I'm Bringing Sexy Back

I put two and two together.

I came to the decision that I do not mind censorship.

I am, however, against speaker's prosecution.

Pro assassination though.

So long it is quick and creates a cult status that turns you into a famous public figure.

If not, then you have been only wasting your time.

So I just whipped this post fresh!

My usual daily life is based upon the following:

It is definitely one or the other.

It is either I definitely should not play with matches, or definitely should.

I kind of base these decision upon the situation.

And yes, sometimes two wrongs make a right!

Even though I really cannot imagine me being wrong.

Like almost NEVER!

So that's what's up.

When talking to a lady, whatever you do, NEVER let them start complaining to you.

Let your main objective in life be to dodge complaints.

Avoid bitching, grousing, grumbling, and whining.

I do not mind listening so long you are not complaining.

I would much rather be called an ignorant, heartless, insensitive asshole any day of the week.

This actually has a story behind it.

Everything does.

So here is my story:

I, being the kind hearted, warm, and wise person I am, always maintain good grounds with people.

Whether at work or anywhere else, I am always the person to rely on.

Of coarse that was before I became your personal whining department.

I am too shallow.

I consider it rape to shove the unwanted ugly image of your face up my eyes.

I also believe that the insertion of unwanted words up my ears is rape too.

Believe you me.

I did not snap out of jolly easy.

Being the solid person I am, I resisted and stood strong against all odds.

Until.

There is always an until in my stories.

But it is pretty.. Bitching..

I sit there, chilling.

Watching TV.

Minding my own business.

Perhaps drinking coffee (I have been drinking shit load of that my right eye has been twitching since yesterday)

And then your gloomy ass barges into my life using whatever source of communication I am available at.

It usually starts with a Hi and three dots…

Again, I am very considerate, I actually say hi back!

Let the Misery Begin:

(YOU) :(

(ME) Wha?

(YOU) Nothing.

(ME) Ok.

(YOU) :(

(ME) OK!

(YOU) Can we talk?

(ME) Busy..

(YOU) When you are not, tell me..

(ME) OK!

4 Hours later

(YOU) Still Busy..

(ME) YES!

(YOU) :(

Again, I try not being the asshole, so I conduct the socially accepted manner..

(ME) FINE TELL ME!

And this is where I slip, some would tell you, it sucks knowing to begin with.

Others hear this in their tiny brains!

LET THE DRAMA BEGIN!

"You know when you are walking on an empty road in the middle of the dessert and then you see a rose while you skip to the oasis up the sand meadows? And then That truck gets hit by a tourist bus?"

And you try to figure out that analogy.

NO I DO NOT! What are you queer?

"No, It is like you swimming against the current then your body explodes and the cockroach inside of you overcome. You are no more. You are only a huge cockroach that eats with in! Then you find out you are not swimming, you are not a cockroach. you are actually a rock floating on the breeze down in the Dagobah System!"

And I say:

I will let the fact that you are a huge cockroach slide, but there is no fucking breeze in the Dagobah System. You float because there no gravity. You must be very very stupid. Which brings me to this.

What? are you queer?

And what sucks is it is usually via technology!

So there is no shirt to try and look down to.

Apparently, she was not queer. Apparently, she was just annoying. Apparently I did not give a fuck!

Matter of fact, If she was even half as pretty..

Sure, Love is a wondrous thing, and there is more to it than the physical experience like.. OH HELL you need a big lo set of tittes!

So she goes you do not care do you?

I say girl, I am first degree confused and 3rd degree "don't give a shit"

Or, at least I give her that impression..

So she gets angry..

Now the damsel feels dismal, and finally she knows where to point her finger.

Poor little me.

So I go: EFLANA! YOU EITHER SAY WHAT WHERE WHY WHEN AND HOW! Like we learned how to tell a story in plain words! Or else I will ignore you for 48 hours.

(I always prosecute people instantaneously upon the degree of annoyance I feel).

Except I am very lean with my punishments, AGAIN, the kindness of my heart and whatnot.

Ok, you want to know: I AM GOING TO GET MARRIED! BUT I DO NOT LIKE THE GUY!

And I say: Well fuck me standing and call me daddy!

Girls would kill to be in your position considering the many malfunctions you proudly and surely possess.

Then you bitch for an hour about it too!

What hurts the most are all those weird things!

Things that should make you happy!

I mean after six hours of weird analogies I find out they actually meant things like:

- I WON A MILLION K.D. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO!

(boohoo)

- I JUST GRADUATED WITH A BACHELORS, I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO!

(chill)

- SOME GUY THINKS IM PRETTY!

(kiss your hand belly and back)

Or a classic like: SOMEONE STOLE My MOJO!

I will tell you this much son: For your mojo to be stolen, you need one to begin with!

Psycho Witch...

Someone is losing their mind.

I already lost mine, I am looking at you big girl.

Chicken face was on bone row. Love is a basketball in chain. And that is what freed the fish people! Give it time! I am the reason of the season. The only time there is, is party time, because time is only an illusion. AND I AM HERE FOR PLEASIN.

YOU GOT TO HAVE MIND CONTROL.

I'm just kidding, I just think I am an asshole for asking! I think I should kill myself in about: smear-yourself-in-garbage-and-lock-yourself-in-a-cold-dark-room years!

Or maybe I should just wait and let Tulip Sniper do the job..