How to be ghetto.

Part of my rituals, when visiting Kuwait during summers in the past 4 years, was to leave on Fridays on a direct flight back to Newyork. Another part was to go on a last shopping spree during my last weekend in Kuwait. During my last visit, on a thursday, Sept. 8th 2005, I commited the fatal error of going to "Marina Mall."

I was surprised by the number of posers I've seen in one day.
Examples:

* A bunch of unexperienced "Porn Star" wannabes.


* A group of goth kids who happen to attend prestigious schools, living in a big house, getting a handsome allowance.


* A rock star show off who happens to have no knowledge in 6 strings.


* A couple of friends walking side by side one wearing a New York Yankees baseball cap while the other is wearing a Boston Red Socks (note: Boston is New York's arch enemy it's impossible to see that in the streets, except for in Kuwait).



* The original group of sk8er boiz, who never rode a skateboard, matter of fact the best they could do is a spin in the ice skating ring in Murgab.


* Last but not least & the ones whom I dislike with a passion are the ghetto wannabe kids.


I may have some background in goths, baseball, porn, rock and skating, but the most expertise I've got is in the ghetto. Since I used to live there (cheaper rent) for 2 years. Also since, no thanks to the Kuwaiti Embassy, I just got out of my "mandatory" field trip around 3 Jails in 3 different states here in the states within the period of a month (but lets not get into that just yet).

So let's try and make this short & sweet.

Q: Why do I dislike "ghetto wannabes" in Kuwait?
A: Amongst the many reasons I've got those are the major ones.
1. They've got no crack hoe cousins.
2. They didn't live no hard life on the streets.
3. They're not "keeping it real".
4. They're not a minority.
5. They're not living a life of "crime & sorrow".
6. They carry no "gats".
7. They have major difficulties trying to imitate.

This is where I come in. Help those "lost" kids correctly imitate. After all, whatever you want to do (whether its right or wrong), do it correctly.

Note to young gangster wannabes: You seriously need a role model.

First of all, to be a true ghetto fab, you need to establish a name.
Usually referred to as "GNS."
Your name, among many reasons, may support your cause, location or likes depending on how shallow you are.

Examples of Male Ghetto Names:

1. Junebug.
2. Thug (your name here). e.g. Thug Thamer
3. Youngster (if you're "young" DUH).
4. Smiley.
5. Mean (your name here). e.g. Mean Mo6lag
6. Mr. (your location). e.g. Mr. 3arthiya
7. Lamanjala (if you are a fan of Lemon Jello).
8. Bigg (something). e.g. Bigg Bo 3ali
9. Lil something. e.g. Lil Lo2ay
10. Whitey. (Since most influenced Kuwaiti "thugs" are white, Oreo would work too).

Another method is adding any of those to your 1st initial: -izzle, -azzle, izzy, - with Dub, Masta - and - angster.

Examples of Female Ghetto Names:

This is easy, simply add -iqua to your name.
e.g. Your name may be: Sibeecha, Shag7a or Dalal = Sibeechiqua, Shag7iqua or Dalaliqua.

Note: always add an AKA to your name. e.g. AKA Bidoon 7idood, AKA Fakhfakheena

After establishing a name, part of being a notorious character, try to set up a gang.

Forming a Gang

Usually a gang consists of 5 highschool kids, all white, with one "Palestinian Rapper" (MC Zaytoon)

and a black "godfather" from Thanaweyat Kaifan, a 24 y/o dude whose in it for the money. They usually idolize Marzoog due to the sole fact of him being "black".

When setting up a gang, naming is an important aspect that should never be neglected.
The best way to name your gang is after the street or area you grew up in or hang around. E.g. Bin Khaldoon's Masses, F7ai7eel's Folks, Kaifan Kings, Hawalli's Haterz.

Subsequent to the establishment of your nicknames & location, we goto the "Gears".

Ghetto Style
Every OG needs a Gear. Thug Fashion consists of a number of basic items:

1. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXL T-shirt.

2. A pair of Tommy Hilfiger Baggy pants.

3. Fake platinum watch.

4. Gold Teeth.

5. A Pair of Air Jordan's, or Timber's.


6. A Hat of the team you represent do not bend visor, simply flat (also never take the tags off).

7. An iced out ridiculous looking pendant.


Always make sure that you sag your "baggy pants" half way down your waist.


After making sure that your clothes are legit, work on the development of your vocabulary

Ghetto Vocab:

1. Add an S or Z to any thing you got to say:
e.g. I got to go = I GOTSA GOES

2. Always swear, use a swear word as a comma if you will.
e.g. I went to my "homie" to borrow some "doe", unfortunately he didn't have any. = I (fucking) went to my (motherfucking) "homie" to gets me some (motherfucking) "doe", that (motherfucker) aint gots (shit).

3. When you need to label something, use the 1st word + izzle.
e.g. I went to the store to buy some cigarettes = I went to the sizzle to gets me some cizzle.

4. Words that need to be replaced:
Shoes = kicks
there = thurrrr
pair = purrrr
tattoo = ink
am = iz e.g. ( I am what I am = I iz what I iz)
two = duece
chow = groceries/food
9aida/easy catch = duck/afflack
reputation = jacket
snitch = rat
I got no problem = I aint trippin
drugs = dope
crystal meth = ice
diamonds = ice
conflict = beef
son of a bitch = sunumabitch
bitch = biatch
I agree = word

By now you have an over view of how to speak and look ghetto. Let me move on to my commencement pointers.

Commencement:

Things you need to do:
1. It's not ghetto to listen to Rap/Hiphop when you're in your mom's minivan while "riding" with your driver.
2. Eat as much fried chicken as you could, drink as much grape juice as you could.


3. Make sure both your pressure & cholestrol level are off the roof.
4. Always walk around with your "gat" (and no a 3ajra doesn't count as a "gat")

5. Do as much drugs as you can. Remmember you're not ghetto if you don't have atleast 3 friends whom have already ODed.

6. Make sure you spend sometime in the big house.

7. Always smoke menthols.

8. Spit, swear, burp & fart in public.
9. Always be as loud as you can be. Also when in public try to shout out yay yay, or bark few times.
10. As much as you can try and grab your crotch, incase you lost your dick somewhere in those baggy pants, better yet to check and see if you got one in the first place.


Now you're set to be a ghetto/gangster. Establish a gang, look for other gangs. Kill each other. If you all don't die in a drive by, try your very best to OD on drugs. If you can't reach these goals, make sure you do something stupid and end up being locked up in jail for a long time where you'd be somebody's (bitch).