Still in Shock.
After a "many hours" drive, I've decided to rest at the nearest Inn, hotel and/or motel. My attitude was whatever. In my time I've been to some nasty motels, but never like Oakwood Inn. GOD DAMN!
You know you're in an idiosyncratic hotel when checking in and front desk services are in fact Drive Through. Matter of fact, that was the least of my worries. My biggest concern was the fact that I was in my car when I can smell incense sticks hitting me from there inside. I predicted a long night to come.
I would've went to ANY other accommodation facility, except there weren't any in any direction less than an hour away. I still regret not making the drive.
As Kumar approached me I could see the posters of Shiva and an Elephant dude among other Gods. Kumar lacked hospitality, I think I interrupted his: Jaan Pachechaan Ho moment (a song by Mohammed Rafi). He went Ya? (Nafseeta kanat ib 6araf khashma). Since he asked a question with an affirmative response, I thought they offered other services. I went on asking if they had any Biryani. At that point he almost hit me. (hatha awal elkhair).
So he goes: diz iz hodel!
Then gimme a room! I replied.
He asked me to wait, he then started to fill an application. (chena sij).
He then handed me the keys. Let me rephrase that. He then threw a key at me. 216 NO SMOKING! (zafni elkalb!)
I was in a scary looking Inn, it looked haunted. My friend, 7amad, thought it had demons. I didn't agree, I thought it had the white bed sheet kind of ghost. The ones that go BOO! The place looked THAT dramatic.
So after he threw the key, I actually asked a stupid question: Do you guys have WiFi?
He gave me an angry look. The type of look that goes: You're wasting my time!
He then went on: NO, VE GOD HBO!
At that point I wanted to drive to "216" before I burst into laughs, I couldn't.
After locating my room and the nearest parking I discovered there weren't any phone services nor Internet and we were in a ghost town. Not only were we mentally traumatized, but this is how horror movies start. So ta3awatht men iblees and I entered 216, It smelled like: SEX, SOCKS and SHAME!
It was rather hard for me to lay my head on a bed while knowing that not long ago a hooker was satisfying a trucker on my bed. The TV had no remote to it, then again it had no buttons. I think last time I saw a knob operated TV was back in the early 90's. I didn't mind that really.
My plans were to shave and goto sleep.
It's unusually rare when a hotel be beneath my expectations. I mean all I ask for is a decent soap bar and a towel (I know I've got low standards), But I draw the line when they offer me a sheet of tissue paper and try to pass it as a towel. It was to my surpise to find a ketchup sachet by the sink. Only to discover that it was shampoo!
I also draw the line when they offer me: 9aboon Ragi (The soap thing they sell in Kuwait, usually made in Syria and smells like sweaty balls. Most of the time it's unevenly cut and has the fingerprints of the manufacturer. Though they pass it as being natural and healthy, I'd rather be infested with chemicals). On top of all that, It was wrapped in aluminum!
As they say, there's a first time for everything. I washed up and shaved and went to lay on the bed! I felt rather disgusted with my self. Instantaneosly, I heard a BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG.. (you get the picture).
My neighbor's bedpost was banging against the walls. They were fucking!
I called front desk. I politely asked Kumar to tell them to keep it down since I needed to wake up in few hours. Kumar actually told me: YOU DELL DEM!
At this point I just decided to retire.
P.S. I smoked like crazy. I for one won't go outside and mess with a -2 weather for a cigarette. Certainly not when Kumar is "ORDERING" me not to do so.
