Hooray For Financial Crisis!

I like what is happening right now with the economy. It is rather exciting. Everytime I am free I go to the KSE and look at the sad faces. I cannot help but feel joy inside. I actually try and figure out how much they lost so far.

That guy with the white beard looks like he had lost 2,000 K.D. People are going insane, selling their stocks dirt cheap. I see the trades and I know someone is playing around, there are people profiting from this economic crisis.

I like how dramatic Karam goes over his money. One day he puts his rug on sale, the next day he takes a donkey. Trying to start a protest every chance he gets, He's so crazy. Good thing they booked him in for starting an illegal protest.

Some how the many 6ararat are not begging anymore. I think that's stupid. During this very crisis people try and give charity hoping God would give them back.

I know for a fact that, if not sooner, the crisis will end by December/January. This is all just to prove the inefficiency of capitalism. Every couple of years all its dirt goes on surface. Outside help is needed to make things better. As soon as they temporarily fix it, people get so happy they forget.

Hey at least I got to be on the news and a couple of newspapers as a random spectator. Sad faces everywhere, Nasser is smiling. I know I can talk about everything in details for hours. I do not want to. I will just contribute that everything is going to be fine. Sooner or later, everything does.

In the end, everyone is losing. I was told it is easy to make money when the economy is hyper. The hard part is to control your losses during a crisis like this. This is what separates the good investors from the bad ones.

OFF TOPIC: What is your favorite internal organ?

To Hell in a Handbasket

A good friend of mine is working on her Ph.D. in Computer Science. Part of her research is to develop technology to help aid Mentally Retarded people in Kuwait. (I know its politically incorrect to say Mentally Retarded but that's the technical term).

Apparently, since 1988, mental disability care in Kuwait had declined. I thought we do not need any technology to help them Mentally disabled people. Tards managed to help themselves fine over the years. As a matter of fact I can name a bunch of tards who are producing, providing, and maintaining just fine.

Take our lovely government for example. We have a bunch of retards running a whole lot of retards. There might be many who are normal, but they are usually pushed down. Our medical and educational system might be a good illustration of how to go beyond retardness. We got Bengali janitors working side by side with the nurses. The other day I had a Bengali with a razor offering to shave a relative's chest for his heart surgery, wearing those contaminated plastic yellow gloves claiming it was "nazeef". I have never trusted anyone with a razor other than my barber "Shahbaz" and myself. I sure as hell won't trust a hospital janitor. I thought there were gay filipino nurses to do that, and you get to get a happy ending too!

My other example is the Ministry of Education. Apparently, they teach English for all now. My good friend taught English for 5 years now, he never failed anyone! I was impressed that there were no dumb students. Back in the day, there were a couple of bright ones (e7em e7em) and whole bunch of dense ones.

He said he had the dumbest students but he did not fail them. When I asked why, his answer was that he taxed those kids by beating them senseless. I thought they banned beating, apparently he did not get that memorandum.

He simply made it clear. Had he failed a kid, his parents are going to nag and they would eventually beat that kid then he'll have to teach him again next year or even have make up duty by the end of his summer vacation. So instead he declares marshall law and spare himself all that inconvenience. He compensate for their stupidity, physically. It's like double jeopardy, a slap for a D.

Speaking of schools, they do not even own computers. I think the educational system relies on students to self educate at home by msn and facebook. That is a good way of creating independent individuals.

Of coarse, that's just a straw in a haystack for our case. We go beyond social workers and governmental sectors. Sure it takes you 6 hours to renew a torn driving license by passing through 12 staff employees, but that's nothing. Tards got most control. They managed to run for elections and get voted for by more tards further ruining a beautiful place I'd like to call home. I say: Anarchy or Bust.

So why do we need technology for the tards? Don't they already have nokias? Do they not gain their expertise by bluetoothing, and downloading music and porn? What else do we need?
I know! We need to be more like Um Abdullah. We need more plastic surgeons. Then even the more obvious looking mentally disabled, like people with down syndrome, would look normal. After all, why should we accept those scary looking people, we can't have that now can we?

Double Cheeseburger

My cousin Khalood keeps asking me for more posts. 

He wants to read something while at work. 

Well this one is for you. We the best, Khaled.

For me, ideas pop quicker than ping pong balls from a Thai chick. 

I was talking yesterday with a friend about double standards. 

Double standards nowadays comes in all shapes and sizes. 

Just like those people who act conservatively against what the world has become but at the same time contribute to its social failure. (hint hint Mr. Lo7ya Man).

Those are the very same people who ask for a clean environment but use automobiles.

Yeah, you're not any better than the drillers since you buy their product.  

I once talked to a drunk complaining about the corruption in this country. La ya sheeekh? 

But double standards go way further than that.

Like asking for equality among Kuwaitis but profiling a certain nation/3irj. Better yet not marrying certain people..

And then they call me racist. You are either profiling or not. You cannot choose to be both. Never worked that way. 

I heard about a feminist who gave my buddy a girly thank you when he decided to pay for their meal's check.

Had it been me, I would have split it. 

Not as a form of stinginess rather than a way of expressing my utter consideration for her "movement". 

How would you like that Betty Friedan?

Speaking of Betty, what are the consequences of asking a Feminist Dyke for a Blow Job? 

I know it sounds ugly, but does not a Job give them a sense of accomplishment?

What brought all that up? 

The fact that we knew a bunch of dudes who were GAGA for the opposite gender.

Usually, they are pretty nice and cool to be with. 

But when it comes to the ladies, it's a different story. 

Everything changes. 

All of a sudden their alter ego appear.

Voice goes soft, eyes becomes sweet, and chest gets inflated.

I do not mind that really, but it hurts to know someone who takes it that far. 

Kind of ruins my rep, as if I care about it.

Some dudes actually punk themselves to reach their goal. 

But then again, DS comes into action. 

I guess everyone has their share of DS.

I guess double standards are not that bad.

I will just label extreme cases with a different euphemism. 

I  am going to call it Double Cheeseburger. 

I hope no one, including us Khalood, meets a Double Cheeseburger, nor become into one.

Magul ela Allah yer7am ayamik ya Popeye.

P.S. 

The lyrics to Popeye's song goes a little bit like this: 

I'm  Popeye the Sailor Man

I'm Popeye the Sailor Man

I Yam What I Yam

And That's All That I Yam

I'm Popeye The Sailor Man

Much To My Misfortune

I have yet to see someone die right after saying: "HEY GUYS WATCH THIS".

I am looking forward to it though...

Loser's Heaven

I want to be on facebook. I want to put my face in a book. I want my profile to have a picture of me half naked so people could see how sexy my body is. I like the attention. I do not want people to admire my personality. I want to be seen as an object. I want a lot of comments about it too. I want them to call me Kooki. Kooki sounds 6y. 6y is short for SEXY. I will also write my words with numb3rs because I am too hip, and I am too busy. I also want ROOROO to comment on my photo. I liked her profile, she had a pic of her showing her butt with the word ROOROO typed over the yellow & black picture of her. She likes "fotoshob". After all, she did make her picture yellow & black all by herself. That must have been an accomplishment. How do I win Rooroo's heart? She got 60,000.324 friends! Maybe, if I had my bare chest with 24 pacs she'd be attracted to me. Why am I doing all that? Is it because I'm lonely? Maybe mommy did not give me enough attention? Or maybe I'm just a Loser...

Slow Death to the Masses

There was that beige bermuda physician with real big toes, all and all she looked cute.

Speaking of which, since when did nutritionists became doctors? I was never informed!

And doctor Hussa was talking about why that tailor made cuter lab coats.

I say try finding a tailor who makes cuter scrubs, pink is not the way to go.

Doctors are very nice, I really think they're cool, I just refuse to trust anyone who smiles that much.

Plus what if they can't diagnose decapitation? That can't be good!

I might trust House though. He's realistic

He's an asshole too, assholes are more credible.

I have been weird lately, basically I'm checking shoes and toes, deciding what should be my official drink for the time being, and counting days.

Right now my official drink is Tonic Water, it used to be sparkling, but now it changed.

My cousin Khaled got me addicted to it.

As for counting, if it was true that every cigarette I smoke reduces a day of my life span, I have already wasted 160 years.

I have been super distracted lately, I just came to find out that the heart muscle can shoot blood 10 meters in the air.

I really want to see this theory in action, I bet it'd make a big mess though.

The funny thing is, there is a smoking room in Al Amiri Hospital!

No, I am not talking about the stairs, where I usually smoke.

Any public hospital in Kuwait is a deathtrap.

Sicko aint got shit on our health system!

But the sad part was me finding a cigarette butt in the elevators, no, a burn mark on a private room's bed sheet.

I can't figure which is worse really.

Since I was 15 I have not went to any doctor, I somehow reckoned I can fix my self.

I know if I ever get the chance to goto a physician I'd find all types of diseases.

They say even saliva can kill you!

Only if swallowed in small portions over a long period of time!

But then again, I can't trust anyone who is being too nice to me, so instead I have been treating my self with herbs.

And no I am not referring to pot.

I bet I can spot a trainee doc from an expert. Just by eyeballing him/her.

Is it considered stealing?

If I shopped out of someone else's shopping cart?

I mean the shelves did not carry it, but I found the last available item!

I was stalking that lady earlier just to grab that thing I wanted.

The way I see it is, she did not pay, it was still for sale.

So was that stealing? Please advise.

Speaking of Stalking, I miss her.

Lastly, Dubai is a good place to be! Emaraties are SUPER nice too!

But the native ladies still have that weird bokla thing on their heads!

Please update.

I think Dubai derives from Do Buy, it was not more than a huge mall!

With clubs on the side..

Boredom is a Helluva Disease!

When was the last time you did something for the first time?

By 19 I've done it all. By 23 everything else happened.

Now I'm almost 26. I've been bored ever since!

The Chiquita Monologue

I do not mean to be cynical, who am I kidding? YES I DO.

But how come everytime I goto a Persian "baqala" and ask for a "moza" the guy instantly asks: MOOZ?

Try it, it works! EVERYTIME.

They got me buying bananas from every baqala I pass just to prove my point!

I'm not trying to be paranoid, but are they doing it on purpose?

Speaking of which, isn't honking at a baqala guy to bring what I want kind of degrading? Especially if he was over 70?

Is it not a type of forced slavery?

There have been wars over bananas in the past.

So try to refrain from honking at a baqala!

The Silent Listener

No really I'm loud,

But I am no Dr. Phil. Yes, I shave my head, I am not bald though!

However, I think people are mistaking me for him.

They keep laying relationship problems on me like eggs on easter.

I love this girl, but she's bla bla bla... (SHUT THE FUCK UP).

I do not know what to do about that yada yada yada... (SILENCE! In a James Earl Grey tone with a posh British accent).

I do not mind if people start laying their problems on me. Honestly, I want to help.

But somethings are almost unsolvable.

Speaking of which, can you justify cheating just because everyone else is doing it?

It's like watching retards fucking, just because it's funny.

Sure it's funny, it's perverse too!

PLUS, GIVE ME SOMETIME TO DEAL WITH MY OWN RELATIONSHIP!

Speaking of which, during the past year, the closest I got to a real relationship was a facebook profile, better yet a phone call to Hala Watani 801801.

And she keeps telling me I'm broke too! BITCH!

HOW TO QUIT IT!

The question was running through my head faster than a stampeding herd of angry oxen (metaphor).

So you just won a million?
How would you quit your job?

I thought:

Take a picture of my bare butt with the words: I QUIT, (SIGNATURE). Right under it.

Or maybe,

Stand on my employer's desk and piss: I QUIT! On his carpet.

My friend told me I won't quit, I work for the governmental sector. I'll go to my job whenever I want, (khal yakh9em kether ma yabi) he said.

I did not know that there was a NO FIRING policy in the governmental sector.

What about you? What would you do, career wise, in case you made a million. (Assuming that a million is a large amount).

In other news:

I'm trying to update this blog thingy, just like the homeless, I'm demanding change!

It's been a while and I need help.

If you're up for it please drop me a line here.

I know many of you breath blogs and stuff.

So hook me up with tips, suggestions, and minor technical help.

I Need Talents!

I don't think I will ever be able to justify dancing in the middle of a street or a mall wearing only a pair of socks.
That's why I will not do it (anytime soon). Unless I reach a whole different level of craziness, which I have failed to achieve (so far).

But if there was one ability I can develop it would be: Staring at people dead in the eyes and making their heads explode.
I know I can make something handy of that skill.

All in a Day's Work

Ramadan Work Hours:

9 A.M. - 3 P.M.

Nasser's Version:

10 A.M. Take the G.M.'s Parking Spot (Which literally has "6weel el 3omor's" name on it).

Start my P.C. at 10:15, I was socializing a bit with my colleagues.

Shut down the P.C. at 11:30.

Without excusing my self, I left at 12:00 P.M. Again I took my time socializing. (Being popular is a curse).

12:30 P.M. In bed till 5:45 P.M.

P.S. I work at a private sector company!

Please Don't Stare!

I like going out.

I also like to eventually grab a cup of java.

I like driving around with "no-goal-in-life" listening to my favorite tracks.

The thing I do not like is how people here stare at each other.

Everyone has that "despised" look on their faces.

I do not understand why people here have an attitude problem.

Big Daddy loser walking around with no accomplishment in life, thinking he's the best thing that ever happened in this country just because his mom thinks so along with his idiot friends.

Part of the reason I'm noting this common epidemic is due to an incident that took place sometime today.

Usually, whenever I'm out, the ratio of men to ladies in a place is 100:2.

While around 80% of the guys instantly assume that those two ladies fell in love with them, I sit back and enjoy the subliminal moves, messages and stares they throw at miss thing and her partner.

Sure, this really pumps some confidence to fatty, but the general order in Kuwait is: "Ma7ad e6ee7 ib chabd nafsa/ha".

So back to the lady incident that took place earlier today. While waiting on my order at the nearest Starbucks, speaking of that, Is it me? or is the line at Starbucks way too long, as if they're spreading their shit for free?

So yeah, while waiting, I accidently backed on some chick.

I immediately turned around and apologized.

Next thing I know, Bitch looks at me as if I was small! Rolls her eyes at me as if I was flashing!

See I did not expect any reply from her. I did not ask for an "it's ok.."

I specifically apologized to avoid her hostility!

Stuff like that makes you not want to leave your house!

But I guess it is safe to say: Common courtesy is not so common in Kuwait.

A.C.

I left as if I was programmed to run the hell away from home.

The only thing I don't like about my place is called: NO A.C.!

The lack of cool air really messes my decision making abilities. So I escaped to my friend's place. (Where I can also score free food).

As soon as I'm at my friend's I noticed too many cars. Being the idiot I am, I went in (I was still in my PJ's).

Much to my dismay, it was his father's day to use the Duwaneya.

They had two features which I couldn't resist:

1- Small Duwaneya.
2- Freezer-like air conditioning.

While enjoying the cool breeze I came to find out something that may help many of you in life.

Your credibility gradually increases/decreases depending on what you're wearing.

Which brings me to a major Q: When did everyone suddenly become a political critique in this country?

I don't mind sharing/hearing the "eventual" political P.O.V on certain matters, but certainly not with an INFANT!!

In Heaven We Shall Meet..

It is very hard to keep somethings inside.

At some point I need a person to tell what is bothering me.

But what if I do not have that person?

What can I do when there is too much inside and it cannot be vented?

I think I should just wait until I explode.

I never meant hurting anyone, but I recently did.

I might not talk to the people I hurt, for that I apologize.

Since last week I have been wishing and praying for my death.

I sure hope it would be quick and painless, but I know deserve a slow and painful one.

I rarely fuck up, not that I am perfect or anything, I just try to avoid mistakes.

But when I do eventually fuck up, I do it big. For that I am sorry.

Recently I gambled with three lives one of which is mine. I lost the bet.

No one died during the process, I just know that the three of us will never be the same.

The value of what is considered priceless is unknown until it is lost.

And when I eventually lost, all I had left was hope and regret.

I hope I can redeem my self. I hope I would be forgiven. I hope I can fix what I broke.

I regret what I did. I wish it never happened. I should not have done it.

And for that I am very sorry.