Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire

I do not get pathological liars.
I do not get liars period.

I mean I am sure there is a reason, but why? I really need to know.
I stumble upon liars like e'eryday.

Lying is an easy escape but a damned prison!

I myself do not lie. I do have my own method of story telling.

I like exaggerating and dramatizing a certain situation.

For example 10 minutes in human standards is 10 in Nasser years. 10,000 years is a regular phrase too.

I am proud of it since I just figured out that 10,000 years is translated to BANZAI in Japanese.

This is out of respect for the Emperor, started during the 8th century, when they wished he reigned for 10,000 years.

I sure hope he does, unfortunately I do not think I have that much patience, lemme die and get over with it.

In case you did not notice, I am practicing some Japanese, hopefully I would be able to speak it by the end of the year.

But back to the main point, why do they keep lying?

I can understand the usual customary compliment lie. Mashalla, your shoes are nice!

(I was wearing a pair of crocs with a dishdasha to work you idiot how nice is that? And why the hell are you checking out my feet anyways, you freak!)

But patholically lying about everything!?
This is simply unbearable.

One of my people usually calls everyday at 5 P.M. asking me what I got planned for today?
Nothing Dowaniya..
I'll be there in an hour.

He never shows up. Why did you bother calling and/or give me a false promise?
This does not bother me.

There are other types of liars. The ones who steal actual events to share placing themselves and others as main characters. That is better than choosing a cartoon and replace elsanafir with you and your family. Either ways its pathetic.

Back in highschool I had a guy who claimed he was chilling with "7akeem el aqzam"
TRUE STORY!
But then again he also claimed that a dragon lit him a cigarette and the ownership of a printer that prints stuff he bought from amazon! I sure hoped that was true.

I wanted to believe some of the shit I heard from people over the years just because it would be cool.

There are also those who seek to spread rumours. A fantasy porno, an important death, a big embezzlement, even a war! So what use is that? and how is it constructive?

By the way, concealing the truth is just ask good! Sure sometimes truth hurts, but I would rather be hurt than be lied to. As if I got any feelings left.

Good thing I can spot a lie EASY, and I do not have tolerance to those who do it. Whether it is a friend, family, or even a total stranger, I immediately blow thier cover and call their bluff. I kinda enjoy it.

In all cases lying is not healthy, and what scared me the most, its considered a way of life here in Kuwait!

And then 17 y/o girls blame their 27 y/o boyfriends for doing something nasty, the wife blames the husband for cheating, the consumer blames the producer for false advertising, the people blame the politicians for faking it, and everyone blames ze Egyptians.

(I do not know how I reached that conclusion so do not ask.)

I rarely give a promise because I keep mine. I hope some of the important peoples in Kuwait keep theirs. Yes, I am aware I pluralized people.

In the end I ask myself, is it worth lying? what is it for? Money? Fame? Whatever? I really do not care I just think it is plain cowardness.

Speaking of Cowardness and Banzai I am, along with a certain reader, we are, going to live like a gyokusai, a shattered jewel.

大丈夫寧可玉砕何能瓦全

"a great man should die as a shattered jewel rather than live as an intact tile"

Poker is fair game though

Hooray For Financial Crisis!

I like what is happening right now with the economy. It is rather exciting. Everytime I am free I go to the KSE and look at the sad faces. I cannot help but feel joy inside. I actually try and figure out how much they lost so far.

That guy with the white beard looks like he had lost 2,000 K.D. People are going insane, selling their stocks dirt cheap. I see the trades and I know someone is playing around, there are people profiting from this economic crisis.

I like how dramatic Karam goes over his money. One day he puts his rug on sale, the next day he takes a donkey. Trying to start a protest every chance he gets, He's so crazy. Good thing they booked him in for starting an illegal protest.

Some how the many 6ararat are not begging anymore. I think that's stupid. During this very crisis people try and give charity hoping God would give them back.

I know for a fact that, if not sooner, the crisis will end by December/January. This is all just to prove the inefficiency of capitalism. Every couple of years all its dirt goes on surface. Outside help is needed to make things better. As soon as they temporarily fix it, people get so happy they forget.

Hey at least I got to be on the news and a couple of newspapers as a random spectator. Sad faces everywhere, Nasser is smiling. I know I can talk about everything in details for hours. I do not want to. I will just contribute that everything is going to be fine. Sooner or later, everything does.

In the end, everyone is losing. I was told it is easy to make money when the economy is hyper. The hard part is to control your losses during a crisis like this. This is what separates the good investors from the bad ones.

OFF TOPIC: What is your favorite internal organ?

To Hell in a Handbasket

A good friend of mine is working on her Ph.D. in Computer Science. Part of her research is to develop technology to help aid Mentally Retarded people in Kuwait. (I know its politically incorrect to say Mentally Retarded but that's the technical term).

Apparently, since 1988, mental disability care in Kuwait had declined. I thought we do not need any technology to help them Mentally disabled people. Tards managed to help themselves fine over the years. As a matter of fact I can name a bunch of tards who are producing, providing, and maintaining just fine.

Take our lovely government for example. We have a bunch of retards running a whole lot of retards. There might be many who are normal, but they are usually pushed down. Our medical and educational system might be a good illustration of how to go beyond retardness. We got Bengali janitors working side by side with the nurses. The other day I had a Bengali with a razor offering to shave a relative's chest for his heart surgery, wearing those contaminated plastic yellow gloves claiming it was "nazeef". I have never trusted anyone with a razor other than my barber "Shahbaz" and myself. I sure as hell won't trust a hospital janitor. I thought there were gay filipino nurses to do that, and you get to get a happy ending too!

My other example is the Ministry of Education. Apparently, they teach English for all now. My good friend taught English for 5 years now, he never failed anyone! I was impressed that there were no dumb students. Back in the day, there were a couple of bright ones (e7em e7em) and whole bunch of dense ones.

He said he had the dumbest students but he did not fail them. When I asked why, his answer was that he taxed those kids by beating them senseless. I thought they banned beating, apparently he did not get that memorandum.

He simply made it clear. Had he failed a kid, his parents are going to nag and they would eventually beat that kid then he'll have to teach him again next year or even have make up duty by the end of his summer vacation. So instead he declares marshall law and spare himself all that inconvenience. He compensate for their stupidity, physically. It's like double jeopardy, a slap for a D.

Speaking of schools, they do not even own computers. I think the educational system relies on students to self educate at home by msn and facebook. That is a good way of creating independent individuals.

Of coarse, that's just a straw in a haystack for our case. We go beyond social workers and governmental sectors. Sure it takes you 6 hours to renew a torn driving license by passing through 12 staff employees, but that's nothing. Tards got most control. They managed to run for elections and get voted for by more tards further ruining a beautiful place I'd like to call home. I say: Anarchy or Bust.

So why do we need technology for the tards? Don't they already have nokias? Do they not gain their expertise by bluetoothing, and downloading music and porn? What else do we need?
I know! We need to be more like Um Abdullah. We need more plastic surgeons. Then even the more obvious looking mentally disabled, like people with down syndrome, would look normal. After all, why should we accept those scary looking people, we can't have that now can we?

Please Don't Stare!

I like going out.

I also like to eventually grab a cup of java.

I like driving around with "no-goal-in-life" listening to my favorite tracks.

The thing I do not like is how people here stare at each other.

Everyone has that "despised" look on their faces.

I do not understand why people here have an attitude problem.

Big Daddy loser walking around with no accomplishment in life, thinking he's the best thing that ever happened in this country just because his mom thinks so along with his idiot friends.

Part of the reason I'm noting this common epidemic is due to an incident that took place sometime today.

Usually, whenever I'm out, the ratio of men to ladies in a place is 100:2.

While around 80% of the guys instantly assume that those two ladies fell in love with them, I sit back and enjoy the subliminal moves, messages and stares they throw at miss thing and her partner.

Sure, this really pumps some confidence to fatty, but the general order in Kuwait is: "Ma7ad e6ee7 ib chabd nafsa/ha".

So back to the lady incident that took place earlier today. While waiting on my order at the nearest Starbucks, speaking of that, Is it me? or is the line at Starbucks way too long, as if they're spreading their shit for free?

So yeah, while waiting, I accidently backed on some chick.

I immediately turned around and apologized.

Next thing I know, Bitch looks at me as if I was small! Rolls her eyes at me as if I was flashing!

See I did not expect any reply from her. I did not ask for an "it's ok.."

I specifically apologized to avoid her hostility!

Stuff like that makes you not want to leave your house!

But I guess it is safe to say: Common courtesy is not so common in Kuwait.

makes you think..

Tag:

1- never slept more than 24 hrs!
2- got the ability to shut off from all surroundings.
3- have an ambition of growing my beard till my belly and dying it with henna.
4- still wanna be a cop.
5- can sleep anywhere! Literally.
6- look at things differently.
7- own four alarm clocks two of which has two different alarms.
8- middle finger "imkha9ar".
9- would taste any food item, atleast once. (except reptiles). Maybe snake.
10- don't believe in "phobia".

Check this out - Walla it's worth it!
I loved the old days! As I recall.



The Question was:
What would you do If you "had" a superpower.
I liked the "Hardcore Salmiya Fan" - Who said we didn't have hooligans? :P

Sir Bartholomew in Kuwait - 1938

We've been blessed with oil. I've been telling my friends that our attitude should be to improve ourselves rather than taking it for granted. Then we started imagining how life would be for us without oil. It was one depressing thought. Our education sucks, health care is worse than death and many of our people are shallowly into useless trends. We need to change all that and improve. We've nothing to offer to the world but oil, without it we'd be like Botswana, (whatever Botswana is).

Just for fun, I made up a conversation that would've took place in 1938, had the Brits not discover Petroleum in Kuwait:

Sir Bartholomew: Goodness Gracious, it's rather blistering here, don't you say Nigel?

Nigel: Indeed your Excellency.

Sir Bartholomew: What's up with these bloody Bedouins in that bloody Dish-Dash of theirs.

Nigel: I reckon they took it from the Scots, Sire.

Sir Bartholomew: So what's the word lad? Did we find anything?

Nigel: Owt Sire, only sand, lots of it.

Sir Bartholomew: Are you indicating I'm in the back and beyond for donkey's year being courteous with those barbaric pillocks for naught Nigel?

Nigel: Bob's your uncle Sire.

Sir Bartholomew: That's Gormless! Crikey Nigel - It appears like we've naught to pinch from this pig's ear. We've no need for them.

Nigel: Shall I address Her Majesty's Navy to annihilate them Sire?

Sir Bartholomew: Dear God, no Nigel, they smell like cabbage. Let them go to rack and ruin in their dessert.

Nigel: Jolly good then. Pip pip cheerio and all that rot Kuwait!

***

In other words, the world isn't being nice to us "3ashan suwad e3yoona". The world can only take so much bullshit before it loses it. So lets not be self centered and lets make our country proud.

P.S. As much as I'm fascinated with the British Language - YES! For me, it's a different language - I've no knowledge nor understanding of it. Also, as much as I tried, I can't get a hold of the accent. (But I can master Hic, Chinese & Jamaican so that ought to make up for it). :P

P.S.S. No offense intended towards the United Kingdom and Botswana as countries, governments and as citizens. I was just trying to make a point.

Shine Some Sun Where The Sun Don't Shine.

"See, you don't know what rape is like. For years, I thought it was funny. Oh yeah! Rape's so funny. Until you've been raped. You're about to find out what that's like." Carl Brutananadilewski.



There's a new fad in Kuwait, it's called Rohypnol. Although Kuwaiti potheads employed it to getting WASTED, some never failed to find a new application for it. DATE RAPE.

Earlier today I was chatting to a bright Biologist friend of mine who works for The MOI at the Forensics Department. She claimed that last month alone had 12 different cases of DATE RAPE. Now I sure as hell don't recall living in Alaska*.

I remember the old days when we couldn't "get some" we went and did "the Five Knuckle Shuffle", things were peachy back then!

Now the new craze is: Date my sweetheart - Drug her - Turn her brown eye BLUE!

Usually the victims are young girls.
Now what are we going to do about it?

I mean I can tell you exactly what would happen: After few weeks The Attorney would ask for a blood sample of the raped victim. By then, evidence would be washed out her system. There would be no conviction beyond reasonable doubt. The victim will in turn be labeled as a "Lying Slut". Was it all worth it?

I really hope that the after effects of "Rape" be washed out the system like Rohypnol, but that's not the way things go.

I wish for one day I can take care of these matters legally, I know I'd make a huge difference only because I'd be executing those bastards. Now you need to know that my ways will have no discrimination. I won't let it slide because the rapist bastard was rich or "famous". (Even though my new rule in life is not to harm an insect, but those ANIMALS are below that and it's unforgivable what they do).

When rape is proven:

Rapists shall receive the Death Penalty.
It would be public.
It will be entertaining and aired on T.V.

Now we all know Hanging is boring, too quick and WAY too soft. I want Vengeance, SOMETHING BIG, SOMETHING AWESOME (not awesome like the Oscar Meyer Hotdogs, I'm talking Shakespearean awesome, Poetic awesome). So here is my idea of an ideal punishment for those PIG FUCKS:

Location:

A "Farm** in Chabd" (where it all started).

The Penalties:

* Beheadings.

* Burning rapists on stakes! (Witches Style).

* Castration and/or emasculation - And I'm not talking about the clinical ones, I'm talking with an AXE!

* Smother the rapist with cow phermones and leave him in a room with a big horny bull, till death do them part.

* Be spanked to death with a rolled News Paper. (Wonder how long that'd take).

* Crucifixion! (That have always been a classic).

* Lock two rapists in a room with each other. Since they have no shame nor self control eventually they'd fuck eachother to death.

* Load their asses with suppository C4 and BLOW THEIR BLOW HOLES (Preperation C4).

* Ivan's style: A large frying pan filled with boiling KY GEL, I'm not sure if that'd work but Fry those bastards (DICKS 1st).

* Bungee jump them to death. But instead of tying the rope around the waist, tie around the balls. That's going to be PAINFUL.

Imagine all that on TV, with Instant Replay, slow motion and everything! 3ebra leman la ya3tabir!
I know guys would think twice about spiking drinks. I know rape would be a word never to be used again in Kuwait.

I also know the "Spermatoza Channel" will get great ratings. With few advertisements that'd pay the cost of each execution from sponsors like: KY, Durex and Viagra (or as I like to call it: Erection In Defiance of God's Will - EIDOGW for short).

And girls, what did mommy and daddy tell you about taking foods/drinks from strangers? When someone says they love you don't hesitate sneaking a peak at their crotch, if you see a bulge - RETREAT! (Unless Y'all are cool like that).

Speaking of rape I found this article few days back. I can't help but ask, WHY? What kind of social life did he have?

* Alaska: The highest Rape Rate in The United States is in Alaska! Silly of me, I thought it was too cold to get naked.

** Can't help but smile when reading/writing the word farm in association with Kuwait.

***Dedicated to G. Thanks :)

Emergency Evacuation

Last Friday I was at the movie theatre. All of a sudden, fire alarms went off. Our town's theatre is a humble eight screen building. As I was getting ready to withdraw I imagined hell would break loose. I tend to think of many people as being, somewhat, dramatic especially Americans. Then again, I'm the mellow type. So as I crossed my aisle I imagined people running over each other some would scream, others stomping each other & probably even few looters here and there.

To my surprise, people were unruffled & calm. Every occupant in the building moved towards the nearest exit in an orderly manner. It took the whole packed movie theatre to be evacuated within 2 minutes. That was enough time for two fire trucks, two ambulances & six police cars to appear.



Fortunately, there were no losses. A movie reel simply caught fire. Sucks for the viewers at that time, but hey, shit happens & thats a fact.

The situation had me thinking, WHAT IF:

What if, hypothetically speaking & God forbid, there was a fire in a building in Kuwait?

How would people react?
How soon would 300 - 400 people evacuate the same building?
How promptly would the Law Enforcements, Fire Department & Ambulance get to the scene?

* Last accident I had in Kuwait was in the 5th Ring Road, near Salmiya, It took the PO almost an hour to show up. (ma3thoren kanat 7azat ghada).

Final Thoughts

* When, God forbid, you think you'd soon be in an accident or there was a vague possibility of you being a victim of the circumstance in Kuwait; Make sure you call prior to it. Try to schedule a rendezvous (if you will), see when they're free and try your best to delay your misfortune for when it's appropriate for our Men in Beige, The Few, The Proud, The KWPD.

OFF TOPIC

* It's Turkey Day today. I refuse to call it Thanks Giving, only because I'm not quite sure what are they thanking for exactly?

Is it for killing a bunch of Apaches and stealing their land?
Or for landing on Plymouth after departing from Plymouth?

+

What type of thanks is it?

Is it the: Thank you chump kinda deal?
or I'm sorry I killed your people and stole your land but thanks anyway?

Anyways, my concern is that everything is closed (apparently everyone is a bit too thankful), and I'm hungry as hell (and its only 2:00 PM).

How to be ghetto.

Part of my rituals, when visiting Kuwait during summers in the past 4 years, was to leave on Fridays on a direct flight back to Newyork. Another part was to go on a last shopping spree during my last weekend in Kuwait. During my last visit, on a thursday, Sept. 8th 2005, I commited the fatal error of going to "Marina Mall."

I was surprised by the number of posers I've seen in one day.
Examples:

* A bunch of unexperienced "Porn Star" wannabes.


* A group of goth kids who happen to attend prestigious schools, living in a big house, getting a handsome allowance.


* A rock star show off who happens to have no knowledge in 6 strings.


* A couple of friends walking side by side one wearing a New York Yankees baseball cap while the other is wearing a Boston Red Socks (note: Boston is New York's arch enemy it's impossible to see that in the streets, except for in Kuwait).



* The original group of sk8er boiz, who never rode a skateboard, matter of fact the best they could do is a spin in the ice skating ring in Murgab.


* Last but not least & the ones whom I dislike with a passion are the ghetto wannabe kids.


I may have some background in goths, baseball, porn, rock and skating, but the most expertise I've got is in the ghetto. Since I used to live there (cheaper rent) for 2 years. Also since, no thanks to the Kuwaiti Embassy, I just got out of my "mandatory" field trip around 3 Jails in 3 different states here in the states within the period of a month (but lets not get into that just yet).

So let's try and make this short & sweet.

Q: Why do I dislike "ghetto wannabes" in Kuwait?
A: Amongst the many reasons I've got those are the major ones.
1. They've got no crack hoe cousins.
2. They didn't live no hard life on the streets.
3. They're not "keeping it real".
4. They're not a minority.
5. They're not living a life of "crime & sorrow".
6. They carry no "gats".
7. They have major difficulties trying to imitate.

This is where I come in. Help those "lost" kids correctly imitate. After all, whatever you want to do (whether its right or wrong), do it correctly.

Note to young gangster wannabes: You seriously need a role model.

First of all, to be a true ghetto fab, you need to establish a name.
Usually referred to as "GNS."
Your name, among many reasons, may support your cause, location or likes depending on how shallow you are.

Examples of Male Ghetto Names:

1. Junebug.
2. Thug (your name here). e.g. Thug Thamer
3. Youngster (if you're "young" DUH).
4. Smiley.
5. Mean (your name here). e.g. Mean Mo6lag
6. Mr. (your location). e.g. Mr. 3arthiya
7. Lamanjala (if you are a fan of Lemon Jello).
8. Bigg (something). e.g. Bigg Bo 3ali
9. Lil something. e.g. Lil Lo2ay
10. Whitey. (Since most influenced Kuwaiti "thugs" are white, Oreo would work too).

Another method is adding any of those to your 1st initial: -izzle, -azzle, izzy, - with Dub, Masta - and - angster.

Examples of Female Ghetto Names:

This is easy, simply add -iqua to your name.
e.g. Your name may be: Sibeecha, Shag7a or Dalal = Sibeechiqua, Shag7iqua or Dalaliqua.

Note: always add an AKA to your name. e.g. AKA Bidoon 7idood, AKA Fakhfakheena

After establishing a name, part of being a notorious character, try to set up a gang.

Forming a Gang

Usually a gang consists of 5 highschool kids, all white, with one "Palestinian Rapper" (MC Zaytoon)

and a black "godfather" from Thanaweyat Kaifan, a 24 y/o dude whose in it for the money. They usually idolize Marzoog due to the sole fact of him being "black".

When setting up a gang, naming is an important aspect that should never be neglected.
The best way to name your gang is after the street or area you grew up in or hang around. E.g. Bin Khaldoon's Masses, F7ai7eel's Folks, Kaifan Kings, Hawalli's Haterz.

Subsequent to the establishment of your nicknames & location, we goto the "Gears".

Ghetto Style
Every OG needs a Gear. Thug Fashion consists of a number of basic items:

1. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXL T-shirt.

2. A pair of Tommy Hilfiger Baggy pants.

3. Fake platinum watch.

4. Gold Teeth.

5. A Pair of Air Jordan's, or Timber's.


6. A Hat of the team you represent do not bend visor, simply flat (also never take the tags off).

7. An iced out ridiculous looking pendant.


Always make sure that you sag your "baggy pants" half way down your waist.


After making sure that your clothes are legit, work on the development of your vocabulary

Ghetto Vocab:

1. Add an S or Z to any thing you got to say:
e.g. I got to go = I GOTSA GOES

2. Always swear, use a swear word as a comma if you will.
e.g. I went to my "homie" to borrow some "doe", unfortunately he didn't have any. = I (fucking) went to my (motherfucking) "homie" to gets me some (motherfucking) "doe", that (motherfucker) aint gots (shit).

3. When you need to label something, use the 1st word + izzle.
e.g. I went to the store to buy some cigarettes = I went to the sizzle to gets me some cizzle.

4. Words that need to be replaced:
Shoes = kicks
there = thurrrr
pair = purrrr
tattoo = ink
am = iz e.g. ( I am what I am = I iz what I iz)
two = duece
chow = groceries/food
9aida/easy catch = duck/afflack
reputation = jacket
snitch = rat
I got no problem = I aint trippin
drugs = dope
crystal meth = ice
diamonds = ice
conflict = beef
son of a bitch = sunumabitch
bitch = biatch
I agree = word

By now you have an over view of how to speak and look ghetto. Let me move on to my commencement pointers.

Commencement:

Things you need to do:
1. It's not ghetto to listen to Rap/Hiphop when you're in your mom's minivan while "riding" with your driver.
2. Eat as much fried chicken as you could, drink as much grape juice as you could.


3. Make sure both your pressure & cholestrol level are off the roof.
4. Always walk around with your "gat" (and no a 3ajra doesn't count as a "gat")

5. Do as much drugs as you can. Remmember you're not ghetto if you don't have atleast 3 friends whom have already ODed.

6. Make sure you spend sometime in the big house.

7. Always smoke menthols.

8. Spit, swear, burp & fart in public.
9. Always be as loud as you can be. Also when in public try to shout out yay yay, or bark few times.
10. As much as you can try and grab your crotch, incase you lost your dick somewhere in those baggy pants, better yet to check and see if you got one in the first place.


Now you're set to be a ghetto/gangster. Establish a gang, look for other gangs. Kill each other. If you all don't die in a drive by, try your very best to OD on drugs. If you can't reach these goals, make sure you do something stupid and end up being locked up in jail for a long time where you'd be somebody's (bitch).

Embassy of Kuwait

Recently, a month back, I've been going through a major obstacle in my academic life.

Being a foreign student in the United States, I seeked refuge via various means.

At first I tried Friends and Student Union (ya36ehom el3afya), on my behalf they contacted the Embassy of Kuwait in the United States. Which from now on I will freely call The Embarrassment of Kuwait in the United States.

They answered calls for 3 days, then they quit receiving any. They provided no help what so ever.

One of the characters that I shall work hard to sully his name is: Mr. Nabeel Al Dakheel, 1st Secretary of the embassy.

Instead of fullfilling his position: (Which I think part of it is to manage and assure the well being & safety of "Kuwaiti" citizens in the states) Correct me if I was wrong. He, on the other hand, managed to make me feel worse by not giving a shit, also without knowing the nature of my problem claimed it was my mistake & that i should deal with it. (6b 7alil ma3ashik!!).

I shalln't go any further in details. In the mean while I shall simply enjoy my time & try to re-collect my thoughts for a much bigger story with proof & evidence of the inefficiency of: The Embarrassment of Kuwait in the United States.