I was gonna tell you about how wonderfully unexciting my day was. I was also going to explain how beautiful it is to lay down and enjoy peace and quiet. But I think I'll just settle with telling you I'm rather too busy playing Doom on xbox for a bit then I'm off to bed.
And please have a WONDERFUL Eid. (Do it to the people who weren't able to celebrate it for the past 5 years - As a matter of fact, I don't even remember what it's like).
3eedkom Mbarak All.
P.S.
On my way home I "borrowed" a pack of cigarettes and 2 bottles of water from my friend's place. And yes I will be using them.
I've often wished to be a Billionaire. Hell! Who am I kidding? One Million would be more than enough for me, after all too much money is unhealthy! (Poor people's Talk). Now I've changed my mind.
Here's a Video explaining why (01:12):
If that's what money could do to people, FUCK IT, you can keep it!
But WAIT, there's more (01:04)..
That's him 15 years back.
In case you didn't know who this guy is. Well, He's Steve Ballmer - CEO of Microsoft! The 13.6 Billion Dollar Man.
I couldn't watch it without feeling awkward!
* Did money do this to him? Or did he do this for money?
P.S. Money may buy almost everything, except self-respect! FUCKING CLOWN!
I really want to goto Papa's & Granny's, I've been wanting Whatnots for forever now! What the hell is whatnots? I don't think they needed to put whatnots in this ad. But You can see how exclusive the store is - It opens only twice a week! Can't wait to get my whatnots!
YES! The Original Sex Machine died. The "Godfather" of Soul, James brown died in Atlanta after being hospitalized with pneumonia. Causes of death are still uncertain. I hope He "Feels Good".
P.S. Don't do something stupid like typing: 3atham Allah ajrik, albaqiya fi 7ayatik OR a7san allah 3azakom.
I don't celebrate it. I don't feel the spirit. I think it's because I'm not Pagan or maybe I'm just an exact replica of Ebenezer Scrooge, AND I LOVE IT!
In all fairness, I do celebrate June 9th, but that's not the case. If you think your Christmas sucks, wait till you see Little Carl's Christmas.
We've been blessed with oil. I've been telling my friends that our attitude should be to improve ourselves rather than taking it for granted. Then we started imagining how life would be for us without oil. It was one depressing thought. Our education sucks, health care is worse than death and many of our people are shallowly into useless trends. We need to change all that and improve. We've nothing to offer to the world but oil, without it we'd be like Botswana, (whatever Botswana is).
Just for fun, I made up a conversation that would've took place in 1938, had the Brits not discover Petroleum in Kuwait:
Sir Bartholomew: Goodness Gracious, it's rather blistering here, don't you say Nigel?
Nigel: Indeed your Excellency.
Sir Bartholomew: What's up with these bloody Bedouins in that bloody Dish-Dash of theirs.
Nigel: I reckon they took it from the Scots, Sire.
Sir Bartholomew: So what's the word lad? Did we find anything? Nigel: Owt Sire, only sand, lots of it.
Sir Bartholomew: Are you indicating I'm in the back and beyond for donkey's year being courteous with those barbaric pillocks for naught Nigel?
Nigel: Bob's your uncle Sire.
Sir Bartholomew: That's Gormless! Crikey Nigel - It appears like we've naught to pinch from this pig's ear. We've no need for them.
Nigel: Shall I address Her Majesty's Navy to annihilate them Sire?
Sir Bartholomew: Dear God, no Nigel, they smell like cabbage. Let them go to rack and ruin in their dessert.
Nigel: Jolly good then. Pip pip cheerio and all that rot Kuwait!
***
In other words, the world isn't being nice to us "3ashan suwad e3yoona". The world can only take so much bullshit before it loses it. So lets not be self centered and lets make our country proud.
P.S. As much as I'm fascinated with the British Language - YES! For me, it's a different language - I've no knowledge nor understanding of it. Also, as much as I tried, I can't get a hold of the accent. (But I can master Hic, Chinese & Jamaican so that ought to make up for it). :P
P.S.S. No offense intended towards the United Kingdom and Botswana as countries, governments and as citizens. I was just trying to make a point.
Rocky Balboa is BACK! At first, I didn't want to watch it. I thought: Isn't he kind of too old for this? It wasn't until my little brother called and asked me to go watch it that I decided to do so. He was pissed for not being able to watch it. I basically did it for him, (I'm not sure how that would make any sense, but it did to us).
What's a steroid pumped 60 y/o senior doing? What's he trying to prove? Overall, I thought the movie was "incredible", from storyline till production. I really loved it. Rocky Balboa is a MUST SEE!
I also found out why I, subliminally, didn't want to watch it.
Since before I was born Rocky was punching people. Whenever I watched any of the old Rocky series I usually got badly influenced. Basically making me talk shit and try to pick a fight with anyone; which usually got me knocked the FUCK out. Thank God I'm too old for this shit now.
Rocky Balboa also had me thinking, whenever seeing a steroid pumped young guy I usually relate it to his low self-esteem. Those people with gorilla hormones inside them aren't stupid, they seem stupid because they haven't enough confidence to make their own decisions. But when seeing a guy well over his youth pumping steroids, what's the message he's trying to send?
I think it's excess ego. Those people should listen to Marcellus Wallace telling them what he told Butch in Pulp Fiction: "The night of the fight, you may feel a slight sting. That's pride fucking with you. Fuck pride. Pride only hurts, it never helps."
P.S. Sylvester Stallone is working on his 4th Rambo Movie. Some people just don't know when to quit.
I heard after washing their hands from the National Assembly of Kuwait they've moved elsewhere to get money. Now they're in England presenting their issues to the United Kingdom's House of Commons.
As a matter of fact, this time they've a solid plan. Our people are starting campaigns all over the world.
Now they're playing the pity card to gain Her Majesty's sympathy.
Apparently in their new campaign they're sending their children to beg instead of them; since it's hard for them to part their Louis Vuitton handbags, Chanel sunglasses & top shelf Nokias.
I managed to get my hands on one of their video messages:
I admire Mahmoud Ahmadi Najad's personality. I also think he should've been Time Magazine's Person of the Year. I don't follow any politic point of view nor movement, nor do I prefer a certain political system. But I do admire his personality. I mean he's like a hermit, being a constant target for criticism. I think all the dude wants is peace, love, support and technology. He's trying to better his country by all means and that's one his simplist right. Granted, I'm worried about his nuclear program. I mean if shit went down Kuwait would suffer too. And I'm not really interested in seeing 3 eyed Kuwaitis anytime soon, (they intensely stare as it is)!
Few days back I was watching News and heard about his Holocaust "denial".
Again, I would like to note: * I'm not Pro-Jews nor am I Anti-Jews. (I have no need for enemies - Hamza). * AND, I'm in NO WAY against President Najad, I truely admire the guy. (He's a fellow Blogger for fuck sake!)
BUT, come on dude. You can't say: "Guess what? The Holocaust? *clap hands* NEVER HAPPENED!" And not sound like wacky KKKramer of Seinfeld.
I took few History classes and the PhDs assured me that victims weren't as much as 5 - 7 Million. Granted they're from the South, but I was convinced. Yet, that doesn't mean the Holocaust never existed.
I did a mini-study and came up with the following:
Holocaust: Noun, 1 : a sacrifice consumed by fire - 2 : a thorough destruction involving extensive loss of life especially through fire (a nuclear holocaust) - 3 a often capitalized : the mass slaughter of European civilians and especially Jews by the Nazis during World War II -- usually used with the b : a mass slaughter of people; especially : GENOCIDE
Which brings me to Genocide. There are actually stages for a genocide to take place:
I think during World War II those steps took place towards the Polish & Jews - Double Whammy for the Polish Jews'. :P
I'm not sure how many people should be killed for us to consider it a "Genocide". But I'm guessing 1000 is enough? I'm also sure that during WWII MORE than 1000 Jews died.
Which brings me to this:
Dear President Najad,
Hello kind sir, my name is Nasser, I'm a Muslim, Kuwaiti Mac user. I'd like to know how your Highness came to the conclusion of "No Holocaust". I wouldn't dare ask this question had I came with ANY credible vindicate. As a matter of fact I'm going to share with you the best I came up with and you be the judge:
There was no Holocaust because the 1000 Jews, assuming they were only 1000, disappeared not due to an act of "Genocide". But Captain J. Kirk of the U.S.S. Enterprise of Star Trek: The Original Series a.k.a William Shatner, "Beamed" them up and took them to Planet Vulcan.
Mr. Najad, I am aware that my reason is ridiculous. That is why I only ask for enlightment on your behalf.
Sincerely backing you up all the way, Nasser (a Kuwaiti, Muslim, Mac User & a Huge supporter).
P.S. I've two off topic questions: 1- Did Adolf Hitler really exist? 2- What kind of drug would make a man so delusional?
P.S.S. I still think you deserve to be Time Magazine's Person of The Year.
***
P.S. Just for the record I only hear about Star Trek I've seen only two episodes. But I do like William Shatner for being the original Rocket Man. He also proved to the world that he's simply too cool to sing.
P.S.S. If I didn't post for the next few days it maybe due to incarceration for I'm risking my freedom with this post. I would also like to take the oppurtunity of saying thanks readers it's been real.
"Whenever I feel like exercise, I lie down until the feeling passes." Robert M. Hutchins.
Yeah, being a slob is AWESOME, yet two months of no activity is rather sad. I've been yearning to get back to my old routine, except I've no motivation. I wouldn't like seeing two years of work disappearing within two months of laziness. All I need is one day, JUST ONE of going to the gym and everything would be peachy. I think this video had a lot of influence over my recent sluggish behavior.
Ok, he's not that good. Don't even ask how I found him. I was browsing when I saw 7jab I decided to listen to a random song. It was interesting, a whole arabic song subliminally about titties. Or maybe it's just my perverted mind. You can listen to it here.
I also took the liberty of writing down the lyrics, since I don't think anyone would understand what he was saying.
P.S. I think Mac users need to download linked files.
There are 7 major reasons to love living in Louisiana:
1- I can go grab food in my PJs & Havaianas. 2- I can goto class in my PJs & Havaianas. 3- I can go over to my friend's in my PJs and Havaianas. 4- I can goto the bank and pay bills in my PJs and Havaianas. 5- I can goto Le Cafe in my PJs and Havaianas. 6- I can goto Wal*Mart's in my PJs and Havaianas. 7- I can goto the gym in my PJs and Havaianas. (And exercise barefoot).
First of, I know how to spell so shut-oop. It was one of the first "decent" Will Smith's movies in a LOOOOOONG TIME. Ali was "decent" too. But I felt like The Pursuit of Happyness was a guy's "Chick Flick". It was all about feelings, sadness and sarrow only with few of Will's witty jokes. Halfway through the movie I was wondering when will someone get shot? I've the attention span of a gnat, so I need me some action to keep me from not playing with things in my pocket. So if you're into inspirational mushy movies or have a preference for reading the Chicken Soup for the Soul series, you'd love The Pursuit of Happyness.
I think Time Magazine's editor is one indecisive lazy fuck. How much time and effort did it take him in choosing EVERYONE as person of the year?
You're Time Magazine's person of the year!
Ofcoarse it's flattering when someone tells you that you're special. But let's face it, we're all unique - just like everyone else!
So I, as being "chosen" by Time Magazine as Person of the Year, decline.
I think it's bullshit and they just want to have more reach, next thing you know a "telemarketer" from Time Magazine would call and go: "Hey since we chose you as a person of the year, we think you should subscribe."
But you've got to let it slide, since 1982 they've been making rather stupid choices.
1982: The Computer (Incase you didn't notice - it's not a person).
1987: Gorbachev (With his "Leadership" the Soviet Union collapsed).
1988: Planet Earth (again, NOT A PERSON)!
1991: Ted Turner (ofcoarse, HE OWNS THE MOTHERFUCKER!)
1993: Yasser Arafat (Was he a person? Really? Well then, Fuck him & Allah yer7umah).
2000 & 2004: George Bush (No Comment - Mo wagta Jail again).
2003: The American Soldier (khali9aw elawadim).
2005: Bono (Talk about Bipolar - During the past 3 years they chose people who were in the business of killing, now a washed up musician - who happens to think he's saving lives).
Keep a straight face and tell me the editor is in his/her right mind and I'll show you an idiot. They thought everyone would be happy and proud. Guess What Time Magazine, I'm still here!
Y'all better choose a real decent person with a real decent and significant accomplishment by 2007. After all 2006 was fucked up as it is, now all you did was add insult to the injury.
P.S. 1950 & 1966 were bad choices too. P.S.S. My roommate decided to unsubscribe to Time Magazine.
Cheese, Corn, Mashed Potato, Gravy AND "Genetically Engineered" Chicken (or whatever KFC passes as chicken to Consumers there days). ALL IN ONE BOWL! I'm regretful to say that it's one of my favorite dishes. But my diet is a STROKE waiting to happen.
Here's how my lovely dish looks like:
And this is what Patton Oswalt had to say about it. (VERY FUNNY)!
So I was watching porn earlier today, erm, "Star Academy" was its name, I think. That makes it my second time watching it. Last time was to make sure the Kuwaiti guy was indeed the "Dork" who attended my highschool.
Instantaniously I remembered why I was appalled in the first place. Did I sleep through some sort of a: Let's Make Ourselves Look FUCKING Imbecile Intervention?
I was hearing cars crashing, squeeking, screeching and screaming which they claimed to be "music". While all of that was happening I couldn't make out what they were singing because they CAN'T SING!
All that I could see was: BOOBS, BOOBS, BOOBS, BOOBS, ASS, ASS, ASS, BOOBS, BOOBS, ASS, BOOBS, ASS, ASS, BOOBS, MORE BOOBS, and ASS!
For a while I thought the objective was to pick the worst performer, something like The Biggest Loser's kind of deal. So I was wondering, how did we become intellectually and culturally SOFA KING WE TODD ED? Is that entertainment? I think LBC is punking its viewers.
Watch us, Vote your country (unless you're a COMMUNIST!), GIVE US YOUR MONEY!
That wasn't the worst part, I think I'm rather worried about those people who idolize those "schmucks". The ones who want to be just like "Bashar" and/or "whoever else is making a total putz of him/herself these days".
Halfway through the show, just as I was trying to find something to pop my eardrums with (only to STOP the pain!), I actually heard that there were people out there who'd infact WANT to be there and are jealous of those POSERS!
By then, I was banging my head against the walls to distract myself from the horror I was witnessing! I decided that if I was gonna hurt that much, I'd rather do it to myself!
Incase you're too thick to notice, Star Academy is to Talent as Tofu is to Cheese!
NOTE: People, let's bring sophisticated music back! And out with this: Special "so-called Musical" Olympics Trash Contests.
P.S. I'll give it to them. They proved to have more jokes than The Police Academy Series. P.S.S. Don't get me started with the audience. But they were SOFA KING WE TODD ED too!
* Special Thanks to "Black" for making it possible.
"See, you don't know what rape is like. For years, I thought it was funny. Oh yeah! Rape's so funny. Until you've been raped. You're about to find out what that's like." Carl Brutananadilewski.
There's a new fad in Kuwait, it's called Rohypnol. Although Kuwaiti potheads employed it to getting WASTED, some never failed to find a new application for it. DATE RAPE.
Earlier today I was chatting to a bright Biologist friend of mine who works for The MOI at the Forensics Department. She claimed that last month alone had 12 different cases of DATE RAPE. Now I sure as hell don't recall living in Alaska*.
I remember the old days when we couldn't "get some" we went and did "the Five Knuckle Shuffle", things were peachy back then!
Now the new craze is: Date my sweetheart - Drug her - Turn her brown eye BLUE!
Usually the victims are young girls. Now what are we going to do about it?
I mean I can tell you exactly what would happen: After few weeks The Attorney would ask for a blood sample of the raped victim. By then, evidence would be washed out her system. There would be no conviction beyond reasonable doubt. The victim will in turn be labeled as a "Lying Slut". Was it all worth it?
I really hope that the after effects of "Rape" be washed out the system like Rohypnol, but that's not the way things go.
I wish for one day I can take care of these matters legally, I know I'd make a huge difference only because I'd be executing those bastards. Now you need to know that my ways will have no discrimination. I won't let it slide because the rapist bastard was rich or "famous". (Even though my new rule in life is not to harm an insect, but those ANIMALS are below that and it's unforgivable what they do).
When rape is proven:
Rapists shall receive the Death Penalty. It would be public. It will be entertaining and aired on T.V.
Now we all know Hanging is boring, too quick and WAY too soft. I want Vengeance, SOMETHING BIG, SOMETHING AWESOME (not awesome like the Oscar Meyer Hotdogs, I'm talking Shakespearean awesome, Poetic awesome). So here is my idea of an ideal punishment for those PIG FUCKS:
Location:
A "Farm** in Chabd" (where it all started).
The Penalties:
* Beheadings.
* Burning rapists on stakes! (Witches Style).
* Castration and/or emasculation - And I'm not talking about the clinical ones, I'm talking with an AXE!
* Smother the rapist with cow phermones and leave him in a room with a big horny bull, till death do them part.
* Be spanked to death with a rolled News Paper. (Wonder how long that'd take).
* Crucifixion! (That have always been a classic).
* Lock two rapists in a room with each other. Since they have no shame nor self control eventually they'd fuck eachother to death.
* Load their asses with suppository C4 and BLOW THEIR BLOW HOLES (Preperation C4).
* Ivan's style: A large frying pan filled with boiling KY GEL, I'm not sure if that'd work but Fry those bastards (DICKS 1st).
* Bungee jump them to death. But instead of tying the rope around the waist, tie around the balls. That's going to be PAINFUL.
Imagine all that on TV, with Instant Replay, slow motion and everything! 3ebra leman la ya3tabir! I know guys would think twice about spiking drinks. I know rape would be a word never to be used again in Kuwait.
I also know the "Spermatoza Channel" will get great ratings. With few advertisements that'd pay the cost of each execution from sponsors like: KY, Durex and Viagra (or as I like to call it: Erection In Defiance of God's Will - EIDOGW for short).
And girls, what did mommy and daddy tell you about taking foods/drinks from strangers? When someone says they love you don't hesitate sneaking a peak at their crotch, if you see a bulge - RETREAT! (Unless Y'all are cool like that).
Speaking of rape I found this article few days back. I can't help but ask, WHY? What kind of social life did he have?
* Alaska: The highest Rape Rate in The United States is in Alaska! Silly of me, I thought it was too cold to get naked.
** Can't help but smile when reading/writing the word farm in association with Kuwait.
If you were like me, then your bigmouth gets you into plenty of trouble.
Emily Dickinson once said:Truth is such a rare thing, it is delighted to tell it. Obviously she didn't know what she was talking about.
Somethings I say are out of place, others are labelled: inappropriate. (But all is true). I'm not talking about views and opinions. I'm talking about things you see but never talk about, like weird scars or big moles, (metaphorically).
Right now my defense is Winter. But after many incidents, it got me thinking: I need James Earl Jones or Don LaFontaine (the movie announcer guy) in my head.
So when a female ask me how that purple shirt looks, I wouldn't say fat. Or if an ignorant Professor talks about Kuwait, being a Dictatorship in an example, I wouldn't manage to let my grade go down to a C by coughing: "BULLSHIT" in the middle of lecture. I seriously need James Earl Jones to help stop me from letting my big mouth get me into trouble.
His job would be easy. Just before I utter something weird or out of place, he goes: WRONG!
Henri-Frederic Amiel Said: Truth is not only violated by falsehood; it may be equally outraged by silence.
I used to believe in it. But for now, I'll just shut up.
30 minutes back I was in a dilemma on what to write. As a matter of fact, I've got 4 ideas other than the many already saved as drafts. But I just checked the latest news where I found the most outrageous article since M. Al-Sahaf (The Wacky Iraqi).
"BELLMEAD- A four-year-old hugged his teachers aide and was put into in-school suspension, according to the father. But La Vega school administrators have a different story. Damarcus Blackwell’s four-year-old son was lining-up to get on the bus after school last month, when he was accused of rubbing his face in the chest of a female employee. The prinicipal of La Vega Primary School sent a letter to the Blackwells that said the pre-kindergartener demonstrated “inappropriate physical behavior interpreted as sexual contact and/or sexual harassment.”
I'm not sure how they misinterpreted a hug. He's 4 YEARS OLD! How can an INFANT know what's right from what's not? It's a hug.
PLUS! I decided to put a new "Man" rule:
"In the event of a female hugging a shorter male, say titty high, it's totally "fair game" for the male to sneak a rub; unless the female notes otherwise - failure to note is considered a YES! Failure to know the rule is considered as an act of negligence on the female's part."
(That was a bit sexist, I don't care though. I think it's funny. Failure to laugh is considered negligence on the reader's part)
Let's face it men like boobs! But what if that kid wasn't as innocent as I thought? What if he had been watching a lot of Looney Tunes and/or Sesame Street?
In the event that "the kid" was proven to have been watching any of the shows above, I think the school should sue: Pepe Le Pew (don't tell me he's not a rapist french skunk), and Time Warner. They should also give the four year old 5-30 years for Sexual Aggression and Attempt to Rape.
P.S. I still have my doubts that the INFANT is actually trying to "score". It's also hard to note that the kid is engaged in "inappropriate behavior", since being a four year old INFANT is considered "inappropriate behavior" as it is!
I love Taco Bell. Especially during the past few weeks I've constantly been eating at Taco Bell's.
With enough imagination I can "morph" the Chalupa to a Shawarma or the Burrito to a fool sandwich. I don't like fool nor am I a big fan of shawarma, but since it's not available I always got a craving. Now I know I'm a good cook who can manage pulling the occasional "Kuwaiti Feast", yet I hate cooking.
Earlier today I went to get some Gorditas for lunch and went over to my friend's place. Few of the guys were chilling. GOWA! 7ayakom, La t9adgon.. Then I started eating. They were watching me eat, as soon as I was done they go:
"You heard of Taco Bell's E. coli outbreak?"
"Mota ma 9ert obokom ra7 ayeeblikom akil" I replied. (I thought they were fucking with me for not bringing enough food to feed all of them).
Then they showed me the news. There was infact an E. coli outbreak. I asked them: "The fuck did you wait for until I ate it?" "We didn't want to spoil your appetite" They replied.
Apparently, Taco Bell temporarily closed about 39 franchises. They are under investigations by Health Officials.
So I'm kinda looking forward to farting blood soon. Until then, I'm off to Taco Bell.
I'm not sure if anyone actually played this before, but it's pretty interesting. Basically you'll have to name 1 of the 74 artist(s) you see on the picture below..
After a "many hours" drive, I've decided to rest at the nearest Inn, hotel and/or motel. My attitude was whatever. In my time I've been to some nasty motels, but never like Oakwood Inn. GOD DAMN!
You know you're in an idiosyncratic hotel when checking in and front desk services are in fact Drive Through. Matter of fact, that was the least of my worries. My biggest concern was the fact that I was in my car when I can smell incense sticks hitting me from there inside. I predicted a long night to come.
I would've went to ANY other accommodation facility, except there weren't any in any direction less than an hour away. I still regret not making the drive.
As Kumar approached me I could see the posters of Shiva and an Elephant dude among other Gods. Kumar lacked hospitality, I think I interrupted his: Jaan Pachechaan Ho moment (a song by Mohammed Rafi). He went Ya? (Nafseeta kanat ib 6araf khashma). Since he asked a question with an affirmative response, I thought they offered other services. I went on asking if they had any Biryani. At that point he almost hit me. (hatha awal elkhair).
So he goes: diz iz hodel! Then gimme a room! I replied. He asked me to wait, he then started to fill an application. (chena sij). He then handed me the keys. Let me rephrase that. He then threw a key at me. 216 NO SMOKING! (zafni elkalb!)
I was in a scary looking Inn, it looked haunted. My friend, 7amad, thought it had demons. I didn't agree, I thought it had the white bed sheet kind of ghost. The ones that go BOO! The place looked THAT dramatic.
So after he threw the key, I actually asked a stupid question: Do you guys have WiFi? He gave me an angry look. The type of look that goes: You're wasting my time! He then went on: NO, VE GOD HBO! At that point I wanted to drive to "216" before I burst into laughs, I couldn't.
After locating my room and the nearest parking I discovered there weren't any phone services nor Internet and we were in a ghost town. Not only were we mentally traumatized, but this is how horror movies start. So ta3awatht men iblees and I entered 216, It smelled like: SEX, SOCKS and SHAME!
It was rather hard for me to lay my head on a bed while knowing that not long ago a hooker was satisfying a trucker on my bed. The TV had no remote to it, then again it had no buttons. I think last time I saw a knob operated TV was back in the early 90's. I didn't mind that really.
My plans were to shave and goto sleep.
It's unusually rare when a hotel be beneath my expectations. I mean all I ask for is a decent soap bar and a towel (I know I've got low standards), But I draw the line when they offer me a sheet of tissue paper and try to pass it as a towel. It was to my surpise to find a ketchup sachet by the sink. Only to discover that it was shampoo!
I also draw the line when they offer me: 9aboon Ragi (The soap thing they sell in Kuwait, usually made in Syria and smells like sweaty balls. Most of the time it's unevenly cut and has the fingerprints of the manufacturer. Though they pass it as being natural and healthy, I'd rather be infested with chemicals). On top of all that, It was wrapped in aluminum!
As they say, there's a first time for everything. I washed up and shaved and went to lay on the bed! I felt rather disgusted with my self. Instantaneosly, I heard a BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG.. (you get the picture). My neighbor's bedpost was banging against the walls. They were fucking!
I called front desk. I politely asked Kumar to tell them to keep it down since I needed to wake up in few hours. Kumar actually told me: YOU DELL DEM!
At this point I just decided to retire.
P.S. I smoked like crazy. I for one won't go outside and mess with a -2 weather for a cigarette. Certainly not when Kumar is "ORDERING" me not to do so.
So I'm going to court tomorrow. Yeah, I still have a lot of legal work to attend to. Will I win my case and prove that I was in fact attending school or will Homeland Security bust my balls and kick me out the country without finishing my degree?
I seriously hope they let me be. I mean 6 more classes, I should graduate by the end of THIS coarse had they not incarcerated me. Now they're trying to let me leave after all those presentations, project, heartache, shits and giggles?
Oh well, I'm ready for whatever. I am so content right now, I wouldn't mind whatever the consequences maybe.
As they say in Yale: Pray for better, prepare for worse.
Which brings me to the song. I haven't much to say so here is my PUNCHLINE.
THE BEST SONG/MUSIC VIDEO EVER
Hey baby wake up from your a sleep We have arrived onto the future And the whole world is become....
Elektronik, Supersonik, Supersonik, Elektronik,
Hey baby ride with me away, We doesn't have much time, My blue jeans is tight, So onto my love rocket, climb, Inside tank of fuel is not fuel, but love, Above us, there is nothing above, but the stars, above
All systems gone Prepare for downcount
5....4....3....1 Off blast
Fly away, my space rocket, You no need put money in my pocket The door is closed I just lock it, (Ha) I put my (Ha) port plug in your socket (Ha Ha Ha)
The sonic sky is bright like fire You and me gets higher and higher Cut communication wire Only thing can stop us is flat tire
Ha, Ha, Ha Ha Ha Ha
Hey love crusader I want to be your space invader For you I will decend the deepest moon crater I is more stronger than Darth Vapour Obey me I is your new dictator For you is Venus, I am Mars With you I is more richer than all the tzars Make a wishes on a shooting stars Then for you I will play on my cosmic guitars
Ladies and Gentlemen Fasten your beltseats We has commenced our decent I trust you enjoy this flight As much as you enjoy this accent
Now back on Earth its time for downsplash Into sea of eternal glory my spaceship crash People have arrived for cheer me from near and far And as I float I open door and shout "I am worlds biggest, washed-up superstar"
(Supersonik, Elektronik)
As for sure as the sun rises in the west Of all the seas and all the boats I am the bestest come, let me put ring of Jupiter on your finger Then like a smell around you I will forever linger Ok, is time for end, no more will I sang Let me take you back in time, I want for you to experience big bang
Ever since I came to study in the States, my enthusiasm towards significant occasions has indeed declined.
I mean when you wake up 1st day of Ramadan and/or Eid only to attend a midterm; you'd start loosing the spirit. Off coarse, had my faith been stronger, it wouldn't have lessened my emotional attachment to those lovely days.
7emdilla though, things have changed ever since I was incarcerated most of Ramadan & Eid. I ended up loving everyday so long I'm free. I mean let's face it, yale (Jail in Spanish), it's a MOTHERFUCKER!
Ok, I'm partially over that experience, which leads me to Christmas. I don't celebrate it, nor do I celebrate Easter or Thanks Giving for that matter.
Yet, today, I had a strong case of Jolly Christmas Spirit hitting me.
I was walking out my 6 P.M. class, consumer behavior, when I saw a fat hypocrite posing as the fat fuck Santa is. He was taking pics with students sitting on his lap. I wasn't sure why they did that since we all agreed that Santa doesn't exist after the age of 10, but hey, I was watching.
Suddenly two nubile coeds approached Santa and sat on his lap. My jaws hit the ground. I felt like an animal, the way I was lusting, staghfurallah. I fell inlove with their smart brains at first sight (here you go feminists, now get off my back!)
Now I don't believe in Pagan Holidays, but I can't resist the urge to get involved and get my piece of action.
My new scheme is to make my very own Holiday, "since I can't pose as a fat senior citizen due to my hunky features and young age".
Offcoarse, every holiday has a certain date.
I decided to set June 9th as the day I shine.*wink, wink*
I shall be sitting on the beach, celebrating summer in my swimsuit. Everyone is most welcome to take a picture with me, so long you're a female of a legal age and you won't press charges.
There shall be a special Jingle made by me for me that would be sung all over the world on that day:
You better not shout You better be dry You better not doubt That I'm a great guy Nasser's coming to town
I just can't wait!
P.S. Please try to refrain from labeling me as a "Chauvinist", since it's a french word for Patriot derived from one of Napoleon's finest soldiers: Nicolas Chauvin of Rochefort.
P.S.S. Deers will be replaced by Dolphins, Elves shall be substituted with Lucha Libre Midgets and the theme colors of my spectacular occasion are going to be Brown & Blue.
It's rather hard to goto class with eyes blood shut. I know it was almost 2:00 P.M. and I only require 6 hrs. of sleep. I know I was watching cartoons all night (and morning). So yeah, I partially am the one to blame for actually standing in line behind that cold bastard:
Hi, I'd like to have a white chocolate vanilla latte with decaf coffee, soymilk, whipped cream, a sprinkle of cinnamon and two splenda sachets.
First of all, ordering a decaf coffee is like ordering a cheeseburger with no cheese. Not only does it make no sense, it's stupid. When entering the world of coffee you substantially enter for the caffiene boost not for the trend. "LOOK AT ME I'M CUTE, I GOT COFFEE." How about getting a life? and while you're at it go die. Go OD on OJ or something.
Secondly, There is no such thing as Soy Milk, so stop calling it that. Soy is a Legume and Legumes have no tits.
I won't waste any comments on the "sprinkle of cinnamon", since it's just weird. Somehow I think Cinnamon is the most sinister of all herbs, had herbs had any character.
On top of all that, with all the sweet you're consuming you ask for Splenda? Those people are same ones who order: Double Quarter Pounder with extra cheese Combo supersized with Diet Coke!
Had it been me preparing the order, I'd gladly add my secret super special flavor: Oysters, farm raised in my throat with a hint of spearment, cigarette and cheese.
Some people are as sharp as beach balls, I don't like how many people took coffee as a trend rather than an actual purpose. I do want to note that I blame POP for that. :P
Child Beauty Pageants. Babies in makeup aren't cute. Not only are they creepy, they're scary and disgusting too. I mean kids are scary as it is (and sometimes smelly too). Now you want to smother them with makeup? What next? Send a catalog to John Mark Karr? Stop smearing innocent kids with makeup. Stop building a superficial generation.
Some kids are fugly. Some kids are stupid. Some kids are smelly. Some kids are all of the above. C'est La Vie.
First things first, Allah ma nazal hal aya 3ashan hal sibab.
Loans. I've always read in the news about people demanding their loans to be dropped. Call me delusional, call me naive, call me old-fashioned, call me whatever but I thought it was a joke I didn't get.
In Webster's, the definition for Loans is:
"1 a : money lent at interest b : something lent usually for the borrower's temporary use."
The economic definition of monetary loans is:
"Like all debt instruments, a loan entails the redistribution of financial assets over time, between the lender and the borrower. The borrower initially receives an amount of money from the lender, which they pay back, usually but not always in regular installments, to the lender. This service is generally provided at a cost, referred to as interest on the debt."
While Commercial Banks rely on loans as their main source of income, inconsiderate people ask for their loans to be dropped. This basically means that Camel people, Gulf people and other "Commercial" banks would face a hard time receiving income due to the lack of interest received in the long run. It would also mess up interest rates.
BTW, I'm also against jailing people for debts. Do a credit system just like in the U.S. it works just fine, but that's not the case. And if you actually can't pay your loans, TOUGH SHIT, you bit up more than you could chew.
Fine drop the loans, but every person with a dropped debt should pass their raises to honest and hardworking bankers. That's only fair.
The hell with this campaign. The hell with the people who support it. PRODUCT (red).
Media sponsered by: myspace & AIM With, offcoarse, Bono as the official Spokesman. Why the hell do people look up to an Irish U2 singer, or any other famous celebrity for that matter? LISTEN BONO, apparently too much of that Irish Whiskey got to you.
Bill Gates, George Clooney, Bobby Shriver, Kanye West. Oprah, Chris Rock and other losers. What are they supporting? Apparently, after you pay a huge corporation a huge sum of your money; a small percentage goes to Africa to help stop and treat Aids there.
I've a crazy idea, maybe & JUST MAYBE!! If Africans STOPPED FUCKING, Aids would stop spreading amongst them. A wise man once told me to Practice safe sex and GO FUCK MY SELF!! (Another advice that'd help prevent & eliminate AIDS and other STDs).
Furthermore proving that I'm a genuis. I've already done saving them shitload of money & treat their condition by giving them two pieces advices.
Due to that bullshit campaign, I shall start my very own. PRODUCT (BROWN).
My mission:To help the world be a better place by putting an end to all BULLSHIT!
I suggest, to all those people who think they're rightous and want to make the world a better place, that they focus on a bigger more significant problem. A CURE FOR CANCER! Better yet, how about, atleast, finding a cure for the flu? (It's almost 2007 and all we did was find a treatment to it! I say: Learn to walk before you run). Maybe then I'd reconsider looking at Product (RED).
Until then, please support PRODUCT (BROWN)
P.S. Don't give me: The AIDS spread in many different ways other than sexual intercoarse. I know, I also know that we can prevent it by being careful, unlike a more unpredictable vicious disease such as: "Cancer".
