteem. Those people with gorilla hormones inside them aren't stupid, they seem stupid because they haven't enough confidence to make their own decisions. But when seeing a guy well over his youth pumping steroids, what's the message he's trying to send?

I think it's excess ego. Those people should listen to Marcellus Wallace telling them what he told Butch in Pulp Fiction: "The night of the fight, you may feel a slight sting. That's pride fucking with you. Fuck pride. Pride only hurts, it never helps."

P.S. Sylvester Stallone is working on his 4th Rambo Movie. Some people just don't know when to quit.

Loans Revisited!

The people are revolting!

I heard after washing their hands from the National Assembly of Kuwait they've moved elsewhere to get money. Now they're in England presenting their issues to the United Kingdom's House of Commons.

As a matter of fact, this time they've a solid plan. Our people are starting campaigns all over the world.

Now they're playing the pity card to gain Her Majesty's sympathy.

Apparently in their new campaign they're sending their children to beg instead of them; since it's hard for them to part their Louis Vuitton handbags, Chanel sunglasses & top shelf Nokias.

I managed to get my hands on one of their video messages:



P.S. I've done talking about the debt issue here.

Mananana!

Life's like a movie, write your own ending

Kermit the Frog



I appreciate the Muppets on a much deeper level than you.

A Letter to President Najad.

I admire Mahmoud Ahmadi Najad's personality. I also think he should've been Time Magazine's Person of the Year. I don't follow any politic point of view nor movement, nor do I prefer a certain political system. But I do admire his personality. I mean he's like a hermit, being a constant target for criticism. I think all the dude wants is peace, love, support and technology. He's trying to better his country by all means and that's one his simplist right. Granted, I'm worried about his nuclear program. I mean if shit went down Kuwait would suffer too. And I'm not really interested in seeing 3 eyed Kuwaitis anytime soon, (they intensely stare as it is)!

Few days back I was watching News and heard about his Holocaust "denial".

Again, I would like to note:
* I'm not Pro-Jews nor am I Anti-Jews. (I have no need for enemies - Hamza).
* AND, I'm in NO WAY against President Najad, I truely admire the guy. (He's a fellow Blogger for fuck sake!)

BUT, come on dude. You can't say: "Guess what? The Holocaust? *clap hands* NEVER HAPPENED!" And not sound like wacky KKKramer of Seinfeld.

I took few History classes and the PhDs assured me that victims weren't as much as 5 - 7 Million. Granted they're from the South, but I was convinced. Yet, that doesn't mean the Holocaust never existed.

I did a mini-study and came up with the following:

Holocaust: Noun, 1 : a sacrifice consumed by fire - 2 : a thorough destruction involving extensive loss of life especially through fire (a nuclear holocaust) - 3 a often capitalized : the mass slaughter of European civilians and especially Jews by the Nazis during World War II -- usually used with the b : a mass slaughter of people; especially : GENOCIDE

Which brings me to Genocide.
There are actually stages for a genocide to take place:

1- Classification.
2- Symbolization.
3- Dehumanization.
4- Organization.
5- Polarization.
6- Identification.
7- Extermination.
8- Denial.

I think during World War II those steps took place towards the Polish & Jews - Double Whammy for the Polish Jews'. :P

I'm not sure how many people should be killed for us to consider it a "Genocide". But I'm guessing 1000 is enough?
I'm also sure that during WWII MORE than 1000 Jews died.

Which brings me to this:

Dear President Najad,

Hello kind sir, my name is Nasser, I'm a Muslim, Kuwaiti Mac user. I'd like to know how your Highness came to the conclusion of "No Holocaust". I wouldn't dare ask this question had I came with ANY credible vindicate. As a matter of fact I'm going to share with you the best I came up with and you be the judge:

There was no Holocaust because the 1000 Jews, assuming they were only 1000, disappeared not due to an act of "Genocide". But Captain J. Kirk of the U.S.S. Enterprise of Star Trek: The Original Series a.k.a William Shatner, "Beamed" them up and took them to Planet Vulcan.

Mr. Najad, I am aware that my reason is ridiculous. That is why I only ask for enlightment on your behalf.

Sincerely backing you up all the way,
Nasser (a Kuwaiti, Muslim, Mac User & a Huge supporter).

P.S. I've two off topic questions:
1- Did Adolf Hitler really exist?
2- What kind of drug would make a man so delusional?

P.S.S. I still think you deserve to be Time Magazine's Person of The Year.

***

P.S. Just for the record I only hear about Star Trek I've seen only two episodes. But I do like William Shatner for being the original Rocket Man. He also proved to the world that he's simply too cool to sing.

P.S.S. If I didn't post for the next few days it maybe due to incarceration for I'm risking my freedom with this post. I would also like to take the oppurtunity of saying thanks readers it's been real.

***

Exercise: The Yuppie Version of Bulimia.

"Whenever I feel like exercise, I lie down until the feeling passes." Robert M. Hutchins.

Yeah, being a slob is AWESOME, yet two months of no activity is rather sad. I've been yearning to get back to my old routine, except I've no motivation.
I wouldn't like seeing two years of work disappearing within two months of laziness. All I need is one day, JUST ONE of going to the gym and everything would be peachy. I think this video had a lot of influence over my recent sluggish behavior.

The Arabian Bob Dylan

9owareekh
Originally uploaded by CooLFreaK.

Ok, he's not that good. Don't even ask how I found him. I was browsing when I saw 7jab I decided to listen to a random song. It was interesting, a whole arabic song subliminally about titties. Or maybe it's just my perverted mind. You can listen to it here.

I also took the liberty of writing down the lyrics, since I don't think anyone would understand what he was saying.

P.S. I think Mac users need to download linked files.

Seven Reasons

There are 7 major reasons to love living in Louisiana:

1- I can go grab food in my PJs & Havaianas.
2- I can goto class in my PJs & Havaianas.
3- I can go over to my friend's in my PJs and Havaianas.
4- I can goto the bank and pay bills in my PJs and Havaianas.
5- I can goto Le Cafe in my PJs and Havaianas.
6- I can goto Wal*Mart's in my PJs and Havaianas.
7- I can goto the gym in my PJs and Havaianas. (And exercise barefoot).

Life is freaking sweet, and then you die.

OS X vs. Vista

New York Times' David Pogue evaluates Windows Vista, trying to prove in his video that “Microsoft did not steal ideas from Mac OS X.”



The expert has spoken, so you might as well switch to what's right.
Long Live Steve Jobs.

Movie Review - The Pursuit of Happyness

First of, I know how to spell so shut-oop.
It was one of the first "decent" Will Smith's movies in a LOOOOOONG TIME. Ali was "decent" too. But I felt like The Pursuit of Happyness was a guy's "Chick Flick". It was all about feelings, sadness and sarrow only with few of Will's witty jokes. Halfway through the movie I was wondering when will someone get shot?
I've the attention span of a gnat, so I need me some action to keep me from not playing with things in my pocket.
So if you're into inspirational mushy movies or have a preference for reading the Chicken Soup for the Soul series, you'd love The Pursuit of Happyness.

Fuck Time Magazine!

I think Time Magazine's editor is one indecisive lazy fuck. How much time and effort did it take him in choosing EVERYONE as person of the year?

You're Time Magazine's person of the year!

Ofcoarse it's flattering when someone tells you that you're special. But let's face it, we're all unique - just like everyone else!

So I, as being "chosen" by Time Magazine as Person of the Year, decline.

I think it's bullshit and they just want to have more reach, next thing you know a "telemarketer" from Time Magazine would call and go: "Hey since we chose you as a person of the year, we think you should subscribe."

But you've got to let it slide, since 1982 they've been making rather stupid choices.

1982: The Computer (Incase you didn't notice - it's not a person).

1987: Gorbachev (With his "Leadership" the Soviet Union collapsed).

1988: Planet Earth (again, NOT A PERSON)!

1991: Ted Turner (ofcoarse, HE OWNS THE MOTHERFUCKER!)

1993: Yasser Arafat (Was he a person? Really? Well then, Fuck him & Allah yer7umah).

2000 & 2004: George Bush (No Comment - Mo wagta Jail again).

2003: The American Soldier (khali9aw elawadim).

2005: Bono (Talk about Bipolar - During the past 3 years they chose people who were in the business of killing, now a washed up musician - who happens to think he's saving lives).

Keep a straight face and tell me the editor is in his/her right mind and I'll show you an idiot. They thought everyone would be happy and proud.
Guess What Time Magazine, I'm still here!

Y'all better choose a real decent person with a real decent and significant accomplishment by 2007. After all 2006 was fucked up as it is, now all you did was add insult to the injury.

P.S. 1950 & 1966 were bad choices too.
P.S.S. My roommate decided to unsubscribe to Time Magazine.

* Approved by FAB.

Failure Pile In A Sadness Bowl

Cheese, Corn, Mashed Potato, Gravy AND "Genetically Engineered" Chicken (or whatever KFC passes as chicken to Consumers there days). ALL IN ONE BOWL!
I'm regretful to say that it's one of my favorite dishes. But my diet is a STROKE waiting to happen.

Here's how my lovely dish looks like:



And this is what Patton Oswalt had to say about it. (VERY FUNNY)!



Yeah, I'm ashamed of myself. Oh well, OFF TO KFC!

Special Olympics Academy!

So I was watching porn earlier today, erm, "Star Academy" was its name, I think. That makes it my second time watching it. Last time was to make sure the Kuwaiti guy was indeed the "Dork" who attended my highschool.

Instantaniously I remembered why I was appalled in the first place. Did I sleep through some sort of a: Let's Make Ourselves Look FUCKING Imbecile Intervention?

I was hearing cars crashing, squeeking, screeching and screaming which they claimed to be "music". While all of that was happening I couldn't make out what they were singing because they CAN'T SING!

All that I could see was: BOOBS, BOOBS, BOOBS, BOOBS, ASS, ASS, ASS, BOOBS, BOOBS, ASS, BOOBS, ASS, ASS, BOOBS, MORE BOOBS, and ASS!

For a while I thought the objective was to pick the worst performer, something like The Biggest Loser's kind of deal. So I was wondering, how did we become intellectually and culturally SOFA KING WE TODD ED? Is that entertainment? I think LBC is punking its viewers.

Watch us, Vote your country (unless you're a COMMUNIST!), GIVE US YOUR MONEY!

That wasn't the worst part, I think I'm rather worried about those people who idolize those "schmucks". The ones who want to be just like "Bashar" and/or "whoever else is making a total putz of him/herself these days".

Halfway through the show, just as I was trying to find something to pop my eardrums with (only to STOP the pain!), I actually heard that there were people out there who'd infact WANT to be there and are jealous of those POSERS!

By then, I was banging my head against the walls to distract myself from the horror I was witnessing! I decided that if I was gonna hurt that much, I'd rather do it to myself!

Incase you're too thick to notice, Star Academy is to Talent as Tofu is to Cheese!

NOTE: People, let's bring sophisticated music back! And out with this: Special "so-called Musical" Olympics Trash Contests.

P.S. I'll give it to them. They proved to have more jokes than The Police Academy Series.
P.S.S. Don't get me started with the audience. But they were SOFA KING WE TODD ED too!

* Special Thanks to "Black" for making it possible.

Shine Some Sun Where The Sun Don't Shine.

"See, you don't know what rape is like. For years, I thought it was funny. Oh yeah! Rape's so funny. Until you've been raped. You're about to find out what that's like." Carl Brutananadilewski.



There's a new fad in Kuwait, it's called Rohypnol. Although Kuwaiti potheads employed it to getting WASTED, some never failed to find a new application for it. DATE RAPE.

Earlier today I was chatting to a bright Biologist friend of mine who works for The MOI at the Forensics Department. She claimed that last month alone had 12 different cases of DATE RAPE. Now I sure as hell don't recall living in Alaska*.

I remember the old days when we couldn't "get some" we went and did "the Five Knuckle Shuffle", things were peachy back then!

Now the new craze is: Date my sweetheart - Drug her - Turn her brown eye BLUE!

Usually the victims are young girls.
Now what are we going to do about it?

I mean I can tell you exactly what would happen: After few weeks The Attorney would ask for a blood sample of the raped victim. By then, evidence would be washed out her system. There would be no conviction beyond reasonable doubt. The victim will in turn be labeled as a "Lying Slut". Was it all worth it?

I really hope that the after effects of "Rape" be washed out the system like Rohypnol, but that's not the way things go.

I wish for one day I can take care of these matters legally, I know I'd make a huge difference only because I'd be executing those bastards. Now you need to know that my ways will have no discrimination. I won't let it slide because the rapist bastard was rich or "famous". (Even though my new rule in life is not to harm an insect, but those ANIMALS are below that and it's unforgivable what they do).

When rape is proven:

Rapists shall receive the Death Penalty.
It would be public.
It will be entertaining and aired on T.V.

Now we all know Hanging is boring, too quick and WAY too soft. I want Vengeance, SOMETHING BIG, SOMETHING AWESOME (not awesome like the Oscar Meyer Hotdogs, I'm talking Shakespearean awesome, Poetic awesome). So here is my idea of an ideal punishment for those PIG FUCKS:

Location:

A "Farm** in Chabd" (where it all started).

The Penalties:

* Beheadings.

* Burning rapists on stakes! (Witches Style).

* Castration and/or emasculation - And I'm not talking about the clinical ones, I'm talking with an AXE!

* Smother the rapist with cow phermones and leave him in a room with a big horny bull, till death do them part.

* Be spanked to death with a rolled News Paper. (Wonder how long that'd take).

* Crucifixion! (That have always been a classic).

* Lock two rapists in a room with each other. Since they have no shame nor self control eventually they'd fuck eachother to death.

* Load their asses with suppository C4 and BLOW THEIR BLOW HOLES (Preperation C4).

* Ivan's style: A large frying pan filled with boiling KY GEL, I'm not sure if that'd work but Fry those bastards (DICKS 1st).

* Bungee jump them to death. But instead of tying the rope around the waist, tie around the balls. That's going to be PAINFUL.

Imagine all that on TV, with Instant Replay, slow motion and everything! 3ebra leman la ya3tabir!
I know guys would think twice about spiking drinks. I know rape would be a word never to be used again in Kuwait.

I also know the "Spermatoza Channel" will get great ratings. With few advertisements that'd pay the cost of each execution from sponsors like: KY, Durex and Viagra (or as I like to call it: Erection In Defiance of God's Will - EIDOGW for short).

And girls, what did mommy and daddy tell you about taking foods/drinks from strangers? When someone says they love you don't hesitate sneaking a peak at their crotch, if you see a bulge - RETREAT! (Unless Y'all are cool like that).

Speaking of rape I found this article few days back. I can't help but ask, WHY? What kind of social life did he have?

* Alaska: The highest Rape Rate in The United States is in Alaska! Silly of me, I thought it was too cold to get naked.

** Can't help but smile when reading/writing the word farm in association with Kuwait.

***Dedicated to G. Thanks :)

Truth Hurts

If you were like me, then your bigmouth gets you into plenty of trouble.

Emily Dickinson once said:Truth is such a rare thing, it is delighted to tell it.
Obviously she didn't know what she was talking about.

Somethings I say are out of place, others are labelled: inappropriate. (But all is true). I'm not talking about views and opinions. I'm talking about things you see but never talk about, like weird scars or big moles, (metaphorically).

Right now my defense is Winter.
But after many incidents, it got me thinking: I need James Earl Jones or Don LaFontaine (the movie announcer guy) in my head.

So when a female ask me how that purple shirt looks, I wouldn't say fat. Or if an ignorant Professor talks about Kuwait, being a Dictatorship in an example, I wouldn't manage to let my grade go down to a C by coughing: "BULLSHIT" in the middle of lecture. I seriously need James Earl Jones to help stop me from letting my big mouth get me into trouble.

His job would be easy. Just before I utter something weird or out of place, he goes: WRONG!

Henri-Frederic Amiel Said: Truth is not only violated by falsehood; it may be equally outraged by silence.

I used to believe in it. But for now, I'll just shut up.

Sexual Harassment: How Young is Too Young?

30 minutes back I was in a dilemma on what to write. As a matter of fact, I've got 4 ideas other than the many already saved as drafts. But I just checked the latest news where I found the most outrageous article since M. Al-Sahaf (The Wacky Iraqi).

"BELLMEAD- A four-year-old hugged his teachers aide and was put into in-school suspension, according to the father. But La Vega school administrators have a different story. Damarcus Blackwell’s four-year-old son was lining-up to get on the bus after school last month, when he was accused of rubbing his face in the chest of a female employee. The prinicipal of La Vega Primary School sent a letter to the Blackwells that said the pre-kindergartener demonstrated “inappropriate physical behavior interpreted as sexual contact and/or sexual harassment.”

I'm not sure how they misinterpreted a hug. He's 4 YEARS OLD! How can an INFANT know what's right from what's not? It's a hug.

PLUS! I decided to put a new "Man" rule:

"In the event of a female hugging a shorter male, say titty high, it's totally "fair game" for the male to sneak a rub; unless the female notes otherwise - failure to note is considered a YES! Failure to know the rule is considered as an act of negligence on the female's part."

(That was a bit sexist, I don't care though. I think it's funny. Failure to laugh is considered negligence on the reader's part)

Let's face it men like boobs! But what if that kid wasn't as innocent as I thought? What if he had been watching a lot of Looney Tunes and/or Sesame Street?



In the event that "the kid" was proven to have been watching any of the shows above, I think the school should sue: Pepe Le Pew (don't tell me he's not a rapist french skunk), and Time Warner. They should also give the four year old 5-30 years for Sexual Aggression and Attempt to Rape.

P.S. I still have my doubts that the INFANT is actually trying to "score". It's also hard to note that the kid is engaged in "inappropriate behavior", since being a four year old INFANT is considered "inappropriate behavior" as it is!

Taco Bell, "E. coli conspiracy", Coldplay

I love Taco Bell. Especially during the past few weeks I've constantly been eating at Taco Bell's.

With enough imagination I can "morph" the Chalupa to a Shawarma or the Burrito to a fool sandwich. I don't like fool nor am I a big fan of shawarma, but since it's not available I always got a craving. Now I know I'm a good cook who can manage pulling the occasional "Kuwaiti Feast", yet I hate cooking.

Earlier today I went to get some Gorditas for lunch and went over to my friend's place. Few of the guys were chilling.
GOWA! 7ayakom, La t9adgon..
Then I started eating.
They were watching me eat, as soon as I was done they go:

"You heard of Taco Bell's E. coli outbreak?"

"Mota ma 9ert obokom ra7 ayeeblikom akil" I replied. (I thought they were fucking with me for not bringing enough food to feed all of them).

Then they showed me the news. There was infact an E. coli outbreak.

I asked them: "The fuck did you wait for until I ate it?"
"We didn't want to spoil your appetite" They replied.

Apparently, Taco Bell temporarily closed about 39 franchises. They are under investigations by Health Officials.

So I'm kinda looking forward to farting blood soon.
Until then, I'm off to Taco Bell.

Virgin's Musical Knowledge Quiz

I'm not sure if anyone actually played this before, but it's pretty interesting.
Basically you'll have to name 1 of the 74 artist(s) you see on the picture below..

Still in Shock.

After a "many hours" drive, I've decided to rest at the nearest Inn, hotel and/or motel. My attitude was whatever. In my time I've been to some nasty motels, but never like Oakwood Inn. GOD DAMN!

You know you're in an idiosyncratic hotel when checking in and front desk services are in fact Drive Through. Matter of fact, that was the least of my worries. My biggest concern was the fact that I was in my car when I can smell incense sticks hitting me from there inside. I predicted a long night to come.

I would've went to ANY other accommodation facility, except there weren't any in any direction less than an hour away. I still regret not making the drive.

As Kumar approached me I could see the posters of Shiva and an Elephant dude among other Gods. Kumar lacked hospitality, I think I interrupted his: Jaan Pachechaan Ho moment (a song by Mohammed Rafi). He went Ya? (Nafseeta kanat ib 6araf khashma). Since he asked a question with an affirmative response, I thought they offered other services. I went on asking if they had any Biryani. At that point he almost hit me. (hatha awal elkhair).

So he goes: diz iz hodel!
Then gimme a room! I replied.
He asked me to wait, he then started to fill an application. (chena sij).
He then handed me the keys. Let me rephrase that. He then threw a key at me. 216 NO SMOKING! (zafni elkalb!)

I was in a scary looking Inn, it looked haunted. My friend, 7amad, thought it had demons. I didn't agree, I thought it had the white bed sheet kind of ghost. The ones that go BOO! The place looked THAT dramatic.

So after he threw the key, I actually asked a stupid question: Do you guys have WiFi?
He gave me an angry look. The type of look that goes: You're wasting my time!
He then went on: NO, VE GOD HBO!
At that point I wanted to drive to "216" before I burst into laughs, I couldn't.

After locating my room and the nearest parking I discovered there weren't any phone services nor Internet and we were in a ghost town. Not only were we mentally traumatized, but this is how horror movies start. So ta3awatht men iblees and I entered 216, It smelled like: SEX, SOCKS and SHAME!

It was rather hard for me to lay my head on a bed while knowing that not long ago a hooker was satisfying a trucker on my bed. The TV had no remote to it, then again it had no buttons. I think last time I saw a knob operated TV was back in the early 90's. I didn't mind that really.

My plans were to shave and goto sleep.

It's unusually rare when a hotel be beneath my expectations. I mean all I ask for is a decent soap bar and a towel (I know I've got low standards), But I draw the line when they offer me a sheet of tissue paper and try to pass it as a towel. It was to my surpise to find a ketchup sachet by the sink. Only to discover that it was shampoo!



I also draw the line when they offer me: 9aboon Ragi (The soap thing they sell in Kuwait, usually made in Syria and smells like sweaty balls. Most of the time it's unevenly cut and has the fingerprints of the manufacturer. Though they pass it as being natural and healthy, I'd rather be infested with chemicals). On top of all that, It was wrapped in aluminum!

As they say, there's a first time for everything. I washed up and shaved and went to lay on the bed! I felt rather disgusted with my self. Instantaneosly, I heard a BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG.. (you get the picture).
My neighbor's bedpost was banging against the walls. They were fucking!

I called front desk. I politely asked Kumar to tell them to keep it down since I needed to wake up in few hours. Kumar actually told me: YOU DELL DEM!

At this point I just decided to retire.

P.S. I smoked like crazy. I for one won't go outside and mess with a -2 weather for a cigarette. Certainly not when Kumar is "ORDERING" me not to do so.

THE BEST DAMN SONG IN THE UNIVERSE PERIOD!

So I'm going to court tomorrow. Yeah, I still have a lot of legal work to attend to. Will I win my case and prove that I was in fact attending school or will Homeland Security bust my balls and kick me out the country without finishing my degree?

I seriously hope they let me be. I mean 6 more classes, I should graduate by the end of THIS coarse had they not incarcerated me. Now they're trying to let me leave after all those presentations, project, heartache, shits and giggles?

Oh well, I'm ready for whatever. I am so content right now, I wouldn't mind whatever the consequences maybe.

As they say in Yale: Pray for better, prepare for worse.

Which brings me to the song. I haven't much to say so here is my PUNCHLINE.

THE BEST SONG/MUSIC VIDEO EVER



Hey baby wake up from your a sleep
We have arrived onto the future
And the whole world is become....

Elektronik, Supersonik,
Supersonik, Elektronik,

Hey baby ride with me away,
We doesn't have much time,
My blue jeans is tight,
So onto my love rocket, climb,
Inside tank of fuel is not fuel, but love,
Above us, there is nothing above,
but the stars, above

All systems gone
Prepare for downcount

5....4....3....1 Off blast


Fly away, my space rocket,
You no need put money in my pocket
The door is closed I just lock it,
(Ha) I put my (Ha) port plug in your socket (Ha Ha Ha)

The sonic sky is bright like fire
You and me gets higher and higher
Cut communication wire
Only thing can stop us is flat tire

Ha, Ha, Ha Ha Ha Ha

Hey love crusader
I want to be your space invader
For you I will decend the deepest moon crater
I is more stronger than Darth Vapour
Obey me I is your new dictator
For you is Venus, I am Mars
With you I is more richer than all the tzars
Make a wishes on a shooting stars
Then for you I will play on my cosmic guitars

Ladies and Gentlemen
Fasten your beltseats
We has commenced our decent
I trust you enjoy this flight
As much as you enjoy this accent

Now back on Earth its time for downsplash
Into sea of eternal glory my spaceship crash
People have arrived for cheer me from near and far
And as I float I open door and shout
"I am worlds biggest, washed-up superstar"

(Supersonik, Elektronik)

As for sure as the sun rises in the west
Of all the seas and all the boats I am the bestest
come, let me put ring of Jupiter on your finger
Then like a smell around you I will forever linger
Ok, is time for end, no more will I sang
Let me take you back in time,
I want for you to experience big bang

Long live space race
Long live, Molvania

***

Hope you liked it.

SANTA'S COMING TO TOWN!

Ever since I came to study in the States, my enthusiasm towards significant occasions has indeed declined.

I mean when you wake up 1st day of Ramadan and/or Eid only to attend a midterm; you'd start loosing the spirit. Off coarse, had my faith been stronger, it wouldn't have lessened my emotional attachment to those lovely days.

7emdilla though, things have changed ever since I was incarcerated most of Ramadan & Eid. I ended up loving everyday so long I'm free. I mean let's face it, yale (Jail in Spanish), it's a MOTHERFUCKER!

Ok, I'm partially over that experience, which leads me to Christmas. I don't celebrate it, nor do I celebrate Easter or Thanks Giving for that matter.

Yet, today, I had a strong case of Jolly Christmas Spirit hitting me.

I was walking out my 6 P.M. class, consumer behavior, when I saw a fat hypocrite posing as the fat fuck Santa is. He was taking pics with students sitting on his lap. I wasn't sure why they did that since we all agreed that Santa doesn't exist after the age of 10, but hey, I was watching.

Suddenly two nubile coeds approached Santa and sat on his lap. My jaws hit the ground. I felt like an animal, the way I was lusting, staghfurallah. I fell inlove with their smart brains at first sight (here you go feminists, now get off my back!)

Now I don't believe in Pagan Holidays, but I can't resist the urge to get involved and get my piece of action.

My new scheme is to make my very own Holiday, "since I can't pose as a fat senior citizen due to my hunky features and young age".

Offcoarse, every holiday has a certain date.

I decided to set June 9th as the day I shine.*wink, wink*

I shall be sitting on the beach, celebrating summer in my swimsuit. Everyone is most welcome to take a picture with me, so long you're a female of a legal age and you won't press charges.

There shall be a special Jingle made by me for me that would be sung all over the world on that day:

You better not shout
You better be dry
You better not doubt
That I'm a great guy
Nasser's coming to town

I just can't wait!

P.S. Please try to refrain from labeling me as a "Chauvinist", since it's a french word for Patriot derived from one of Napoleon's finest soldiers: Nicolas Chauvin of Rochefort.

P.S.S. Deers will be replaced by Dolphins, Elves shall be substituted with Lucha Libre Midgets and the theme colors of my spectacular occasion are going to be Brown & Blue.

Le Cafe

It's rather hard to goto class with eyes blood shut. I know it was almost 2:00 P.M. and I only require 6 hrs. of sleep. I know I was watching cartoons all night (and morning). So yeah, I partially am the one to blame for actually standing in line behind that cold bastard:

Hi, I'd like to have a white chocolate vanilla latte with decaf coffee, soymilk, whipped cream, a sprinkle of cinnamon and two splenda sachets.

First of all, ordering a decaf coffee is like ordering a cheeseburger with no cheese. Not only does it make no sense, it's stupid. When entering the world of coffee you substantially enter for the caffiene boost not for the trend. "LOOK AT ME I'M CUTE, I GOT COFFEE." How about getting a life? and while you're at it go die. Go OD on OJ or something.

Secondly, There is no such thing as Soy Milk, so stop calling it that. Soy is a Legume and Legumes have no tits.

I won't waste any comments on the "sprinkle of cinnamon", since it's just weird. Somehow I think Cinnamon is the most sinister of all herbs, had herbs had any character.

On top of all that, with all the sweet you're consuming you ask for Splenda? Those people are same ones who order: Double Quarter Pounder with extra cheese Combo supersized with Diet Coke!

Had it been me preparing the order, I'd gladly add my secret super special flavor: Oysters, farm raised in my throat with a hint of spearment, cigarette and cheese.

Some people are as sharp as beach balls, I don't like how many people took coffee as a trend rather than an actual purpose. I do want to note that I blame POP for that. :P

The Beautiful Children.

Child Beauty Pageants.
Babies in makeup aren't cute. Not only are they creepy, they're scary and disgusting too. I mean kids are scary as it is (and sometimes smelly too). Now you want to smother them with makeup?
What next? Send a catalog to John Mark Karr?
Stop smearing innocent kids with makeup. Stop building a superficial generation.

Some kids are fugly.
Some kids are stupid.
Some kids are smelly.
Some kids are all of the above.
C'est La Vie.

Loans!

First things first, Allah ma nazal hal aya 3ashan hal sibab.

Loans. I've always read in the news about people demanding their loans to be dropped.
Call me delusional, call me naive, call me old-fashioned, call me whatever but I thought it was a joke I didn't get.

In Webster's, the definition for Loans is:

"1 a : money lent at interest b : something lent usually for the borrower's temporary use."

The economic definition of monetary loans is:

"Like all debt instruments, a loan entails the redistribution of financial assets over time, between the lender and the borrower.
The borrower initially receives an amount of money from the lender, which they pay back, usually but not always in regular installments, to the lender. This service is generally provided at a cost, referred to as interest on the debt."

While Commercial Banks rely on loans as their main source of income, inconsiderate people ask for their loans to be dropped.
This basically means that Camel people, Gulf people and other "Commercial" banks would face a hard time receiving income due to the lack of interest received in the long run. It would also mess up interest rates.

BTW, I'm also against jailing people for debts. Do a credit system just like in the U.S. it works just fine, but that's not the case. And if you actually can't pay your loans, TOUGH SHIT, you bit up more than you could chew.

Fine drop the loans, but every person with a dropped debt should pass their raises to honest and hardworking bankers. That's only fair.

(PRODUCT) red!

The hell with this campaign.
The hell with the people who support it. PRODUCT (red).

Media sponsered by: myspace & AIM
With, offcoarse, Bono as the official Spokesman. Why the hell do people look up to an Irish U2 singer, or any other famous celebrity for that matter?
LISTEN BONO, apparently too much of that Irish Whiskey got to you.

Bill Gates, George Clooney, Bobby Shriver, Kanye West. Oprah, Chris Rock and other losers. What are they supporting?
Apparently, after you pay a huge corporation a huge sum of your money; a small percentage goes to Africa to help stop and treat Aids there.

I've a crazy idea, maybe & JUST MAYBE!! If Africans STOPPED FUCKING, Aids would stop spreading amongst them.
A wise man once told me to Practice safe sex and GO FUCK MY SELF!! (Another advice that'd help prevent & eliminate AIDS and other STDs).

Furthermore proving that I'm a genuis. I've already done saving them shitload of money & treat their condition by giving them two pieces advices.

Due to that bullshit campaign, I shall start my very own. PRODUCT (BROWN).

My mission: To help the world be a better place by putting an end to all BULLSHIT!

I suggest, to all those people who think they're rightous and want to make the world a better place, that they focus on a bigger more significant problem. A CURE FOR CANCER!
Better yet, how about, atleast, finding a cure for the flu? (It's almost 2007 and all we did was find a treatment to it! I say: Learn to walk before you run). Maybe then I'd reconsider looking at Product (RED).

Until then, please support PRODUCT (BROWN)

P.S. Don't give me: The AIDS spread in many different ways other than sexual intercoarse. I know, I also know that we can prevent it by being careful, unlike a more unpredictable vicious disease such as: "Cancer".

NyQuil

I just woke up after 2 days of sleep, feeling as Fresh as Today's Headlines.

The weather was beautiful. It was simply sunny and warm.
5 minutes later..
It became a bit cloudy.

Speaking of cloudy, it really gets to me when I'm reading a novel and the bullshit author suddenly has the urge of wasting a whole chapter of his book, my life and my precious time to describe a fucking cloud.

"..and so the cloud cluttered caressing the sky as a huge piece of white shit in the sky bearing warm rain like transparent piss."

So it started to rain. No, It's a thunder storm. Wait a minute, it's hot again.

And so I got the flu.

Which brings me to my favorite drug. To hell with Marijuana, Hashish, Cocaine, Hallucinogens and Heroin. When I get sick I do the christmas drug. Either Green or Red. I do NyQuil.
The moonshine of medicine. The only drug known to man that actually tastes like Red & Green.

I, now, never take my chances with sore throat. Every time i neglect my sore throat I end up having a bad case of infection that can't be fixed but with Anti-Biotics. Since I dislike doctor visits, I seek my only refuge, NyQuil an over the counter medicine. After doing few shots of that thing I'm good to hibernate.

Last thing I remember since writing this was two days ago sipping some of that Red & Green. Now, I hear many things had happened during my sleep. My roommate was freaked out because I woke up with a rough voice as if I just hit puberty, TWICE. He claimed I actually uttered the following:

ME: Tukfa Fahood, gola e6awilni bo6ol elmay.
He then responded: "Meno?"
ME: Hathak elee wagif yam telephony, 7akeem elaqzam.

Right after my outrageous outburst, I hit another shot of NyQuil & went back to sleep. He, Fahad, freaked out because he just done watching the exorcist. He thought I was possessed by some demonic spirit. I was, it's called NyQuil and it's one hell of a drug.

Wikipedia's Info On NyQuil

Autumn.

Main Entry: au·tumn
Pronunciation: 'o-t&m
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English autumpne, from Latin autumnus
1 : the season between summer and winter comprising in the northern hemisphere usually the months of September, October, and November or as reckoned astronomically extending from the September equinox to the December solstice -- called also fall.

At school we used to learn enough about the seasons of the year. Sadly, in Kuwait we never got to witness but: Summer & Winter.
I my self haven't seen anything as beautiful as Falls in Louisiana. Those photos were took by me yesterday.



Mashalla I saw all colors on those dying trees. I actually thought one needed photoshop to create something as beautiful as that.



The fact that those pictures were took over at my friend's own backyard is priceless.
Imagine waking up and looking over nature's own piece of colorful classy art.
You may see the complete set of pictures I took over at my friend's on my Flickr.

P.S. Please excuse the bad quality of the pics, since I haven't my digital camera and I was only using my camera phone.

Sameera & I

One of my friend's is about to be blessed with a child, he was discussing with me names he wanted to call his future son: Laith, Haytham, Lo2ay or Sameer. 6ab3an elasami "alla bel khair".

What caught his attention was me laughing when he said: Sameer. Offcoarse, to my misfortune, Sameer happens to be both his brother and his grandfather. So he wanted an explanation..

The following events took place during 1998 or 1999:

To this day, I never can help but snicker when I hear the name "Sameer" and/or "Sameera".
Perhaps it's by reason of some of my childhood memories. Fa6oo6a and/or Majalat Sameer.

Back in the "Pre Low Weist Era A.K.A. ayam eljahiliya. I used to wear pants that went all the way up to my nipples, but that's not the subject. I remember I had an old raggedy Siemens phone, (I've always been an Anti Nokia Enthusiast). Let's not get into unnessecary details. I've received a phone call from Sameera's Friend (SF for short):

RING RING

Me: Aloo.

SF: Aloo.

Me: Na3am?

SF: Momkin akalim Sameera?

Me: Nemra ghala6.

CLICK (mo ela tgool asfa 3al ez3aj).

After two weeks, I've received another phone call:

RING RING

Me: Aloo.

SF: Momkin akalim Sameera?

Me: (trying to be a smart ass) Weyach.

SF: Meno?

Me: Ana Sameera, khair?

SF: SAMEERA, SAMEERA!

Me: La, ana Sameera wa7da bss.

CLICK (Ham no Phone Etiquette).

After few days, I think SF estanisat 3ala elwath3.

RING RING

Me: Hala?

SF: Momkin akalim Sameera?

Me: 9abrich ya roo7, inty lel7en mo mestaw3iba ini mo Sameera?

CLICK (This time it was on like donkey kong!)

I went to our Dewaneya. I explained everything to my friends. I asked to call that number and ask for Sameera. At that time I was but a young misguided teenager. Lets not forget to mention that I also had a bad case of: Napoleon Complex, Not to mention my on going cases of both OCD & ADD.

For a whole week, everyone I knew back then called SF. Cellphones, home phones, baqala phones. Even the pay phone elee kan 3ind jam3iyat el-Shamiya!

After I gave her a taste of her own medicine, I called two weeks later.

RING RING

SF: Alo.

Me: SALAM!

SF: Hala, meno?

Me: Ana Sameera, fee a7ad eti9al 3alay?

SF: Laughs

CLICK

KKKramer!

If you're familiar with Seinfeld, you're definately familiar with Michael Richards AKA Cosmo Kramer.



Recently Mr. Richards went crazy on a stand up show. He started throwing racist remarks on an "African Americans". Apparently He was interrupted by an "African American" while on stage performing. Offcoarse that didn't help his, washed up, career at all.

KKKramer's Racist Video:



Kramer, being a Hollywood celebrity, had to apologize on air on Late Show with David Letterman:



Unfortunately, black celebrities rejected his apology claiming:

* Its the pussy way out to do it on Letterman.

* He should apologize at the apollos.

* Go back to the comedy club and apologize from there.

Commencement:

"One man's misfortune is another man's gain."







Kramer apologized, "African Americans" are satisfied, Entrepreneurs made $$.
Happy Day.

UPDATE

Paul Mooney had something to say about the "crisis" on Fox News.

Emergency Evacuation

Last Friday I was at the movie theatre. All of a sudden, fire alarms went off. Our town's theatre is a humble eight screen building. As I was getting ready to withdraw I imagined hell would break loose. I tend to think of many people as being, somewhat, dramatic especially Americans. Then again, I'm the mellow type. So as I crossed my aisle I imagined people running over each other some would scream, others stomping each other & probably even few looters here and there.

To my surprise, people were unruffled & calm. Every occupant in the building moved towards the nearest exit in an orderly manner. It took the whole packed movie theatre to be evacuated within 2 minutes. That was enough time for two fire trucks, two ambulances & six police cars to appear.



Fortunately, there were no losses. A movie reel simply caught fire. Sucks for the viewers at that time, but hey, shit happens & thats a fact.

The situation had me thinking, WHAT IF:

What if, hypothetically speaking & God forbid, there was a fire in a building in Kuwait?

How would people react?
How soon would 300 - 400 people evacuate the same building?
How promptly would the Law Enforcements, Fire Department & Ambulance get to the scene?

* Last accident I had in Kuwait was in the 5th Ring Road, near Salmiya, It took the PO almost an hour to show up. (ma3thoren kanat 7azat ghada).

Final Thoughts

* When, God forbid, you think you'd soon be in an accident or there was a vague possibility of you being a victim of the circumstance in Kuwait; Make sure you call prior to it. Try to schedule a rendezvous (if you will), see when they're free and try your best to delay your misfortune for when it's appropriate for our Men in Beige, The Few, The Proud, The KWPD.

OFF TOPIC

* It's Turkey Day today. I refuse to call it Thanks Giving, only because I'm not quite sure what are they thanking for exactly?

Is it for killing a bunch of Apaches and stealing their land?
Or for landing on Plymouth after departing from Plymouth?

+

What type of thanks is it?

Is it the: Thank you chump kinda deal?
or I'm sorry I killed your people and stole your land but thanks anyway?

Anyways, my concern is that everything is closed (apparently everyone is a bit too thankful), and I'm hungry as hell (and its only 2:00 PM).

Movie Review - Stranger Than Fiction

I've recently attended the new Will Ferrell movie, Stranger Than Fiction. Being a big fan of Will Ferrell I knew it would be a good movie. The story was surreal and smart. Will's performance was as outstanding as ever. Eventhough I wasn't moved by the ending (I hoped they kept the original), I thought it was in fact a good movie.

The Plotline: An IRS auditor suddenly finds himself the subject of narration only he can hear: narration that begins to affect his entire life, from his work, to his love-interest, to his death.

The mixture of stars in the movie was excellently blended: Will Ferrell, Emma Thompson, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Dustin Hoffman & Queen Latifa (only if you want to label her as a star).

Will appears in a rather new style; while his sense of humor is as great as always, this time it's rather mellowed out a bit.



I related to the movie since I was once as "em3aqad" as the typical accountant. Obssessed with counting steps and tiles. 7emdilla I got over it.

NOLA!

I've just arrived from New Orleans, Louisiana, The #1 Sin City in the U.S.

If truth be told, I've arrived last night, but due to the fact of 3 consecutive days of no and/or little sleep, I had some catching up to do with my beloved sofa.

Our trip was a compensation for our long awaited "Eid" trip, which had to be postponed ascriped to my other "mandatory trip".


We stayed over at Hotel La Salle. I'm a frequent guest at La Salle; unfortunately, its like an old horror movie where everyone would die before dawn. We booked using Travelocity.



I think their Ad campaign is tremendously wonderful. The cute and funny Gnome helping his customers dearly and all.

WRONG!

The Gnome did nothing to us. As a matter of fact, we had to wait in the lobby for his highness the gnome to find us a room. After 6 hrs of waiting, calling the 1800 24/7 number and not asking for much (only a fax to be sent to the Hotel), there were no results. Travelocity, in fact, did let us roam alone. The Gnome never fulfilled his gaurantee, nor did he save the day!

Sean, La Salle's General Manager, sympathized with our ordeal and decided to give us our rooms for free. (Kesarna Kha6ra).

There were no major highlights in our trip. All I can say is that I was power napping (somehow people do not relate to me when I do that and end up calling me Bangali for doing so). My friends decided on it and I ended up riding with them.

The Group:

RED (A big dude with a lot of heart, never imagined him being over protective).

Moe (Another big dude with a big heart). He was kidnapped. He went to grab food at 6 A.M. & two black dudes jumped him and thew him in a car. They took him to the ghetto & at gunpoint they threatened to kill him or get his money. His response? FUCK YOU, KILL ME. They were surprised so they started explaining that it is not in his best interest to die. His rebuttal: If I gave you all my money, I won't be able to grab my breakfast. So you guys better take me to "Krystal", there I'd order my food and you guys steal whatever is left. When asked why? He simply stated: If they were to kill me they would've at that place and time since there were no one around.

(Had I been one of them assholes I would have shot Moe with no remorse, but they did take him to krystal! Later on they ended up taking his money and leaving).
&
(Had it been me, the victim, I would've took no chances. Matter of fact, I would have peed my self and cried my eyes red.

The "shell shock": Moe enjoyed his time to the max. Yet, there remained a part of him that is still stunned within.

NAB (Our very own hustler, He is the only person I've seen who can actually get his money back from anyone - This includes, but not limited to: Other hustlers, Street Musicians, Restaurants (after finishing up his meal), Street bums & Beggers and The people who kidnapped Moe & stole his money).

Frank (Strangely he can manage getting away with paying less than the retail cost in franchises!)
Franks actually went to a franchise and checked the tag of something he actually liked. He then decided to give the clerk half of what it costs. She looked at him and said but sir its $30.00. With a smile he goes no, I'll take it for 15. Then he slipped a dollar in her front pocket as a tip & walked away!



Last but not least: ME! I've harrassed every Cincinnati Bengals Fan in the French Quarter on Sunday. Right after the game, which we (The New Orleans Saints) lost, I started seeing loads upon loads of happy Bengals fans on Bourban Street. So I started being the sour loser who shouts: YOU JUST GOT LUCKY!

The Place:

* French Quarter, New Orleans, LA
* Mainly Bourbon Street.


Things We Saw:

* A couple of black cops beating up a skinny white dude infront of his GF/Spouse with a baton.

* 60, if not 80, year old Prostitute. After asking me if I was interested in having a good time I started to advise her to do something for her after life. I explained how she is still "young & beautiful" (7adi ga3 achathib) and how she (urgently) needed to give God ATLEAST what's little left of her life. I wasn't pointing at any particular religion, I just think its time for her to retire o0 etoob or something!


* People getting naked on the streets. Some are drunk others are simply exibisionists.

* A syrian shawarma place in Bourban Street. When I went in and emphasized how much I liked his joint when I visited 3 years back.
Note: The people with me are first time visitors to that place.
The syrian false witness was like: EH 3ALA RASI. DAKIRKOM ANA. Wa hal yakhfa elqamar?

I looked back at my friends with a smile, They were hand signaling me to "amasheeha" or "shut up about it". Unfortunately, me being me, I started: Int laish na9ab? Shako tchatheb? gool ma tathkir or ma t3arefna a7salik ya3ni etc..

He started stuttering o0 beda esaweeli feha ina kan ga3ed ejamil. (after a brief arguement, I managed to get a free falafil sandwich out of it).

This may not seem much, but falafil costs around $10.00. (FREE STUFF = GOOD SHIT).

On Monday night we went to Emeril Lagasse's Restaurant, NOLA, where we had crepes and BAM! We started our "Homecoming" trip.

P.S. The following commercial, very much, relates to New Orleans:

Movie Review - Casino Royale

So I just came back from the movies.

Offcoarse the process of planning took almost a week while the process of deciding & concurring on going there took around 3 days. As I always say, aham shy elneya, eltakh6ee6 wel technic. Sometimes buroodi 3ala burood elrabi3 ethakirni ib our lovely government.

ANYWAYS

The theatre just opened near by my place, around a 5 minute drive. The coincidence was that we managed on going there on Friday the 17th.

Casino Royale is now showing in a theatre near you (The new James Bond movie).

I wasn't excited at all. At first I lined everything:

An arrogant, cold, british prick fucking every woman he sees. Drives and flies a jet sky. Diving with a helicopter to the bottom of the sea (where he fucks a mermaid). Flying, flipping and racing in his Aston Martin/Jag. Killing everyone he sees with weird weapons while not getting any scars nor mess his hair do. Drinking martinis on mars (and managing to find a cute female martian whom he fucks). Finally managing to save her Highness & Earth.

WRONG..

Craig Daniel is the new Sean Connery, with the karate chops & the works (minus the baldness).

The movie was realistic (a movie's type of realistic), interesting, funny, sensible & entertaining. There was nothing out of the ordinary, nothing excessive & certainly nothing that humilates any normally functioning human brain. ALSO, The new Bond, Craig Daniel, isn't as gay as Brosnan either.

If you like Bond movies, you'll love Casino Royale. I didn't like any of the Bond movies since they started to get cheesy in the 80's, yet this one was much different.

How to be ghetto.

Part of my rituals, when visiting Kuwait during summers in the past 4 years, was to leave on Fridays on a direct flight back to Newyork. Another part was to go on a last shopping spree during my last weekend in Kuwait. During my last visit, on a thursday, Sept. 8th 2005, I commited the fatal error of going to "Marina Mall."

I was surprised by the number of posers I've seen in one day.
Examples:

* A bunch of unexperienced "Porn Star" wannabes.


* A group of goth kids who happen to attend prestigious schools, living in a big house, getting a handsome allowance.


* A rock star show off who happens to have no knowledge in 6 strings.


* A couple of friends walking side by side one wearing a New York Yankees baseball cap while the other is wearing a Boston Red Socks (note: Boston is New York's arch enemy it's impossible to see that in the streets, except for in Kuwait).



* The original group of sk8er boiz, who never rode a skateboard, matter of fact the best they could do is a spin in the ice skating ring in Murgab.


* Last but not least & the ones whom I dislike with a passion are the ghetto wannabe kids.


I may have some background in goths, baseball, porn, rock and skating, but the most expertise I've got is in the ghetto. Since I used to live there (cheaper rent) for 2 years. Also since, no thanks to the Kuwaiti Embassy, I just got out of my "mandatory" field trip around 3 Jails in 3 different states here in the states within the period of a month (but lets not get into that just yet).

So let's try and make this short & sweet.

Q: Why do I dislike "ghetto wannabes" in Kuwait?
A: Amongst the many reasons I've got those are the major ones.
1. They've got no crack hoe cousins.
2. They didn't live no hard life on the streets.
3. They're not "keeping it real".
4. They're not a minority.
5. They're not living a life of "crime & sorrow".
6. They carry no "gats".
7. They have major difficulties trying to imitate.

This is where I come in. Help those "lost" kids correctly imitate. After all, whatever you want to do (whether its right or wrong), do it correctly.

Note to young gangster wannabes: You seriously need a role model.

First of all, to be a true ghetto fab, you need to establish a name.
Usually referred to as "GNS."
Your name, among many reasons, may support your cause, location or likes depending on how shallow you are.

Examples of Male Ghetto Names:

1. Junebug.
2. Thug (your name here). e.g. Thug Thamer
3. Youngster (if you're "young" DUH).
4. Smiley.
5. Mean (your name here). e.g. Mean Mo6lag
6. Mr. (your location). e.g. Mr. 3arthiya
7. Lamanjala (if you are a fan of Lemon Jello).
8. Bigg (something). e.g. Bigg Bo 3ali
9. Lil something. e.g. Lil Lo2ay
10. Whitey. (Since most influenced Kuwaiti "thugs" are white, Oreo would work too).

Another method is adding any of those to your 1st initial: -izzle, -azzle, izzy, - with Dub, Masta - and - angster.

Examples of Female Ghetto Names:

This is easy, simply add -iqua to your name.
e.g. Your name may be: Sibeecha, Shag7a or Dalal = Sibeechiqua, Shag7iqua or Dalaliqua.

Note: always add an AKA to your name. e.g. AKA Bidoon 7idood, AKA Fakhfakheena

After establishing a name, part of being a notorious character, try to set up a gang.

Forming a Gang

Usually a gang consists of 5 highschool kids, all white, with one "Palestinian Rapper" (MC Zaytoon)

and a black "godfather" from Thanaweyat Kaifan, a 24 y/o dude whose in it for the money. They usually idolize Marzoog due to the sole fact of him being "black".

When setting up a gang, naming is an important aspect that should never be neglected.
The best way to name your gang is after the street or area you grew up in or hang around. E.g. Bin Khaldoon's Masses, F7ai7eel's Folks, Kaifan Kings, Hawalli's Haterz.

Subsequent to the establishment of your nicknames & location, we goto the "Gears".

Ghetto Style
Every OG needs a Gear. Thug Fashion consists of a number of basic items:

1. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXL T-shirt.

2. A pair of Tommy Hilfiger Baggy pants.

3. Fake platinum watch.

4. Gold Teeth.

5. A Pair of Air Jordan's, or Timber's.


6. A Hat of the team you represent do not bend visor, simply flat (also never take the tags off).

7. An iced out ridiculous looking pendant.


Always make sure that you sag your "baggy pants" half way down your waist.


After making sure that your clothes are legit, work on the development of your vocabulary

Ghetto Vocab:

1. Add an S or Z to any thing you got to say:
e.g. I got to go = I GOTSA GOES

2. Always swear, use a swear word as a comma if you will.
e.g. I went to my "homie" to borrow some "doe", unfortunately he didn't have any. = I (fucking) went to my (motherfucking) "homie" to gets me some (motherfucking) "doe", that (motherfucker) aint gots (shit).

3. When you need to label something, use the 1st word + izzle.
e.g. I went to the store to buy some cigarettes = I went to the sizzle to gets me some cizzle.

4. Words that need to be replaced:
Shoes = kicks
there = thurrrr
pair = purrrr
tattoo = ink
am = iz e.g. ( I am what I am = I iz what I iz)
two = duece
chow = groceries/food
9aida/easy catch = duck/afflack
reputation = jacket
snitch = rat
I got no problem = I aint trippin
drugs = dope
crystal meth = ice
diamonds = ice
conflict = beef
son of a bitch = sunumabitch
bitch = biatch
I agree = word

By now you have an over view of how to speak and look ghetto. Let me move on to my commencement pointers.

Commencement:

Things you need to do:
1. It's not ghetto to listen to Rap/Hiphop when you're in your mom's minivan while "riding" with your driver.
2. Eat as much fried chicken as you could, drink as much grape juice as you could.


3. Make sure both your pressure & cholestrol level are off the roof.
4. Always walk around with your "gat" (and no a 3ajra doesn't count as a "gat")

5. Do as much drugs as you can. Remmember you're not ghetto if you don't have atleast 3 friends whom have already ODed.

6. Make sure you spend sometime in the big house.

7. Always smoke menthols.

8. Spit, swear, burp & fart in public.
9. Always be as loud as you can be. Also when in public try to shout out yay yay, or bark few times.
10. As much as you can try and grab your crotch, incase you lost your dick somewhere in those baggy pants, better yet to check and see if you got one in the first place.


Now you're set to be a ghetto/gangster. Establish a gang, look for other gangs. Kill each other. If you all don't die in a drive by, try your very best to OD on drugs. If you can't reach these goals, make sure you do something stupid and end up being locked up in jail for a long time where you'd be somebody's (bitch).