February, The Month of Soap!
Foam party.
Foam party.
I hate when a person considers eye contact a permit to talk.
I love it when a guy develops a way to look at people.
I do not make the rules.
I found out that there are some people who protested the idea of Harry Potter!
That wizards and magic shouldn't be pop!
I agree.
I think all magicians should be banished.
Including the ones who pull rabbits out of hats.
You say coin behind my ears, I say punch your face!
I never liked the Harry Potter series.
The only two characters I liked were:
Hermione Granger
(after puberty of coarse - She sure mesmerized me. Charmed me. All that crappy magic annotations about her being pretty and whatnot. I love how they grow up so fast. And she aged well too.. (khalfala 3alaina teshawahna ba3d el morahaqa))
I even switched from Aves to 360 to look at her Burberry poster.
I reckon that 13 years is a fair gap.
If I was rich, or younger than. HAHAHHAHAHAHA
and
Hagrid!
(I love how they openly portray a wizard pedophile within the whole series so casually! Everyone knows but no one speaks of it. Just like how everyone knows that Kanye West is gay and no one wants to admit it! And do not try to defend that guy because even without his beard he looks like he likes 8 year olds!)
Then I tried to defend Harry Potter. I said, it could have been worse!
(And I am not trying to be stereotypical, BUT...)
I imagined The Omani Harry Potter. (7arris S. Mu6ar - S. Stands for S3eed since all Omanis are S3eed - so yeah S3eed is his middle name)..
The type of magician who doesn't need a Magic Wand.
The type with goat feet and blood red eyes.
The type who'd separate husband from wife.
The type only needs: Bukhor Yawi, deer's blood, an ignorant rat's tail, piece of T shirt ,and a 4 by 6 (khalfiya zarga) to party.
The Voodoo type.
Now that is one movie I would watch over and over and over and over.
Deep in Salala, where houses are built overnight and sa3af is the main means of transportation.
I like how people portray Salala as a Black Magic's Disney Land!
I've never been there but I think it is a pretty place from what I see on TV.
Though I do not believe media, I hardly believe the hype about people flying warlocks.
Some guy even described me a creature that lurks in Salala after 1.
He was trying to explain why people do not leave their houses late at night.
As the picture became vivid it appeared that he was describing a dragon!
I asked him TININ!?
Ya enik ghabee o 3abalik betgazerha. Aw ana ghabee w ent ga3ed tgazerha!
He said: La Mo Tinin! Esamona el mil7as!
(I swear he gave me some weird naming I can't even remember but I will go with mil7as since it sounds close and exotic)..
I say: Omik Mil7as.
End of friendship..
You don't get to call someone's mama names.
You have to earn it.
Which I do not understand..
How about not calling someones family member anything?
You can't call someones mama names when you see them for the first time. Which brings me to this..
I hate it when people point out the obvious.
Like: Did you notice how all cars have four wheels, And all tables have four legs!
Must be obvious day in camp stupid!
Then there are those smart asses.
A car has 5 wheels!
You counting the spare?
Oh Oh Oh, you smart, you caught me!
Some actually would write a thesis about it!
See that is the double edge of a pen. Which could be considered a Modern Magic Wand for the sake of our post!
When you give someone a pen, there is a 50/50 chance.
50% that person would be very productive with it.
50% that person would draw a cock on your forehead. Metaphorically.
That is why the use of pens as weapons was developed in the first place.
Someone was basically shitting with ink that some annoyed smart guy stabbed that someone with their own pen.
Matter of fact that has been done to smart penners too.
When did they start doing so? I cannot figure that out.
Can you poke someones eye with a penna (feather)?
I don't know. I'm asking!
And why the hell are people so fascinated by Tiger's Apology!
Are your lives so empty you are interested in some golfer's apology for cheating on his OWN WIFE!
All that matters is for him to apologize to his wife, and for the cash he got, she'll forgive!
Plus I was glad to hear about "the scandal"!
I have always thought he was Gay and his wife was a cover up like many politicians did.
I am relieved he cleared things up.
I mean not that I care, but I just thought he was too fruity for a black guy, and most thai men are ladyboys.
Someday, my friends, Thailand will have 0 Population Growth.
No wait some Kuwaitis are doing a great jobs maintaining a healthy population growth over there.
Never been to Thailand, heard good stuff though.
I always fancied activities that includes pingpong balls and vagina!
But I am glad He cleared things up..
That is one less dick to worry about! (SICK BUT FUNNY)..
And What about the public?
Fuck the public!
They freaking enjoyed the news or else it would have not made it there in the first place.
Tiger Woods apologizing for his sex scandal is like Barney apologizing for taking off his faggy purple suit!
Just like psychologist claim that is it bad for kids to see their favorite character our of a mask for it would result in shock and betrayal, the public saw Tiger without the mask and were in shock and felt betrayed!
YOU ARE HUMAN! YOU DO WRONG!
But since he apologized, I'll tell you that much. I'll only accept it if it was cash. Reimburse me Tiger, I was hurt by your Scandal!
It does not take a genius to figure that much out. People make false idols out of celebrities. They have always enjoyed doing so! Then when that very same celeb fucks up! All hell breaks loose!
I think Tiger should have not apologized.
However, I do think Gillette should've.
For 14 years it has been contributing to making my cheeks smooth, but they shat where they ate, nevertheless.
How? You might ask..
So whose next? I would say Yassir but he was cursed before Gillette.
So, Yeah..
Harry Potter Bad, Omani Harry Potter Cool, Pens Sometimes, Tiger Woods Fucked Up, Literally, Lucky Bastard!
I could have tweeted that post too! Dammit!
Oh well.. Too late to erase it..
P.S.
Please do not plagiarize my twitter, or use my hot fire one liners in your future posts because I will rip you a new one when you do. Consider this the first, last, and only warning.
I put two and two together.
I came to the decision that I do not mind censorship.
I am, however, against speaker's prosecution.
Pro assassination though.
So long it is quick and creates a cult status that turns you into a famous public figure.
If not, then you have been only wasting your time.
So I just whipped this post fresh!
My usual daily life is based upon the following:
It is definitely one or the other.
It is either I definitely should not play with matches, or definitely should.
I kind of base these decision upon the situation.
And yes, sometimes two wrongs make a right!
Even though I really cannot imagine me being wrong.
Like almost NEVER!
So that's what's up.
When talking to a lady, whatever you do, NEVER let them start complaining to you.
Let your main objective in life be to dodge complaints.
Avoid bitching, grousing, grumbling, and whining.
I do not mind listening so long you are not complaining.
I would much rather be called an ignorant, heartless, insensitive asshole any day of the week.
This actually has a story behind it.
Everything does.
So here is my story:
I, being the kind hearted, warm, and wise person I am, always maintain good grounds with people.
Whether at work or anywhere else, I am always the person to rely on.
Of coarse that was before I became your personal whining department.
I am too shallow.
I consider it rape to shove the unwanted ugly image of your face up my eyes.
I also believe that the insertion of unwanted words up my ears is rape too.
Believe you me.
I did not snap out of jolly easy.
Being the solid person I am, I resisted and stood strong against all odds.
Until.
There is always an until in my stories.
But it is pretty.. Bitching..
I sit there, chilling.
Watching TV.
Minding my own business.
Perhaps drinking coffee (I have been drinking shit load of that my right eye has been twitching since yesterday)
And then your gloomy ass barges into my life using whatever source of communication I am available at.
It usually starts with a Hi and three dots…
Again, I am very considerate, I actually say hi back!
Let the Misery Begin:
(YOU) :(
(ME) Wha?
(YOU) Nothing.
(ME) Ok.
(YOU) :(
(ME) OK!
(YOU) Can we talk?
(ME) Busy..
(YOU) When you are not, tell me..
(ME) OK!
4 Hours later
(YOU) Still Busy..
(ME) YES!
(YOU) :(
Again, I try not being the asshole, so I conduct the socially accepted manner..
(ME) FINE TELL ME!
And this is where I slip, some would tell you, it sucks knowing to begin with.
Others hear this in their tiny brains!
LET THE DRAMA BEGIN!
"You know when you are walking on an empty road in the middle of the dessert and then you see a rose while you skip to the oasis up the sand meadows? And then That truck gets hit by a tourist bus?"
And you try to figure out that analogy.
NO I DO NOT! What are you queer?
"No, It is like you swimming against the current then your body explodes and the cockroach inside of you overcome. You are no more. You are only a huge cockroach that eats with in! Then you find out you are not swimming, you are not a cockroach. you are actually a rock floating on the breeze down in the Dagobah System!"
And I say:
I will let the fact that you are a huge cockroach slide, but there is no fucking breeze in the Dagobah System. You float because there no gravity. You must be very very stupid. Which brings me to this.
What? are you queer?
And what sucks is it is usually via technology!
So there is no shirt to try and look down to.
Apparently, she was not queer. Apparently, she was just annoying. Apparently I did not give a fuck!
Matter of fact, If she was even half as pretty..
Sure, Love is a wondrous thing, and there is more to it than the physical experience like.. OH HELL you need a big lo set of tittes!
So she goes you do not care do you?
I say girl, I am first degree confused and 3rd degree "don't give a shit"
Or, at least I give her that impression..
So she gets angry..
Now the damsel feels dismal, and finally she knows where to point her finger.
Poor little me.
So I go: EFLANA! YOU EITHER SAY WHAT WHERE WHY WHEN AND HOW! Like we learned how to tell a story in plain words! Or else I will ignore you for 48 hours.
(I always prosecute people instantaneously upon the degree of annoyance I feel).
Except I am very lean with my punishments, AGAIN, the kindness of my heart and whatnot.
Ok, you want to know: I AM GOING TO GET MARRIED! BUT I DO NOT LIKE THE GUY!
And I say: Well fuck me standing and call me daddy!
Girls would kill to be in your position considering the many malfunctions you proudly and surely possess.
Then you bitch for an hour about it too!
What hurts the most are all those weird things!
Things that should make you happy!
I mean after six hours of weird analogies I find out they actually meant things like:
- I WON A MILLION K.D. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO!
(boohoo)
- I JUST GRADUATED WITH A BACHELORS, I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO!
(chill)
- SOME GUY THINKS IM PRETTY!
(kiss your hand belly and back)
Or a classic like: SOMEONE STOLE My MOJO!
I will tell you this much son: For your mojo to be stolen, you need one to begin with!
Psycho Witch...
Someone is losing their mind.
I already lost mine, I am looking at you big girl.
Chicken face was on bone row. Love is a basketball in chain. And that is what freed the fish people! Give it time! I am the reason of the season. The only time there is, is party time, because time is only an illusion. AND I AM HERE FOR PLEASIN.
YOU GOT TO HAVE MIND CONTROL.
I'm just kidding, I just think I am an asshole for asking! I think I should kill myself in about: smear-yourself-in-garbage-and-lock-yourself-in-a-cold-dark-room years!
Or maybe I should just wait and let Tulip Sniper do the job..