EVEN THOUGH I LIKE TITS!

The following TOP-SHELF post is courtesy of Al-Arabiya (the news network that lacks news).

For those who do not know, I am both Muslim and straight (among many other great things).

MOVING ON.

So you are working in a shared office. Your only coworker is of an opposite sex. Islamically speaking this is called الخلوة المحرمة. So far, so good.

So is there a way to avoid "sinning"?

YES THERE IS!

This is where my tit bit comes in handy.

Male employee gets off his desk and lock the door (I would only assume privacy is preferred).
Female employee then whips out a titty (one is OK, two is just milking it).
Male employee then assumes the position and starts sucking on that tit five times!!!!!

In accordance to:

د.عزت عطية رئيس قسم الحديث بكلية أصول الدين بجامعة الأزهر فجر مفاجأة حيث أباح للمرأة العاملة أن تقوم بإرضاع زميلها في العمل منعاً للخلوة المحرمة، إذا كان وجودهما في غرفة مغلقة لا يفتح بابها إلا بواسط أحدهما.

واكد عطية لـ"العربية.نت" أن إرضاع الكبير يكون خمس رضعات وهو يبيح الخلوة ولا يحرم الزواج، وان المرأة في العمل يمكنها أن تخلع الحجاب أو تكشف شعرها أمام من أرضعته، مطالباً توثيق هذا الإرضاع كتابة ورسميًا ويكتب في العقد أن فلانة أرضعت فلانًا.

What's worse than thinking it is saying it! What's worse than that is publishing it!

And this is where I lost my sanity. I have always thought that two wrongs do not make a right! Now (ba3ad ma khar'ha MAWLANA) my perspective on things has changed!

For years I thought a female was a PERSON, now it appears to be she is but a pair of tits on a meat popsicle!

If the screen was not fucking with my eyes AND I still can comprehend Arabic correctly, then that sounded creepy! So would someone tell me what happened to courtesy? Did it just disappear?

Did they not put any consideration regarding the awkwardness of the situation in the long run?

You cannot suck a coworker's tit and later be casual about it! There are certain protocols accompanied with it!

PLUS: What does he call that woman from there on? 7abeebty? yumma? Do they exchange numbers? What happens from there on?! You cannot act as if nothing happened!

3ala sheno his PhD. hatha? 3ala 6al ib 3aina.. Shal fatwa elsamja? I have been questioning al azhar's basic decision making skills for quite sometime, but this is the last straw. This is where I draw the line.

Who in their right mind would suggest that? NOBODY! Then what drug made him utter those words in one sentence?

Female: Mawlana I feel uncomfortable working with a man at my office.
Mawlana: Bo9i ya benti, inty t6ala3i sidrik wetkhalih ye7lib. (I shall not choose other than yi7lib since his so-called fatwa seemed more appropriate for cows!)

Is he taking his "target market" for granted?
Who would even believe that crap?
I am telling you; telling a lie like this to one's face is just as bad as spitting on one's face then farting on it!
Disgusting is what it is!

In conclusion, I do not think this "Fatwa" is correct due to its absurdness.

I guess what I'm trying to say is I love tits but this is preposterous!