Thursday, November 30, 2006

NyQuil

I just woke up after 2 days of sleep, feeling as Fresh as Today's Headlines.

The weather was beautiful. It was simply sunny and warm.
5 minutes later..
It became a bit cloudy.

Speaking of cloudy, it really gets to me when I'm reading a novel and the bullshit author suddenly has the urge of wasting a whole chapter of his book, my life and my precious time to describe a fucking cloud.

"..and so the cloud cluttered caressing the sky as a huge piece of white shit in the sky bearing warm rain like transparent piss."


So it started to rain. No, It's a thunder storm. Wait a minute, it's hot again.

And so I got the flu.

Which brings me to my favorite drug. To hell with Marijuana, Hashish, Cocaine, Hallucinogens and Heroin. When I get sick I do the christmas drug. Either Green or Red. I do NyQuil.
The moonshine of medicine. The only drug known to man that actually tastes like Red & Green.

I, now, never take my chances with sore throat. Every time i neglect my sore throat I end up having a bad case of infection that can't be fixed but with Anti-Biotics. Since I dislike doctor visits, I seek my only refuge, NyQuil an over the counter medicine. After doing few shots of that thing I'm good to hibernate.

Last thing I remember since writing this was two days ago sipping some of that Red & Green. Now, I hear many things had happened during my sleep. My roommate was freaked out because I woke up with a rough voice as if I just hit puberty, TWICE. He claimed I actually uttered the following:

ME: Tukfa Fahood, gola e6awilni bo6ol elmay.
He then responded: "Meno?"
ME: Hathak elee wagif yam telephony, 7akeem elaqzam.


Right after my outrageous outburst, I hit another shot of NyQuil & went back to sleep. He, Fahad, freaked out because he just done watching the exorcist. He thought I was possessed by some demonic spirit. I was, it's called NyQuil and it's one hell of a drug.

Wikipedia's Info On NyQuil

Monday, November 27, 2006

Autumn.

Main Entry: au·tumn
Pronunciation: 'o-t&m
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English autumpne, from Latin autumnus
1 : the season between summer and winter comprising in the northern hemisphere usually the months of September, October, and November or as reckoned astronomically extending from the September equinox to the December solstice -- called also fall. A view from the top

At school we used to learn enough about the seasons of the year. Sadly, in Kuwait we never got to witness but: Summer & Winter.
I my self haven't seen anything as beautiful as Falls in Louisiana. Those photos were took by me yesterday.

Yellow

Mashalla I saw all colors on those dying trees. I actually thought one needed photoshop to create something as beautiful as that.

Fall

The fact that those pictures were took over at my friend's own backyard is priceless.
Imagine waking up and looking over nature's own piece of colorful classy art.
You may see the complete set of pictures I took over at my friend's on my Flickr.

P.S. Please excuse the bad quality of the pics, since I haven't my digital camera and I was only using my camera phone.

Saturday, November 25, 2006

Sameera & I

One of my friend's is about to be blessed with a child, he was discussing with me names he wanted to call his future son: Laith, Haytham, Lo2ay or Sameer. 6ab3an elasami "alla bel khair".

What caught his attention was me laughing when he said: Sameer. Offcoarse, to my misfortune, Sameer happens to be both his brother and his grandfather. So he wanted an explanation..

The following events took place during 1998 or 1999:

To this day, I never can help but snicker when I hear the name "Sameer" and/or "Sameera".
Perhaps it's by reason of some of my childhood memories. Fa6oo6a and/or Majalat Sameer.

Back in the "Pre Low Weist Era A.K.A. ayam eljahiliya. I used to wear pants that went all the way up to my nipples, but that's not the subject. I remember I had an old raggedy Siemens phone, (I've always been an Anti Nokia Enthusiast). Let's not get into unnessecary details. I've received a phone call from Sameera's Friend (SF for short):

RING RING

Me: Aloo.

SF: Aloo.

Me: Na3am?

SF: Momkin akalim Sameera?

Me: Nemra ghala6.

CLICK (mo ela tgool asfa 3al ez3aj).

After two weeks, I've received another phone call:

RING RING

Me: Aloo.

SF: Momkin akalim Sameera?

Me: (trying to be a smart ass) Weyach.

SF: Meno?

Me: Ana Sameera, khair?

SF: SAMEERA, SAMEERA!

Me: La, ana Sameera wa7da bss.

CLICK (Ham no Phone Etiquette).

After few days, I think SF estanisat 3ala elwath3.

RING RING

Me: Hala?

SF: Momkin akalim Sameera?

Me: 9abrich ya roo7, inty lel7en mo mestaw3iba ini mo Sameera?

CLICK (This time it was on like donkey kong!)

I went to our Dewaneya. I explained everything to my friends. I asked to call that number and ask for Sameera. At that time I was but a young misguided teenager. Lets not forget to mention that I also had a bad case of: Napoleon Complex, Not to mention my on going cases of both OCD & ADD.

For a whole week, everyone I knew back then called SF. Cellphones, home phones, baqala phones. Even the pay phone elee kan 3ind jam3iyat el-Shamiya!

After I gave her a taste of her own medicine, I called two weeks later.

RING RING

SF: Alo.

Me: SALAM!

SF: Hala, meno?

Me: Ana Sameera, fee a7ad eti9al 3alay?

SF: Laughs

CLICK

Friday, November 24, 2006

KKKramer!

If you're familiar with Seinfeld, you're definately familiar with Michael Richards AKA Cosmo Kramer.



Recently Mr. Richards went crazy on a stand up show. He started throwing racist remarks on an "African Americans". Apparently He was interrupted by an "African American" while on stage performing. Offcoarse that didn't help his, washed up, career at all.

KKKramer's Racist Video:



Kramer, being a Hollywood celebrity, had to apologize on air on Late Show with David Letterman:



Unfortunately, black celebrities rejected his apology claiming:

* Its the pussy way out to do it on Letterman.

* He should apologize at the apollos.

* Go back to the comedy club and apologize from there.

Commencement:

"One man's misfortune is another man's gain."







Kramer apologized, "African Americans" are satisfied, Entrepreneurs made $$.
Happy Day.

UPDATE

Paul Mooney had something to say about the "crisis" on Fox News.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Emergency Evacuation

Last Friday I was at the movie theatre. All of a sudden, fire alarms went off. Our town's theatre is a humble eight screen building. As I was getting ready to withdraw I imagined hell would break loose. I tend to think of many people as being, somewhat, dramatic especially Americans. Then again, I'm the mellow type. So as I crossed my aisle I imagined people running over each other some would scream, others stomping each other & probably even few looters here and there.

To my surprise, people were unruffled & calm. Every occupant in the building moved towards the nearest exit in an orderly manner. It took the whole packed movie theatre to be evacuated within 2 minutes. That was enough time for two fire trucks, two ambulances & six police cars to appear.



Fortunately, there were no losses. A movie reel simply caught fire. Sucks for the viewers at that time, but hey, shit happens & thats a fact.

The situation had me thinking, WHAT IF:

What if, hypothetically speaking & God forbid, there was a fire in a building in Kuwait?

How would people react?
How soon would 300 - 400 people evacuate the same building?
How promptly would the Law Enforcements, Fire Department & Ambulance get to the scene?

* Last accident I had in Kuwait was in the 5th Ring Road, near Salmiya, It took the PO almost an hour to show up. (ma3thoren kanat 7azat ghada).

Final Thoughts

* When, God forbid, you think you'd soon be in an accident or there was a vague possibility of you being a victim of the circumstance in Kuwait; Make sure you call prior to it. Try to schedule a rendezvous (if you will), see when they're free and try your best to delay your misfortune for when it's appropriate for our Men in Beige, The Few, The Proud, The KWPD.

OFF TOPIC

* It's Turkey Day today. I refuse to call it Thanks Giving, only because I'm not quite sure what are they thanking for exactly?

Is it for killing a bunch of Apaches and stealing their land?
Or for landing on Plymouth after departing from Plymouth?

+

What type of thanks is it?

Is it the: Thank you chump kinda deal?
or I'm sorry I killed your people and stole your land but thanks anyway?

Anyways, my concern is that everything is closed (apparently everyone is a bit too thankful), and I'm hungry as hell (and its only 2:00 PM).

Movie Review - Stranger Than Fiction

I've recently attended the new Will Ferrell movie, Stranger Than Fiction. Being a big fan of Will Ferrell I knew it would be a good movie. The story was surreal and smart. Will's performance was as outstanding as ever. Eventhough I wasn't moved by the ending (I hoped they kept the original), I thought it was in fact a good movie.

The Plotline: An IRS auditor suddenly finds himself the subject of narration only he can hear: narration that begins to affect his entire life, from his work, to his love-interest, to his death.

The mixture of stars in the movie was excellently blended: Will Ferrell, Emma Thompson, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Dustin Hoffman & Queen Latifa (only if you want to label her as a star).

Will appears in a rather new style; while his sense of humor is as great as always, this time it's rather mellowed out a bit.



I related to the movie since I was once as "em3aqad" as the typical accountant. Obssessed with counting steps and tiles. 7emdilla I got over it.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

NOLA!


I've just arrived from New Orleans, Louisiana, The #1 Sin City in the U.S.

If truth be told, I've arrived last night, but due to the fact of 3 consecutive days of no and/or little sleep, I had some catching up to do with my beloved sofa.

Our trip was a compensation for our long awaited "Eid" trip, which had to be postponed ascriped to my other "mandatory trip".


We stayed over at Hotel La Salle. I'm a frequent guest at La Salle; unfortunately, its like an old horror movie where everyone would die before dawn. We booked using Travelocity.



I think their Ad campaign is tremendously wonderful. The cute and funny Gnome helping his customers dearly and all.

WRONG!

The Gnome did nothing to us. As a matter of fact, we had to wait in the lobby for his highness the gnome to find us a room. After 6 hrs of waiting, calling the 1800 24/7 number and not asking for much (only a fax to be sent to the Hotel), there were no results. Travelocity, in fact, did let us roam alone. The Gnome never fulfilled his gaurantee, nor did he save the day!

Sean, La Salle's General Manager, sympathized with our ordeal and decided to give us our rooms for free. (Kesarna Kha6ra).

There were no major highlights in our trip. All I can say is that I was power napping (somehow people do not relate to me when I do that and end up calling me Bangali for doing so). My friends decided on it and I ended up riding with them.

The Group:

RED (A big dude with a lot of heart, never imagined him being over protective).

Moe (Another big dude with a big heart). He was kidnapped. He went to grab food at 6 A.M. & two black dudes jumped him and thew him in a car. They took him to the ghetto & at gunpoint they threatened to kill him or get his money. His response? FUCK YOU, KILL ME. They were surprised so they started explaining that it is not in his best interest to die. His rebuttal: If I gave you all my money, I won't be able to grab my breakfast. So you guys better take me to "Krystal", there I'd order my food and you guys steal whatever is left. When asked why? He simply stated: If they were to kill me they would've at that place and time since there were no one around.

(Had I been one of them assholes I would have shot Moe with no remorse, but they did take him to krystal! Later on they ended up taking his money and leaving).
&
(Had it been me, the victim, I would've took no chances. Matter of fact, I would have peed my self and cried my eyes red.

The "shell shock": Moe enjoyed his time to the max. Yet, there remained a part of him that is still stunned within.

NAB (Our very own hustler, He is the only person I've seen who can actually get his money back from anyone - This includes, but not limited to: Other hustlers, Street Musicians, Restaurants (after finishing up his meal), Street bums & Beggers and The people who kidnapped Moe & stole his money).

Frank (Strangely he can manage getting away with paying less than the retail cost in franchises!)
Franks actually went to a franchise and checked the tag of something he actually liked. He then decided to give the clerk half of what it costs. She looked at him and said but sir its $30.00. With a smile he goes no, I'll take it for 15. Then he slipped a dollar in her front pocket as a tip & walked away!



Last but not least: ME! I've harrassed every Cincinnati Bengals Fan in the French Quarter on Sunday. Right after the game, which we (The New Orleans Saints) lost, I started seeing loads upon loads of happy Bengals fans on Bourban Street. So I started being the sour loser who shouts: YOU JUST GOT LUCKY!

The Place:

* French Quarter, New Orleans, LA
* Mainly Bourbon Street.
Bourbon

Things We Saw:

* A couple of black cops beating up a skinny white dude infront of his GF/Spouse with a baton.

* 60, if not 80, year old Prostitute. After asking me if I was interested in having a good time I started to advise her to do something for her after life. I explained how she is still "young & beautiful" (7adi ga3 achathib) and how she (urgently) needed to give God ATLEAST what's little left of her life. I wasn't pointing at any particular religion, I just think its time for her to retire o0 etoob or something!


* People getting naked on the streets. Some are drunk others are simply exibisionists.

* A syrian shawarma place in Bourban Street. When I went in and emphasized how much I liked his joint when I visited 3 years back.
Note: The people with me are first time visitors to that place.
The syrian false witness was like: EH 3ALA RASI. DAKIRKOM ANA. Wa hal yakhfa elqamar?

I looked back at my friends with a smile, They were hand signaling me to "amasheeha" or "shut up about it". Unfortunately, me being me, I started: Int laish na9ab? Shako tchatheb? gool ma tathkir or ma t3arefna a7salik ya3ni etc..

He started stuttering o0 beda esaweeli feha ina kan ga3ed ejamil. (after a brief arguement, I managed to get a free falafil sandwich out of it).

This may not seem much, but falafil costs around $10.00. (FREE STUFF = GOOD SHIT).

On Monday night we went to Emeril Lagasse's Restaurant, NOLA, where we had crepes and BAM! We started our "Homecoming" trip.

P.S. The following commercial, very much, relates to New Orleans:

Saturday, November 18, 2006

Movie Review - Casino Royale

So I just came back from the movies.

Offcoarse the process of planning took almost a week while the process of deciding & concurring on going there took around 3 days. As I always say, aham shy elneya, eltakh6ee6 wel technic. Sometimes buroodi 3ala burood elrabi3 ethakirni ib our lovely government.

ANYWAYS

The theatre just opened near by my place, around a 5 minute drive. The coincidence was that we managed on going there on Friday the 17th.

Casino Royale is now showing in a theatre near you (The new James Bond movie).

I wasn't excited at all. At first I lined everything:

An arrogant, cold, british prick fucking every woman he sees. Drives and flies a jet sky. Diving with a helicopter to the bottom of the sea (where he fucks a mermaid). Flying, flipping and racing in his Aston Martin/Jag. Killing everyone he sees with weird weapons while not getting any scars nor mess his hair do. Drinking martinis on mars (and managing to find a cute female martian whom he fucks). Finally managing to save her Highness & Earth.

WRONG..

Craig Daniel is the new Sean Connery, with the karate chops & the works (minus the baldness).

The movie was realistic (a movie's type of realistic), interesting, funny, sensible & entertaining. There was nothing out of the ordinary, nothing excessive & certainly nothing that humilates any normally functioning human brain. ALSO, The new Bond, Craig Daniel, isn't as gay as Brosnan either.

If you like Bond movies, you'll love Casino Royale. I didn't like any of the Bond movies since they started to get cheesy in the 80's, yet this one was much different.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

How to be ghetto.

Part of my rituals, when visiting Kuwait during summers in the past 4 years, was to leave on Fridays on a direct flight back to Newyork. Another part was to go on a last shopping spree during my last weekend in Kuwait. During my last visit, on a thursday, Sept. 8th 2005, I commited the fatal error of going to "Marina Mall."

I was surprised by the number of posers I've seen in one day.
Examples:

* A bunch of unexperienced "Porn Star" wannabes.


* A group of goth kids who happen to attend prestigious schools, living in a big house, getting a handsome allowance.


* A rock star show off who happens to have no knowledge in 6 strings.


* A couple of friends walking side by side one wearing a New York Yankees baseball cap while the other is wearing a Boston Red Socks (note: Boston is New York's arch enemy it's impossible to see that in the streets, except for in Kuwait).



* The original group of sk8er boiz, who never rode a skateboard, matter of fact the best they could do is a spin in the ice skating ring in Murgab.


* Last but not least & the ones whom I dislike with a passion are the ghetto wannabe kids.


I may have some background in goths, baseball, porn, rock and skating, but the most expertise I've got is in the ghetto. Since I used to live there (cheaper rent) for 2 years. Also since, no thanks to the Kuwaiti Embassy, I just got out of my "mandatory" field trip around 3 Jails in 3 different states here in the states within the period of a month (but lets not get into that just yet).

So let's try and make this short & sweet.

Q: Why do I dislike "ghetto wannabes" in Kuwait?
A: Amongst the many reasons I've got those are the major ones.
1. They've got no crack hoe cousins.
2. They didn't live no hard life on the streets.
3. They're not "keeping it real".
4. They're not a minority.
5. They're not living a life of "crime & sorrow".
6. They carry no "gats".
7. They have major difficulties trying to imitate.

This is where I come in. Help those "lost" kids correctly imitate. After all, whatever you want to do (whether its right or wrong), do it correctly.

Note to young gangster wannabes: You seriously need a role model.

First of all, to be a true ghetto fab, you need to establish a name.
Usually referred to as "GNS."
Your name, among many reasons, may support your cause, location or likes depending on how shallow you are.

Examples of Male Ghetto Names:

1. Junebug.
2. Thug (your name here). e.g. Thug Thamer
3. Youngster (if you're "young" DUH).
4. Smiley.
5. Mean (your name here). e.g. Mean Mo6lag
6. Mr. (your location). e.g. Mr. 3arthiya
7. Lamanjala (if you are a fan of Lemon Jello).
8. Bigg (something). e.g. Bigg Bo 3ali
9. Lil something. e.g. Lil Lo2ay
10. Whitey. (Since most influenced Kuwaiti "thugs" are white, Oreo would work too).

Another method is adding any of those to your 1st initial: -izzle, -azzle, izzy, - with Dub, Masta - and - angster.

Examples of Female Ghetto Names:

This is easy, simply add -iqua to your name.
e.g. Your name may be: Sibeecha, Shag7a or Dalal = Sibeechiqua, Shag7iqua or Dalaliqua.

Note: always add an AKA to your name. e.g. AKA Bidoon 7idood, AKA Fakhfakheena

After establishing a name, part of being a notorious character, try to set up a gang.

Forming a Gang

Usually a gang consists of 5 highschool kids, all white, with one "Palestinian Rapper" (MC Zaytoon)

and a black "godfather" from Thanaweyat Kaifan, a 24 y/o dude whose in it for the money. They usually idolize Marzoog due to the sole fact of him being "black".

When setting up a gang, naming is an important aspect that should never be neglected.
The best way to name your gang is after the street or area you grew up in or hang around. E.g. Bin Khaldoon's Masses, F7ai7eel's Folks, Kaifan Kings, Hawalli's Haterz.

Subsequent to the establishment of your nicknames & location, we goto the "Gears".

Ghetto Style
Every OG needs a Gear. Thug Fashion consists of a number of basic items:


1. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXL T-shirt.

2. A pair of Tommy Hilfiger Baggy pants.

3. Fake platinum watch.

4. Gold Teeth.

5. A Pair of Air Jordan's, or Timber's.


6. A Hat of the team you represent do not bend visor, simply flat (also never take the tags off).

7. An iced out ridiculous looking pendant.


Always make sure that you sag your "baggy pants" half way down your waist.


After making sure that your clothes are legit, work on the development of your vocabulary

Ghetto Vocab:

1. Add an S or Z to any thing you got to say:
e.g. I got to go = I GOTSA GOES

2. Always swear, use a swear word as a comma if you will.
e.g. I went to my "homie" to borrow some "doe", unfortunately he didn't have any. = I (fucking) went to my (motherfucking) "homie" to gets me some (motherfucking) "doe", that (motherfucker) aint gots (shit).

3. When you need to label something, use the 1st word + izzle.
e.g. I went to the store to buy some cigarettes = I went to the sizzle to gets me some cizzle.

4. Words that need to be replaced:
Shoes = kicks
there = thurrrr
pair = purrrr
tattoo = ink
am = iz e.g. ( I am what I am = I iz what I iz)
two = duece
chow = groceries/food
9aida/easy catch = duck/afflack
reputation = jacket
snitch = rat
I got no problem = I aint trippin
drugs = dope
crystal meth = ice
diamonds = ice
conflict = beef
son of a bitch = sunumabitch
bitch = biatch
I agree = word


By now you have an over view of how to speak and look ghetto. Let me move on to my commencement pointers.

Commencement:

Things you need to do:
1. It's not ghetto to listen to Rap/Hiphop when you're in your mom's minivan while "riding" with your driver.
2. Eat as much fried chicken as you could, drink as much grape juice as you could.


3. Make sure both your pressure & cholestrol level are off the roof.
4. Always walk around with your "gat" (and no a 3ajra doesn't count as a "gat")

5. Do as much drugs as you can. Remmember you're not ghetto if you don't have atleast 3 friends whom have already ODed.

6. Make sure you spend sometime in the big house.

7. Always smoke menthols.

8. Spit, swear, burp & fart in public.
9. Always be as loud as you can be. Also when in public try to shout out yay yay, or bark few times.
10. As much as you can try and grab your crotch, incase you lost your dick somewhere in those baggy pants, better yet to check and see if you got one in the first place.


Now you're set to be a ghetto/gangster. Establish a gang, look for other gangs. Kill each other. If you all don't die in a drive by, try your very best to OD on drugs. If you can't reach these goals, make sure you do something stupid and end up being locked up in jail for a long time where you'd be somebody's (bitch).

Plans

I've been writing journals since I was a kid, keeping updates and criticizing things.
Now that I've decided to go public, I already got as much as 30+ stacked up on my drafts.
Many, if not all, needs much editing. Some I don't even like.
Right now I am thinking, which should I post?

A how to, to pretentious Kuwaiti kids who think they're ghetto.

or,

Today's pop culture. (music by nikkid chicks on TV).

As soon as I decide on something I will post as promptly as possible.

Monday, November 13, 2006

ALF

So I was watching T.V. earlier today.
I do not usually watch the tele, but flip channels.
I ended up going back in time in some spontaneous way & all there was on were a bunch of old sitcoms & shows.
Macguyver, smurfs, fresh prince of bel air, urkel, full house, who's the boss, family matters.
Somehow it hit me.

ALF!
How come there are no reruns?

Where the fuck did Alf go? Whatever happened to the garfield wanna be alien?
I liked Alf when I was 6. Which means I vaguely remember anything of it, and yes, I certainly wasn't a wise decision maker back then.
Yet, I still wanna see some of ALF & his so-called wacky behavior.

They say the guy who did the ALF voice over ended up being an alchie or something.

I shall look that over after reading about: garlics, globalization, Eric the Red, Jim Davis, Nintendo DS top games & Urkel of Family Matters.

I am rather random sometimes, but I'm smooth like that.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Embassy of Kuwait

Recently, a month back, I've been going through a major obstacle in my academic life.

Being a foreign student in the United States, I seeked refuge via various means.

At first I tried Friends and Student Union (ya36ehom el3afya), on my behalf they contacted the Embassy of Kuwait in the United States. Which from now on I will freely call The Embarrassment of Kuwait in the United States.

They answered calls for 3 days, then they quit receiving any. They provided no help what so ever.

One of the characters that I shall work hard to sully his name is: Mr. Nabeel Al Dakheel, 1st Secretary of the embassy.

Instead of fullfilling his position: (Which I think part of it is to manage and assure the well being & safety of "Kuwaiti" citizens in the states) Correct me if I was wrong. He, on the other hand, managed to make me feel worse by not giving a shit, also without knowing the nature of my problem claimed it was my mistake & that i should deal with it. (6b 7alil ma3ashik!!).

I shalln't go any further in details. In the mean while I shall simply enjoy my time & try to re-collect my thoughts for a much bigger story with proof & evidence of the inefficiency of: The Embarrassment of Kuwait in the United States.

Movie Review.

I just done watching: Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan.



This movie is racist, controversial, suggestive & offensive. My kind of movie.

I really approve of it. Try to watch the uncut version it is better.

Why I like it? Because this dude has no graciousness, NEVER gives a break to any of his duck/afflack participators. BTW, duck or afflack is a prison term for stupid, easy catch or "9aida". Basically he'd pushes people to the edge and see what happens.

I, by far, consider it one of the top 10 comedys I EVER watched. "great success".

Friday, November 10, 2006

Back in business.

After going on a month vacation, I'm finally back.
still trying to gather more information to post my next blog.

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