Your Strength is Weak

In this day & age the past seems like a foreign country. With all these political issues happening, what is freedom? I think freedom is nonexistent. There is always a limit. Even in the 'Land of Freedom' you can't be free enough to enter a mini-market shoeless!

I do not like how everyone wants to be the NIC, where as no one got the balls to hold that position. People tend to swarm around the quiet one thinking it's a weakness. To me they seem like a flock of vultures in a dessert, and the moment they get shot at, they are victims..

When entering politics, I think the safest thing to do is to cuss the big guy. It makes as much sense as a new 'female' artist showing cleavage on her first music video. And not much difference for that matter.

For publicity purposes cussing/cleavage works. What bothers me is not the media that turns a villain into a hero, nor the people who support that show-off, but the people who are against that person who feed him hate not knowing that every publicity is good publicity..

** To me William illustrates our country, not to be mistaken with an actual person..

Just a Thought

I will spend a lifetime working my ass of simply to survive only to find that some uneducated lazy bastard is making millions by rhyming about tits, clits, and bong hits. Then they got the nerve to label me as a 'hater', whatever that means, for not approving of the way the system is running. The only thing that keeps me intact and almost stable is knowing how it all usually ends. The 'whistler' typically bites off more than he could chew in diamond chains and cars. He/she would, in due course, go bankrupt trying to pay off his massive bills.

The Elements of a Party!

Many throw the word "party" in wrong context. I want you to know what a party is by telling you what it's not!

So here goes:

• It's not a party if you remember it.
• It's not a party without public nudity!
• It's not a party if it doesn't ruin your future.
• It's not a party unless it scars you for life!
• It's not a party if you have a curfew.
• It's not a party without injuries.
• It's not a party without cops.
• It's not a party without public masturbation (or someone jerking you off in public).
• It's not a party if it lasts less than 48 hrs.
• It's not a party if you don't shit your pants.
• It's not a party if you don't cross borders.
• It's not a party if you don't crash into a passport booth!
• It's not a party if the bouncer doesn't punch you.
• It's not a party if you're not eating food off the floor.
• It's not a party if you don't have traces of vomit/piss on you.
• It's not a party without a car wreck.
• It's not a party without arson!
• It's not a party if masks aren't involved!
• It's not a party until someone shoots 9a3adi out their makwa.
• It's not a party until someone is sitting on a Hardees floor signing "Laish Ya Thalem" (LINK)!
• It's not a party if nobody gets kidnapped!
• It's not a party until you end in the emergency room.
• It's not a party until you comatose!
• It's not a party until you streak.
• It's not a party without making phone calls you'd later regret!
• It's not a party if a "Wasta" is not involved!
• It's not a party if it isn't illegal!
• It's not a party if you don't slur: "I FUCKING LOVE YOU"!
• It's not a party if you don't end up in jail!
• It's not a party if you don't ruin a relationship.

I won't say all should happen in one sitting, but if you can't get 15/30 then please don't be as misleading as calling it a "PARTY"

FUCK YOU GRANNY

Upon burying my aunt, I went to the funeral from Sulaibikhat. On Demascus, I got hit by an old lady. A lady driving a crown victoria bumped into my rear right side. I stopped.

Some chick in a mercedes gave me a snicker (the laugh not the chocolate al shaf7a), was it a form of support I do not know.

Thank you, if it was moral support. Fuck you if you were not.

So I got out my car. I looked at her. She goes: MATSHOF!

I asked her politely, what is it I did not see?

She said: You crashed into me!

How did I crash into you, I asked..

She goes I asked you to make way for me, I had my blinker on!

I haven't seen you because you were behind me incase you didn't notice.

No you made way!

How the hell would I make way had you been behind me?

YES THAT'S IT YOU WEREN'T PAYING ATTENTION!

Lady, it is your fault, I promise!

The old bitch looks at me saying: HOW IS IT MY FAULT! YOU WERE LOOKING STRAIGHT! IT'S YOUR FAULT.

So I say: Khalti, I am talking to you with respect. I am not in the mood for this crap, I just buried my Aunt and I want to make it to the Funeral.

BITCH goes: See you think just because you have problems the whole world should tolerate your negligence! I was driving I blinked the signal left, you weren't looking AND you crashed me!

This was when I started shaking. I went to my car, counted till 10. I still wannet to beat her up. So I just left the scene to protect her from me.

Problem was, my car had merely a scratch, hers too! So there was no harm! She just wanted the cops to come so I would "FIX" her car. Which is impossible since she was the one who crashed into me! I kept explaining she kept complaining. I asked her to see the "da3ma" she said "Ana Ma anzil mn sayarti"

Sometimes I wish I was a rapist to fuck those who need to get fucked!

***

She was wearing an LV pair of Sunglasses

If these characteristics fits a person you know. Please tell them FUCK YOU from the guy at Demascus St.

Though I think she was not married, if you happen to be her son/husband (though I do not think she was married) Please let us fist fight (white weapons allowed) - Honestly FUCK YOUR MOM/WIFE I will take you and two others. Drop me an email..

(E YAHEL)!

February, The Month of Soap!

Foam party.

The country with highest amount of lung issues and Asthma attacks is Kuwait.

That is one smart party.

It is like used condoms in the country with most HIV infection.

Very Smart.

Lung diseases, however, are spread all over Kuwait!

This might be due to many factors.

The over cluttering of cars.

The closeness of factory plants to the city.

Less environmental precautions.

Smoking, Freon, CFC, and god knows what.

And we party with Foam.

CFC filled Foam Cans

Very smart!

This is Kuwait.

Or as I say TIKBFK.

Never mind all that.

What pisses me off is the next couple of days.

The very people with lung infections will go around spraying foam at each other.

I am glad I got everything intact.

I am happy that I won't leave my home.

In its defense, a friend tried to compare Kuwait's National and Liberation days to La Tomatina.

Tomato Fight in Bunyol.

I say, Ma akhas men el marbo6 ela el miftilit.

If you consider Foam Wars uncivilized. Then take a look at La Tomatina in Spain!

I say them Spaniards are not civilized either. I even think it raises the bar creating a new Law.

What is worse than wasting money on foam dispensing tin cans is to throw "ni3mat allah" at each other.

As a matter of fact, I think I read some story about God's wrath that hit people who disrespected the gift of God, i.e. "Food".

I wish I would live to see how God responds to that La Tomatina, and I hope I die before I see what God is holding for us in Kuwait.

So they tell me, Maybe it is your in city experience.

Maybe you did not see the chalet thing.

How about both?

Or perhaps all..

Chalet, Camps, Gulf Road, anyone who holds a tin can and/or participates in this festivity in anyways possible (water balloons and water guns) is indeed Hailigi.

I, nonetheless, do enjoy the nomads during these festivities. They party with Hard. They party with rocks and limestone.

That is always fun to watch. Someone is bound to die. Death at parties is always fun, especially nomadic ones..

After all, how patriotic are you when your party theme for National & Liberty day is littering your own country?

WHEN YOU LEARN HOW TO READ - PLEASE READ THIS!

I hate when a person considers eye contact a permit to talk.

I do not have that happy welcoming face to begin with.

I do not want to have anything to do with you.

I might not even want to look at your face.

I mean the occasional hello, how are you was a disaster!

You wouldn't believe what happened to day, ask me what, go on ask!

Then I am stuck for half an hour listening to some mindless shit nodding my head like I gave a piss.

Sure, it is easy to distract you, but you just won't forget.

You just won't quit!

Out of politeness I decided to drop ONLY the "how are you".

Little did I know, Hello was enough as it is!

Hello, I said, as I frolicked gently across the meadows.

(further adding charisma to both my wildness and finesse!)

But you caught me!

Hello! DID YOU HEAR ABOUT ETC, ETC, ETC!

SONOFASHESMA!

There is just no quitting in you is there?!

I often wished it was something worth hearing too!

It is probably about YOUR experience playing a video game, or YOUR trip to somewhere YOU thought was fun!

I am honestly not interested. AT ALL!

I mean, to some extent, I might develop a liking in your POV or experience playing a video game. My interest, however, dies when it is a Nintendo Wii game.

Let alone Mario Kart with level to level experience and obstacles faced.

It is like a synopsis with that guy!

I would rather poke my eardrums with a freaking fork than listening to your dumb stories!

Then I try to avoid you all together!

NO HELLO!

Just a smile and a nod!

That was when I discovered, that that's all it took for you to approach me and rape my ears with things I do not give a crap about!

I bought this T-Shirt! It is got superman on it! I love this T-shirt!

I say FUCK YOU, in my heart.

In reality, I smile and say NICE!

So I then decided to pay you no mind altogether!

Coldly passing by you playing with my phone..

Or rubbing my eyes!

BUT NO!

Like I said there is no quitting in you!

You stop me.

You talk!

Hey, you know where I'm going tomorrow? I'm going to Dubai! I am excited! I want to go skiing.

Well I hope you freeze to death!

HAHAHAHAHA YOU ARE FUNNY!

No honestly! you will fall and no one will help you and in the snow, you shall freeze to death. They won't even know because you would be covered in white!

Then you start crying!

Goto your mom.

Make a scene!

This is when it hit me; I need to be less cynical.

I need to learn how to communicate with a six year old!

Not that I care.

But when BABY cub goes tearing MAMA cougar goes RAWRING.

Especially after telling him that I used to beat his mom when we were his age.

The Correlation of Social Status Human Anatomy and Relativity of Time In Terms of Velocity: A Brief Study

ABSTRACT:

The correlation between (Hunter Gatherers) Rural Kuwait Natives and its relativity to Velocity and Time have often been undetermined, and neglected. In a series of random test taken over a period of two years I have discovered a Trend to it. My study indicated a 2.3 KM increase over the speed limit in every 3 KM distance away from the City.

INTRODUCTION:

My job requires me to move around quite a bit.

It consists of long drives to industrial areas such as Mina Abdullah, Mina Ahmadi, and Mina Shuaiba.

Living close to urbanized Kuwait City.

I am not used to rural areas.

Not that it is even remotely far, let alone rural.

However, for the sake of my differentiation, I shall use Rural to avoid confusion.

The further I drive Southwest, heading to Saudi Border, the faster people drive.

METHOD:

I drive 130 KM/hr, I therefore am, breaking an actual traffic law in Kuwait. Guilty.

Unfortunately, the further I travel Southwest, that is normal.

Driving close to speeding cars and comparing their speed to mind shows me the increase as apposed to the distance I travel away from City Center.

RESULTS:

In every 3 KM Distance away from City Center, there is a 2 KM increase in the average Speed.

Figure 1-1

DISCUSSION AND CONCLUSION:

It is apparent that the further you go away from City Center heading towards rural Areas there is a change of the social members of society.

This taken into perspective, I think there is a correlation between Social Structures and The Relativity of Time.

Which brings us to another Questions.

Why are Bidwan always in a hurry?

Is that a part of their anatomy?

Or was it implanted in their genes, being hunter-gatherers and what not.

The further I go down the Southwest, the faster they seem to drive.

My results show an apparent trend in speed, distance, and social culture.

This might be due to two reasons:

Either it is location and/or social classification of society, that mostly affects speed and distance. I propose conducting a thorough study comparing the difference of the time perception between Hunter-Gatherers (Nomads) and Stratified Society Members (US). The study will also reveal the correlation between the levels of velocity and aging.

REFERENCES:

King Fahad Road

Speedometer

Personal Observation

APPENDIX:

Raw data taken over the coarse of 2 years indicating speed and distance from city center on a high way road.

Distance City Center - Speed Limit - Actual Speed:

0-120-100

3-120-110

6-120-120

9-120-130

12-120-133

15-120-136

18-120-139

21-120-142

24-120-145

27-120-149

30-120-153

33-120-160

I will leave you with a video showing the type of craziness I have to deal early in the morning.

OK, it is not that bad, but that is the Far Southwest.

Brought to you by z7f online.

From Head Al Salmiya To Head Bnaid Al Gar!

A nonsmoker is forced to find food, but for a smoker breakfast can be a cigarette and a cup of bad coffee. Brock Fiant

I hate the fact that I quit smoking!

Not that I crave any.

But when you are used to a lifetime of ripped abs.

Oh well..

I need to lose 4 KG to be borderline normal.

I keep telling my self six.

My current aim is ten.

I now understand why fat people are fat.

They got no discipline.

FATTY FATTY BO BATTY

Just like I lost mine with not smoking.

I went to the Avenues today to watch my friend eat lunch while I drink black coffee.

Prior to reaching our restaurant, we passed by the athletes foot.

They had the new World Cup Jerseys.

I was psyched about the Nazi Jersey. (Germany).

I tried on the medium. He tried the large.

It took us 10 minutes to buy shorts and start jogging and power walking.

Until we got to Marina Mall.

The scenery was super shitty until we reached Bnaid al Gar.

Where Richie Rich meets extremism, whores, and dirt poor residents!

All blended in one big melting pot made of shattered dreams and damaged houses!

On the other hand,

Kuwait's seaside is beautiful!

I am aware that it have not been reconstructed or worked on since god-knows-when.

But the whole scenery and lay out is worth the visit!

It is also quiet where ever you went!

I even saw a couple dry humping!

No one gave a crap!

That is not to mention the dozens of people making out along the seaside belt.

Me, being me, either shouted, stared, and/or threatened!

Not that I care.

I just do not like indecent exposure!

Nor public display of affection!

Part of it was my super ego conquering me morally.

Another part was jealousy!

(The why not me factor)

No it was not that.

Them chicks were fugly son!

I am so proud to be a citizen of Kuwait where we have a beautiful seaside.

Lots of cats around Nayif Restaurant. (I literally mean cats)

And, for the first time, five straight months of beautiful weather.

(Skipping crappy cold and dry winters)

I feel like I am writing an intermediate essay.

I shall end this with a song that inspires my title and describes my trip.

The Look

I love it when a guy develops a way to look at people.

Do you work on developing that look in front of a mirror?

I enjoy watching guys staring at girls. (That sounded a bit queer).

Honestly though, I like "look counting".

Look Counting is when you count the number of looks guys make.

I apply that specifically when it comes to bird watching.

I truly think guys do it the most when it comes to the ladies.

The demise of my facebook back in 2008 was due to them and their cuteness.

Believe you me when a guy is cute it is gay.

Being cute is for Keanu Reeves, Fairies, fruits, and berries.

(Come to think of it, what's the difference?)

I came up with this statistical study:

45% Think Eye Squinting is sexy. (From where I'm sitting it looks like they are taking a shit).

30% Tilt their heads. (ya3ni cute?)

20% Ma 3ind omhom salfa.

5% Are crossed eyed. (Disgusting?)

All happen to be 100% douche. (Douche. That was so American and lame too).

I won't get into details but were you ever given a fake look that the looker thought it was sexy to give in the first place?

Dear Guys (with the look),

The moment you think that by looking at a damsel in a certain way would up your chances of winning her heart.

Please don't.

It won't.

Also, whatever happened to crossed eyed chicks!

Did they all suddenly become "7awra2"!

You are ducking 7ola, live with it!

I Am Sorry, But You Got To Go!

I do not make the rules.

I just follow them.

The code of ethics I live by is more than righteous.

(I earnestly believe it should be instated).

I shall not, however, force it upon anyone other than myself.

I shall not even dare to lobby it and/or create a cult out of it.

I am good at abiding the law.

I also do not see any harm in sharing my ideas.

Corruptissima re publica plurimae leges.

Unfortunately, I have to humbly ask the public for a favor.

I sincerely hope readers would back me up with this one.

I ask from people to aid me out in enacting TWO little rules.

Please...

People.

Stuffed figures in automobiles are not cool!

Stuffed figures in automobiles are not cute!

Stuffed figures in automobiles should be criminalized!

I am not inconsiderate.

I make sense of the inane need for compensating your lost childhood.

What I do not comprehend is..

Why does it have to be in public?

Dear reader,

Having toys in public is like skipping in the mall!

It will only damage your public perception.

I cannot even begin expressing my hatred towards that segment of society.

I feel that any person with stuffed figures should have every hole in their body stuffed with the same material used in their figures.

Give them a taste of their own medicine.

How would you like to have every cavity, both dorsal and ventral, be stuffed with cotton, straws, beans, plastic pellets, and synthetic fibres?

I would very much be delighted to do so using my own bare hands.

Another shattered fragment of our lovely society that need action to be brought against them are the strass people.

That trend was cool in 2003, for about 15 minutes.

Then it almost instantaneously became an epic failure.

People took it as far as phones, cars, Ts, shoes, hats, and bags!

Strass should be illegal.

Any person caught with strass should be prosecuted for crimes against humanity.

Intent to piss off the public.

Kill the strass people.

Strass people should be hanged, drawn, and quartered!

As a matter of fact, I believe that we should personally start attacking those people.

I am for hate crimes against stuffed animals and strass!

Except ballers who use rubies as strass.

That type we need to respect.

(Money is Power)

Today was my first day technology free.

I never thought holding a regular cellphone would feel so retro!

Speaking of fish and dentists, is tartar sauce made of tartar on teeth?

That would be disgusting.

Fuck Fish.

Cacoethes Scribendi

Cacoethes Carpendi

Vous Les Mâles Sont à Base De Baies

I am only a blogger but that does not give me an excuse to be bad at grammar.

It does not give me an excuse to spell things wrong.

The impotence of good English should not overcome me.

I also do not need to fill every sentence with tens of profanities.

I should avoid using bad language.

I keep wondering though, what makes a language bad?

I feel blasphemy adds to the style.

Anger is a great drive.

A comical stance if you will.

I feel that cussing is sometimes funny.

Maybe my vocabulary is not very colorful.

Is retard a bad word?

Retard is a condition.

What if I was to say that you are funny, while in reality, you are not.

I am just being sarcastic.

Does that make me a bad person?

Many questions lurk my brain.

Simple questions, inane Questions, Questions nonetheless.

Yes, this post is written calmly.

I am slowly trying to express my viewpoint.

As apposed to little old angry me.

I even used old rather than ol'.

I feel rather dull.

I am better at kicking ass and taking names.

Oops, I said ass.

Well I meant the donkey you idiot.

The first ass in my post and I already made you laugh.

I suppose my style is impeccable.

Even when it is wrong.

However, I need to modify my practice.

Shoot, this post is taking forever.

I despise reviewing each and every sentence.

I do not feel like I am "spitting hot fire" anymore.

Earlier today, I went to the Avenues.

I was astonished to see the amount of Kuwaiti men hanging at PINKBERRY.

How does it feel?

I went there once.

My manly image was shattered.

My manly image would be obliterated.

So men, was it worth the bird watching activity you proudly practice?

(I shall not use chicks since it would be demeaning to my female audience).

I cannot imagine being in that situation.

Where a grown-rump (ass) man sit there eat pink yogurt with fruits.

It feels too fruity.

(Says the guy who is on a strict diet to buy skinny jeans)

Berries and masculinity cannot be mixed.

(Unless there is a drug test around the corner.)

Practically, you can never see the previous two words in the same sentence.

It is like mixing fucking with sniffles.

You can never hear both in one sentence.

Unless you are a redneck, then I would not be so surprised.

"CLEAN YOUR FUCKING SNIFFLES BOY"

If only that muscular guy noticed I was observing him.

Sitting there eating pink yogurt at a pink shop!

He looked like he was devouring green lentil rice at Kuwait's Central Jail!

(Shda3wa gelna tharb bs gool emawash! MO ELA GREEN LENTIL RICE!)

How does it feel?

What is your weather? (Sheno Jawik?)

Dear Mr. Steroids and/or Micropenis,

(I did not mean it in a bad way, I was referring to the actual medical condition.)

When I first saw you.

I froze.

I thought: This guy could kill two of me by strangling us.

One in each hand!

Then I saw you happily eating at Pinkberry.

He was using a spoon too! (Fashaltna yal wa7sh)

Eating berries is just as bad as calling yourself after one.

"Hello, my name is Mohammed, you can call me Farawla!"

I am sorry I refuse eating at berry, let alone being called one.

I would like seeing you try and defend that!

They try hiding their weakness by being big.

I easily call their bluff by catching them eating at a queer place.

Maybe that fruity inclination was what made you get raped from the start.

The bigger the fruitier.

Perhaps you should not give fruits growth hormones after all.

P.S.

I was inspired by the Napoleonic French quote: You Are Lions Led By Lambs.

The title should stand for: You are Lions made from Berries.

Now I went with You Are Males Made of Berries.

I used Google Translate, that is why the french maybe off.

Harry Potter and Tiger Woods!

I found out that there are some people who protested the idea of Harry Potter!

That wizards and magic shouldn't be pop!

I agree.

I think all magicians should be banished.

Including the ones who pull rabbits out of hats.

You say coin behind my ears, I say punch your face!

I never liked the Harry Potter series.

The only two characters I liked were:

Hermione Granger

(after puberty of coarse - She sure mesmerized me. Charmed me. All that crappy magic annotations about her being pretty and whatnot. I love how they grow up so fast. And she aged well too.. (khalfala 3alaina teshawahna ba3d el morahaqa))

I even switched from Aves to 360 to look at her Burberry poster.

I reckon that 13 years is a fair gap.

If I was rich, or younger than. HAHAHHAHAHAHA

and

Hagrid!

(I love how they openly portray a wizard pedophile within the whole series so casually! Everyone knows but no one speaks of it. Just like how everyone knows that Kanye West is gay and no one wants to admit it! And do not try to defend that guy because even without his beard he looks like he likes 8 year olds!)

Then I tried to defend Harry Potter. I said, it could have been worse!

(And I am not trying to be stereotypical, BUT...)

I imagined The Omani Harry Potter. (7arris S. Mu6ar - S. Stands for S3eed since all Omanis are S3eed - so yeah S3eed is his middle name)..

The type of magician who doesn't need a Magic Wand.

The type with goat feet and blood red eyes.

The type who'd separate husband from wife.

The type only needs: Bukhor Yawi, deer's blood, an ignorant rat's tail, piece of T shirt ,and a 4 by 6 (khalfiya zarga) to party.

The Voodoo type.

Now that is one movie I would watch over and over and over and over.

Deep in Salala, where houses are built overnight and sa3af is the main means of transportation.

I like how people portray Salala as a Black Magic's Disney Land!

I've never been there but I think it is a pretty place from what I see on TV.

Though I do not believe media, I hardly believe the hype about people flying warlocks.

Some guy even described me a creature that lurks in Salala after 1.

He was trying to explain why people do not leave their houses late at night.

As the picture became vivid it appeared that he was describing a dragon!

I asked him TININ!?

Ya enik ghabee o 3abalik betgazerha. Aw ana ghabee w ent ga3ed tgazerha!

He said: La Mo Tinin! Esamona el mil7as!

(I swear he gave me some weird naming I can't even remember but I will go with mil7as since it sounds close and exotic)..

I say: Omik Mil7as.

End of friendship..

You don't get to call someone's mama names.

You have to earn it.

Which I do not understand..

How about not calling someones family member anything?

You can't call someones mama names when you see them for the first time. Which brings me to this..

I hate it when people point out the obvious.

Like: Did you notice how all cars have four wheels, And all tables have four legs!

Must be obvious day in camp stupid!

Then there are those smart asses.

A car has 5 wheels!

You counting the spare?

Oh Oh Oh, you smart, you caught me!

Some actually would write a thesis about it!

See that is the double edge of a pen. Which could be considered a Modern Magic Wand for the sake of our post!

When you give someone a pen, there is a 50/50 chance.

50% that person would be very productive with it.

50% that person would draw a cock on your forehead. Metaphorically.

That is why the use of pens as weapons was developed in the first place.

Someone was basically shitting with ink that some annoyed smart guy stabbed that someone with their own pen.

Matter of fact that has been done to smart penners too.

When did they start doing so? I cannot figure that out.

Can you poke someones eye with a penna (feather)?

I don't know. I'm asking!

And why the hell are people so fascinated by Tiger's Apology!

Are your lives so empty you are interested in some golfer's apology for cheating on his OWN WIFE!

All that matters is for him to apologize to his wife, and for the cash he got, she'll forgive!

Plus I was glad to hear about "the scandal"!

I have always thought he was Gay and his wife was a cover up like many politicians did.

I am relieved he cleared things up.

I mean not that I care, but I just thought he was too fruity for a black guy, and most thai men are ladyboys.

Someday, my friends, Thailand will have 0 Population Growth.

No wait some Kuwaitis are doing a great jobs maintaining a healthy population growth over there.

Never been to Thailand, heard good stuff though.

I always fancied activities that includes pingpong balls and vagina!

But I am glad He cleared things up..

That is one less dick to worry about! (SICK BUT FUNNY)..

And What about the public?

Fuck the public!

They freaking enjoyed the news or else it would have not made it there in the first place.

Tiger Woods apologizing for his sex scandal is like Barney apologizing for taking off his faggy purple suit!

Just like psychologist claim that is it bad for kids to see their favorite character our of a mask for it would result in shock and betrayal, the public saw Tiger without the mask and were in shock and felt betrayed!

YOU ARE HUMAN! YOU DO WRONG!

But since he apologized, I'll tell you that much. I'll only accept it if it was cash. Reimburse me Tiger, I was hurt by your Scandal!

It does not take a genius to figure that much out. People make false idols out of celebrities. They have always enjoyed doing so! Then when that very same celeb fucks up! All hell breaks loose!

I think Tiger should have not apologized.

However, I do think Gillette should've.

For 14 years it has been contributing to making my cheeks smooth, but they shat where they ate, nevertheless.

How? You might ask..

The Curse of Gillette!

So whose next? I would say Yassir but he was cursed before Gillette.

So, Yeah..

Harry Potter Bad, Omani Harry Potter Cool, Pens Sometimes, Tiger Woods Fucked Up, Literally, Lucky Bastard!

I could have tweeted that post too! Dammit!

Oh well.. Too late to erase it..

P.S.

Please do not plagiarize my twitter, or use my hot fire one liners in your future posts because I will rip you a new one when you do. Consider this the first, last, and only warning.

I'm Bringing Sexy Back

I put two and two together.

I came to the decision that I do not mind censorship.

I am, however, against speaker's prosecution.

Pro assassination though.

So long it is quick and creates a cult status that turns you into a famous public figure.

If not, then you have been only wasting your time.

So I just whipped this post fresh!

My usual daily life is based upon the following:

It is definitely one or the other.

It is either I definitely should not play with matches, or definitely should.

I kind of base these decision upon the situation.

And yes, sometimes two wrongs make a right!

Even though I really cannot imagine me being wrong.

Like almost NEVER!

So that's what's up.

When talking to a lady, whatever you do, NEVER let them start complaining to you.

Let your main objective in life be to dodge complaints.

Avoid bitching, grousing, grumbling, and whining.

I do not mind listening so long you are not complaining.

I would much rather be called an ignorant, heartless, insensitive asshole any day of the week.

This actually has a story behind it.

Everything does.

So here is my story:

I, being the kind hearted, warm, and wise person I am, always maintain good grounds with people.

Whether at work or anywhere else, I am always the person to rely on.

Of coarse that was before I became your personal whining department.

I am too shallow.

I consider it rape to shove the unwanted ugly image of your face up my eyes.

I also believe that the insertion of unwanted words up my ears is rape too.

Believe you me.

I did not snap out of jolly easy.

Being the solid person I am, I resisted and stood strong against all odds.

Until.

There is always an until in my stories.

But it is pretty.. Bitching..

I sit there, chilling.

Watching TV.

Minding my own business.

Perhaps drinking coffee (I have been drinking shit load of that my right eye has been twitching since yesterday)

And then your gloomy ass barges into my life using whatever source of communication I am available at.

It usually starts with a Hi and three dots…

Again, I am very considerate, I actually say hi back!

Let the Misery Begin:

(YOU) :(

(ME) Wha?

(YOU) Nothing.

(ME) Ok.

(YOU) :(

(ME) OK!

(YOU) Can we talk?

(ME) Busy..

(YOU) When you are not, tell me..

(ME) OK!

4 Hours later

(YOU) Still Busy..

(ME) YES!

(YOU) :(

Again, I try not being the asshole, so I conduct the socially accepted manner..

(ME) FINE TELL ME!

And this is where I slip, some would tell you, it sucks knowing to begin with.

Others hear this in their tiny brains!

LET THE DRAMA BEGIN!

"You know when you are walking on an empty road in the middle of the dessert and then you see a rose while you skip to the oasis up the sand meadows? And then That truck gets hit by a tourist bus?"

And you try to figure out that analogy.

NO I DO NOT! What are you queer?

"No, It is like you swimming against the current then your body explodes and the cockroach inside of you overcome. You are no more. You are only a huge cockroach that eats with in! Then you find out you are not swimming, you are not a cockroach. you are actually a rock floating on the breeze down in the Dagobah System!"

And I say:

I will let the fact that you are a huge cockroach slide, but there is no fucking breeze in the Dagobah System. You float because there no gravity. You must be very very stupid. Which brings me to this.

What? are you queer?

And what sucks is it is usually via technology!

So there is no shirt to try and look down to.

Apparently, she was not queer. Apparently, she was just annoying. Apparently I did not give a fuck!

Matter of fact, If she was even half as pretty..

Sure, Love is a wondrous thing, and there is more to it than the physical experience like.. OH HELL you need a big lo set of tittes!

So she goes you do not care do you?

I say girl, I am first degree confused and 3rd degree "don't give a shit"

Or, at least I give her that impression..

So she gets angry..

Now the damsel feels dismal, and finally she knows where to point her finger.

Poor little me.

So I go: EFLANA! YOU EITHER SAY WHAT WHERE WHY WHEN AND HOW! Like we learned how to tell a story in plain words! Or else I will ignore you for 48 hours.

(I always prosecute people instantaneously upon the degree of annoyance I feel).

Except I am very lean with my punishments, AGAIN, the kindness of my heart and whatnot.

Ok, you want to know: I AM GOING TO GET MARRIED! BUT I DO NOT LIKE THE GUY!

And I say: Well fuck me standing and call me daddy!

Girls would kill to be in your position considering the many malfunctions you proudly and surely possess.

Then you bitch for an hour about it too!

What hurts the most are all those weird things!

Things that should make you happy!

I mean after six hours of weird analogies I find out they actually meant things like:

- I WON A MILLION K.D. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO!

(boohoo)

- I JUST GRADUATED WITH A BACHELORS, I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO!

(chill)

- SOME GUY THINKS IM PRETTY!

(kiss your hand belly and back)

Or a classic like: SOMEONE STOLE My MOJO!

I will tell you this much son: For your mojo to be stolen, you need one to begin with!

Psycho Witch...

Someone is losing their mind.

I already lost mine, I am looking at you big girl.

Chicken face was on bone row. Love is a basketball in chain. And that is what freed the fish people! Give it time! I am the reason of the season. The only time there is, is party time, because time is only an illusion. AND I AM HERE FOR PLEASIN.

YOU GOT TO HAVE MIND CONTROL.

I'm just kidding, I just think I am an asshole for asking! I think I should kill myself in about: smear-yourself-in-garbage-and-lock-yourself-in-a-cold-dark-room years!

Or maybe I should just wait and let Tulip Sniper do the job..