Salman & I spent all of last year without cable, dish or anything.
Apart from spending hours infront of our computers we basically watched one show.
The BEST SHOW ON TV.
Here's an ATHF promo.
BTW Salman, incase i forget, youtube 22nd of october, Season's premiere of ATHF. I bet you'll find the whole episode there.
#1 in da hood G.
I rarely do any chocolate.
At most 20 chocolate products a year. A mix of: Flake, m&m's & kitkat.
Not a big fan of snickers, yet I am fond of this commercial.
Parents nowadays are weak. Weak parents produce weak children building a weak society.
Kids on the other side are like clay, they can easily be molded into whatever you want them to be.
Instead of raising them to be a good for nothing spoiled nimrods, there are other ways to raise them to be assets to society and their country.
My good friend, a Children's Psychologist, was against my methods.
I seriously respect her opinion.
After a quick lesson in her methods & a quick research, I think it is only fair to show the clinical approved methods of punishing your children.
In this article we will go through the APA style of Punishing children, then there is always the good ol ass whipping.
In my humble opinion, i think the old fashioned way is the best way. Raising a nation of righteous people, I mean before making a decision everyone asks theirselves "WWDD" or "WWMD", What Would Dad Do or What Would Mom Do. You maybe more familiar with WWJD but what if you're of a non christian faith?
a slap on the wrist isn't always the best way to conduct disciplinary action.
So here goes:
From the one-sided, bias, psychologist's point of view:
1) Time-out (ya3ni basically let them go to their rooms where they might have TV, PC, Satellite & Playstation - I for one wouldnt mind being in time-out.
2) 7erman men e6al3a. (wetha kan em3aqad o0 ma ye6la3 a9lan?)
3) Take away something they love. (So? they would find another things they love, perhaps create a new hobby)
4) Ta7rim`hom men doing something. (I will not even waste a minute commenting on that)
There are other disciplinary actions that were also mentioned such as:
Positive Reinforcement: Which basically means giving them or praising them for doing something they were SUPPOSED TO DO. (ma3tiqid ina testahil elmad7 7g shy int elmafroth tsawe asasan.) A LOAD OF BULL CRAP.
***
The Old Fashioned Way: (my way)
Knowing that i am always right and you are always wrong if you do not agree with yours truely. I shall "enlighten" with the correct ways of raising children. I believe that children are little people. They are just like you and I. The fact that they're little means that the world is basically big. So they work with what they got. In real world situations there are basically two types of crime, Jon7a & Jon7a. Jon7a being misdemeanor and Jinaya, you got it, felony.
Now I am not here to tell you what should be labelled as what. You, the parent, being a "master of your own domain" get to judge and prosecute them the right way you see it.
I shall now show you a pictorial how to conduct a discpilinary action (The Right Way)
NOTE TO READERS:
Offcoarse we are all familiar with the 6rag AKA: Kaf, Rashdi, s6ar, ma7moodi, 2alam & emkhamas.
This method can usually be used both ways depending on the strength of the thrust and the power of the hand.
We needn't pictures for it since we are all familiar with it. "kel e6rag ib ta3loma." ANON
1st we will start with misdemeanors:
***
Qawanin wa lawa2i7 al Jon7at
The Newspaper Technique
You are awake early in the morning, malik khulg shy, & your little brat bastard is acting up. A slap with a newspaper on the back of the head would do just fine as a reminder of whose boss. You'll Be needing a Newspaper offcoarse (cost: 100 fils/ 25 cent).
A copy of the Wall Street Journal (or any other newspaper if WSJ wasnt available).
Note that the "lafa" of the jareeda should be tight so the hit would be hard enough.
The Wire Method
Any wire would do, it is easy & all you need is a wire and a good swinging arm.
The good news is you can use dif. types of wire depending on the occassion. This would range from a simple type of phone wire to a thick garden hose.
The Hanger Process
Never underestimate cloth's hangers. It may be slim & free from the laundry but there are many progressive uses for it (next to manufacturing a naba6a).
Yard Sticks/Khayzarana
"al3a9a leman 3a9a." ANON
Proven clinically to be effective, thin and has a timer on when to stop. Swing it on the back of your victim (child) until it breaks (That's when you need to stop).
***
This concludes misdemeanors.
Now that we've went over the necessary methods to discipline misdemeanors, we shall move to Felonies
***
Qawanin wa lawa2i7 al-Jenayat
The 3gal Maneuver
This is basically conducted by men.
If you were in a hurry and have no time to be creative just take off your old mir3iz and straighten up the shit out of your bastard.
Note: Never take off your 3gal without using it. This is degrading to all of us.
Note the correct way of holding your 3gal.
The Belt Technique
The belt is frequently used when 3gal isn't available.
You need to clap it once or twice as a "war cry" if you will..
There are basically 2 ways of holding a belt, My way or the wrong way.
The wrong way is merely holding it as displayed below:
My way involves wrapping your belt around your hands for a firmer grip and more stability.
Note how the belt is wrapped around the hand.
Le Finger in Le Belly
Easy, quick & definately effective. a good "zag6a" bil ba6in will do the job.
Your kid may suffer a minor difficulty in breathing but don't let this intimidate you. It usually doesn't kill him/her.
The fruit & sock system
This involves some minor engineering.
You'll be needing: any fruit & a sock. (preferably tube socks).
This is very effective when you do not want bruises to appear on your subject's body.
Process:
1) put the fruit in the sock.
2) Grip your sock tightly from the elastic part.
9eekh's Routine
This is good. It works for poking, spanking & branding. you can use 1, 2 or all your dozen.
***
Commencement
By now you should be familiar with the many ways of disciplining you children. So parents please: Do so. Raise your children the right way. Show them whose boss. Teach them how to act in an orderly fashion and how to respect your authority. Lets work together to build a better structured society. Do it for a better Kuwait. Do it for a better Earth.
P.s.
*Many thanks for the contributions of Fawaz.
*Many many thanks for the contributions & modeling of our indispensable Big Mean Moe.
(Thanks for making all of this possible)
A rich country like my beloved Kuwait tend to shock me sometimes.
We got the capability of being all we can be and then some.
but its like we're a nation of under achievers!
So here are some of my Why Questions I got in mind:
Why are we only depending on Oil & Petrochemicals for our own economic well being? (1st thing we studied in business school is the need to diversify our business then expand it.)
Why don't we tax foreigners? (mo 3azema esalfa - kafi nu9 flos`hom edizonha 7ag: 6an6 nabaweya 3ashan edawa, or school education for Raju in bumfuck Calcutta.)
Why is it that our hospitals so sucky? (elwa7id gam yeshtehe elmarath akthar men li3laj.)
Why is our educational system going down the drain? (e3yalna yetkharijon bugar.)
Why are our Professors trying to score pussy for an A? (Trying to fuck ur student is immoral + you horny bastard, u got a PhD and you can't find your way through women? + I seen people do that here in the U.S. they are called CRACK WHORES.)
Why do they serve alchohol in some restaurants and hotels? (it's either legal or not - make up your minds.)
Why are the driving laws disregarded? (people don't respect it anymore because cops aren't doing their jobs correctly - Also, eshari3 mota ma 9ar esma morahiq mistahtir you, who drives crazy, can do whatever you fucking want.)
Why does culture have so much influence on religion while it's supposed to be the other way round? (e.g. Why is it: if a guy fucks a girl or a girl fucks a guy (whichever way you want) the guy is a: stallion, fa7al, stud & RAYAL. and the girls ends up being: loose, bitch, hoe?) from where I see it, they both did wrong or right and they both -or all 3 of them- should be credited equally for what they done.
Why does everyone know that someone is upto no good & stealing something and no one says anything about it.
Why can't we just all get along? (shee3i & sini - ebdewi & e7thuri - mulla & sayed - liberals & islamic fundamentalists - Tom & Jerry etc.. Why not for once "God forbid" we do something crazy, such as focusing on the big picture.. THE WELL BEING OF OUR FUCKED UP SOCIETY, for a better Kuwait ya3ni..)
Why did countries like: Japan & Germany & China rise after being in debt and a fookin catostrophic state within no more than 10 years while Kuwait a rich country with people zy elward are chillin at starbucks staring at each other.
Why is there no Kuwaiti doing hard labor jobs? Are we that much better than the rest of the whole world? (while we're at it, since when did we consider other nationalities as a "subculture?" That did happen in Nazi Germany and look what happened to it.)
In conclusion, I am not here to solve problems; nor am I here to motivate the people. The people suck & are a bunch of dispicable pussies for shutting their pie holes about it. I am here to share an idea, which i humbly think is in the minds of many other than I.
P.S. Those are questions that I, on the behalf of many, ask. When I say we I don't mean you, all or myself in particular. I'm merely generalizing the current public mood of many of our beloved citizens. Also, I am not interested in the: We are not all like that or I am not like that speech. I know not all are like that, but many others are.
Hello, my name is Nasser and I'm an addict.
Everyone has their own little addiction.
Some like heroin others like fire. HELL, I used to know a someone who was crazy about chewing plastic.
So here are some of my addictions (not in any particular order):
After a busy FRIDAY night of:
drinking tea
studying types of tea (silver needle is the BEST)
smoking 2 packs of cigs
online shopping
watching 6ash ma 6ash (2 monkeys can do a better job writing a script)
hanging out with friends
cooking (ma7shi & machbos)
reading senseless, mindless, loser and definitely sad comments and thoughts of Kuwaiti liberals and Arab atheists.
I decided to look for a job online (to save me the time and energy of actually going to those assholes).
I ran into job offerings on www.bayt.com
Reader (ee reader wa7ed wekhub 3alay).
this shit is so funny! i actually think they need me (even though I haven't graduated and I got no expertise).
I shall now quote some job opening descriptions in few fields in marketing in Kuwait:
Advertising:
Kuwait Recruitment Bureau
On behalf od is that a typo? our clients we are seeking advertising copywriters to work in a creative partnership with an art director to conceive, develop and produce effective advertisements.
he what if it was a lady applying for the job? Is it me or is it just a wee bit sexist? will provide the verbal or written aspect. This involves writing \'copy\', ie Internet Explorer? (google ie) coming up with original catchphrases, slogans, messages and straplines. So like, are we hiring the office's comic relief? or a super hero of some sort?
Job Category: Advertising
Job Location: Kuwait
Required Skills: Looking of for what? English Origin with English as the first language
Smart and proactive person Funny, I thought you were born of English origin, never thought it was a skill. BTW SHITFACE if "HE" was English I wouldn't worry about "HIS" fluency in ENGLISH.
Creative
Career Level: Mid Career (Over 2 years experience)
Employment Status: Full time
Marketing:
Kuwait Recruitment bureau
Job Description
We invite candidates to apply for a marketing executive position who will be promoting a new equipment for advertising. The ideal candidate should have 2 to 3 years of marketing experience
Job Category: Marketing
Job Location: Kuwait
Required Skills: Computer skills
ambitious
Interaction Skills
Communication Skills
Self motivated
Career Level: Mid Career (Over 2 years experience)
Employment Status: Full time
Starting Date: July 2006
Preferred Nationality: Australia; Canada; Great Britain (UK); Lebanon; United Kingdom; United States fe Kuwaiti? Madre daf3een da3m el3amala mn jaibkom! + ITS UNETHICAL to base your search criteria on nationality!
***
Al Homaizi Group
Job Description
1. Communicate effectively with customers
2. Facilitate and co-ordinate various customer service activities within the Call center
3. Participation, preparation of customer satisfaction programs
4. Maintain database of all activities as required and participate in the reporting system
5. Plan and use time effectively
Job Category: Business Support; Catering/Food Services/Restaurants; Customer Service; Hospitality/Tourism does this include happy endings?; Management; Marketing; Personal Care and Service I can use some personal care and service; Public Relations; Support Services; Telemarketing
Job Location: Kuwait
Required Skills: Language Bilingual Arabic & English.
Experience 2 to 3 years
- Pleasant personality with flair to customer service.
- Well organized, familiar with office work.
- Good computer knowledge.
- Good communication and interpersonal skills.
Career Level: Mid Career (Over 2 years experience)
Employment Status: Full time
Starting Date: November 2006
Preferred Gender: Female I sense a horny and/or sexist manager
Education: Minimum High School Graduate, Diploma is a credit
***
Company Name Confidential
Job Category: Marketing
Job Location: Kuwait
Required Skills: -- University graduate with computer knowledge
-- Should have Kuwaiti driving license NEWS FLASH: Owning a driver's license is a skill!
Career Level: Mid Career (Over 2 years experience)
Employment Status: Full time
Preferred Gender: Male
Education: university graduate
***
Ok fee more much more just goto Bayt.com I mean i was there for 10 minutes checking offers for kuwait market in marketing related shit in Kuwait, and that was not half of what i found. Imagine the other possibilities.
I may be illiterate but if it was a professional job I wouldn't mind wasting an extra minute of my precious & busy life trying to spell check, proof read or atleast THINK!
TBC...
ok,
this story takes place over the period of 3 weeks
to be more practical
the last 3 weeks.
i usually finish my class at 12 and or have a break at 12. where i get to goto my ELS (english learning school) friends where THEY got a break.
probably have lunch or something.
then i saw him.
naif goes i want u to meet el baqari (the cow) i go who what? he goes mohammed a new kid he looks like a cow really (as shown on the left).
baqari came to me asking. can u help open a bank account for me plz.
its hard to say no. a kid with no english background in a new country away from family probably needed some minor assistance as we all did when we 1st came here.
so i took him to the bank, did the impossible to open a bank account without the right paper work and all.. good thing i had the ability of speaking and socializing really or else they wouldnt have ever accepted his work.. but an account was opened. i rem asking him do u want ur permanent visa to get to ur home addresss? he goes what do i know im still new pls let it be through UR home address.. and i felt hesitated but let it slide.
as usual new accounts require an atm card the bank cant provide the permanent until a week. so he got it and used it for 2 days until he saw the bank account fucking up where he went to every bastard in society telling them i stole his money coz the atm was just broken or somethin.. i took him to the bank to prove to him i haven't stole 200 .. why would i? why should i?
time goes by... a week to be more precise.
son of a bitch goes.. wheres my visa.. take me to the bank .. so he goes to the bank without his other friends without me knowing.. walking and asks for the visa they say we sent it a week back. that day ... (i got it) the visa.. and gave him a call i was like u got ur visa atm card dude he be like thnx.
when i went back to the car..
naif followed me.
goes u know? he cancelled his visa..
i go no WAY! why?
he sez he thought u'd steal him!
in the end ull meet people that suck ass.
i called him
WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING ABOUT U CANCELLING UR ATM U UNGREATFUL BASTARD?
he goes nasser u know.. its like u know.. i was afraid u see.. and u ..
and im like listen i swear im just trying to hold my self from not turning back to ur house and kicking ur ass bad.
he goes walla nasser u never know u know.. its hard to trust
i hung up.
he keeps apologizing ...
but i shalln't forgive..
it pissed me off how u try only to help and ur misjudged but this thing shall not stand. this agrression shalln't stand.
alrighty thats the end of el baqari.
fuckin asshole
IM OUTTY!
I love Kuwait more than average.
I think its somehow fair to explain my self.
So, why this title?
cause if ur a citizen u are set for life.
So far where is the difficulty in living there? My favorite place on earth is a soft-hearted place.
You know you'll end up with a job.
So far no taxes in progress.
You won't spontaneously disappear when you say something bad about someone. (moderate freedom of speech)
It is "democratic" ... in our own way.
All in all kuwait was never a hard place to live in.
No homeless people.
no bad catostrophes (on regular basis)
The country is rich goddammit u can get paid.
your so called "was6a" shall always work.
and if you even want more money you can always kiss ass here and there.
Run for Majlis el Oma elections and steal you few millions from "elmal el3am".
The people will forgive you, either that or they're a bunch of stupid cowards.
which in both ways deserve to be ganked.
and yes i am questioning the integrity of the government and the parliament.
Not all, but around 90% which is more than enough asshole!
back to the title.
basic math
Kuwait is an easy place to live in
Easiness never made men.
Thus Kuwait is for Pussies.
& by god I love it and its people.
P.S. I Got the: "I 'heart' Q8" pic from a talented artist & a user of flickr, I don't know her personally but it really related to my website. There were some restrictions but i got my ways. Unfortunately, Flickr Terms of Service specify that if you post a Flickr photo on an external website, the photo must link back to its photo page. Now I'm not exactly your typical html geek so I have no idea how to do stuff. But this pic was took from "SŤя@ώВёяяỴ" ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Plz don't sue me!
