KITNB

Your Strength is Weak

2010-07-05T12:17:00.004+03:00

In this day & age the past seems like a foreign country. With all these political issues happening, what is freedom? I think freedom is nonexistent. There is always a limit. Even in the 'Land of Freedom' you can't be free enough to enter a mini-market shoeless!

I do not like how everyone wants to be the NIC, where as no one got the balls to hold that position. People tend to swarm around the quiet one thinking it's a weakness. To me they seem like a flock of vultures in a dessert, and the moment they get shot at, they are victims..

When entering politics, I think the safest thing to do is to cuss the big guy. It makes as much sense as a new 'female' artist showing cleavage on her first music video. And not much difference for that matter.

For publicity purposes cussing/cleavage works. What bothers me is not the media that turns a villain into a hero, nor the people who support that show-off, but the people who are against that person who feed him hate not knowing that every publicity is good publicity..

** To me William illustrates our country, not to be mistaken with an actual person..

Just a Thought

2010-07-01T14:18:00.002+03:00

I will spend a lifetime working my ass of simply to survive only to find that some uneducated lazy bastard is making millions by rhyming about tits, clits, and bong hits. Then they got the nerve to label me as a 'hater', whatever that means, for not approving of the way the system is running. The only thing that keeps me intact and almost stable is knowing how it all usually ends. The 'whistler' typically bites off more than he could chew in diamond chains and cars. He/she would, in due course, go bankrupt trying to pay off his massive bills.

The Elements of a Party!

2010-04-07T15:30:00.013+03:00

Many throw the word "party" in wrong context. I want you to know what a party is by telling you what it's not!

So here goes:

It's not a party if you remember it.
It's not a party without public nudity!
It's not a party if it doesn't ruin your future.
It's not a party unless it scars you for life!
It's not a party if you have a curfew.
It's not a party without injuries.
It's not a party without cops.
It's not a party without public masturbation (or someone jerking you off in public).
It's not a party if it lasts less than 48 hrs.
It's not a party if you don't shit your pants.
It's not a party if you don't cross borders.
It's not a party if you don't crash into a passport booth!
It's not a party if the bouncer doesn't punch you.
It's not a party if you're not eating food off the floor.
It's not a party if you don't have traces of vomit/piss on you.
It's not a party without a car wreck.
It's not a party without arson!
It's not a party if masks aren't involved!
It's not a party until someone shoots 9a3adi out their makwa.
It's not a party until someone is sitting on a Hardees floor signing "Laish Ya Thalem" (LINK)!
It's not a party if nobody gets kidnapped!
It's not a party until you end in the emergency room.
It's not a party until you comatose!
It's not a party until you streak.
It's not a party without making phone calls you'd later regret!
It's not a party if a "Wasta" is not involved!
It's not a party if it isn't illegal!
It's not a party if you don't slur: "I FUCKING LOVE YOU"!
It's not a party if you don't end up in jail!
It's not a party if you don't ruin a relationship.

I won't say all should happen in one sitting, but if you can't get 15/30 then please don't be as misleading as calling it a "PARTY"

FUCK YOU GRANNY

2010-03-07T15:08:00.002+03:00

Upon burying my aunt, I went to the funeral from Sulaibikhat. On Demascus, I got hit by an old lady. A lady driving a crown victoria bumped into my rear right side. I stopped.

Some chick in a mercedes gave me a snicker (the laugh not the chocolate al shaf7a), was it a form of support I do not know.

Thank you, if it was moral support. Fuck you if you were not.

So I got out my car. I looked at her. She goes: MATSHOF!

I asked her politely, what is it I did not see?

She said: You crashed into me!

How did I crash into you, I asked..

She goes I asked you to make way for me, I had my blinker on!

I haven't seen you because you were behind me incase you didn't notice.

No you made way!

How the hell would I make way had you been behind me?

YES THAT'S IT YOU WEREN'T PAYING ATTENTION!

Lady, it is your fault, I promise!

The old bitch looks at me saying: HOW IS IT MY FAULT! YOU WERE LOOKING STRAIGHT! IT'S YOUR FAULT.

So I say: Khalti, I am talking to you with respect. I am not in the mood for this crap, I just buried my Aunt and I want to make it to the Funeral.

BITCH goes: See you think just because you have problems the whole world should tolerate your negligence! I was driving I blinked the signal left, you weren't looking AND you crashed me!

This was when I started shaking. I went to my car, counted till 10. I still wannet to beat her up. So I just left the scene to protect her from me.

Problem was, my car had merely a scratch, hers too! So there was no harm! She just wanted the cops to come so I would "FIX" her car. Which is impossible since she was the one who crashed into me! I kept explaining she kept complaining. I asked her to see the "da3ma" she said "Ana Ma anzil mn sayarti"

Sometimes I wish I was a rapist to fuck those who need to get fucked!

***

She was wearing an LV pair of Sunglasses

If these characteristics fits a person you know. Please tell them FUCK YOU from the guy at Demascus St.

Though I think she was not married, if you happen to be her son/husband (though I do not think she was married) Please let us fist fight (white weapons allowed) - Honestly FUCK YOUR MOM/WIFE I will take you and two others. Drop me an email..

(E YAHEL)!

February, The Month of Soap!

2010-02-24T21:47:00.002+03:00

Foam party.

The country with highest amount of lung issues and Asthma attacks is Kuwait.

That is one smart party.

It is like used condoms in the country with most HIV infection.

Very Smart.

Lung diseases, however, are spread all over Kuwait!

This might be due to many factors.

The over cluttering of cars.

The closeness of factory plants to the city.

Less environmental precautions.

Smoking, Freon, CFC, and god knows what.

And we party with Foam.

CFC filled Foam Cans

Very smart!

This is Kuwait.

Or as I say TIKBFK.

Never mind all that.

What pisses me off is the next couple of days.

The very people with lung infections will go around spraying foam at each other.

I am glad I got everything intact.

I am happy that I won't leave my home.

In its defense, a friend tried to compare Kuwait's National and Liberation days to La Tomatina.

Tomato Fight in Bunyol.

I say, Ma akhas men el marbo6 ela el miftilit.

If you consider Foam Wars uncivilized. Then take a look at La Tomatina in Spain!

I say them Spaniards are not civilized either. I even think it raises the bar creating a new Law.

What is worse than wasting money on foam dispensing tin cans is to throw "ni3mat allah" at each other.

As a matter of fact, I think I read some story about God's wrath that hit people who disrespected the gift of God, i.e. "Food".

I wish I would live to see how God responds to that La Tomatina, and I hope I die before I see what God is holding for us in Kuwait.

So they tell me, Maybe it is your in city experience.

Maybe you did not see the chalet thing.

How about both?

Or perhaps all..

Chalet, Camps, Gulf Road, anyone who holds a tin can and/or participates in this festivity in anyways possible (water balloons and water guns) is indeed Hailigi.

I, nonetheless, do enjoy the nomads during these festivities. They party with Hard. They party with rocks and limestone.

That is always fun to watch. Someone is bound to die. Death at parties is always fun, especially nomadic ones..

After all, how patriotic are you when your party theme for National & Liberty day is littering your own country?

WHEN YOU LEARN HOW TO READ - PLEASE READ THIS!

2010-02-24T12:20:00.009+03:00

I hate when a person considers eye contact a permit to talk.

I do not have that happy welcoming face to begin with.

I do not want to have anything to do with you.

I might not even want to look at your face.

I mean the occasional hello, how are you was a disaster!

You wouldn't believe what happened to day, ask me what, go on ask!

Then I am stuck for half an hour listening to some mindless shit nodding my head like I gave a piss.

Sure, it is easy to distract you, but you just won't forget.

You just won't quit!

Out of politeness I decided to drop ONLY the "how are you".

Little did I know, Hello was enough as it is!

Hello, I said, as I frolicked gently across the meadows.

(further adding charisma to both my wildness and finesse!)

But you caught me!

Hello! DID YOU HEAR ABOUT ETC, ETC, ETC!

SONOFASHESMA!

There is just no quitting in you is there?!

I often wished it was something worth hearing too!

It is probably about YOUR experience playing a video game, or YOUR trip to somewhere YOU thought was fun!

I am honestly not interested. AT ALL!

I mean, to some extent, I might develop a liking in your POV or experience playing a video game. My interest, however, dies when it is a Nintendo Wii game.

Let alone Mario Kart with level to level experience and obstacles faced.

It is like a synopsis with that guy!

I would rather poke my eardrums with a freaking fork than listening to your dumb stories!

Then I try to avoid you all together!

NO HELLO!

Just a smile and a nod!

That was when I discovered, that that's all it took for you to approach me and rape my ears with things I do not give a crap about!

I bought this T-Shirt! It is got superman on it! I love this T-shirt!

I say FUCK YOU, in my heart.

In reality, I smile and say NICE!

So I then decided to pay you no mind altogether!

Coldly passing by you playing with my phone..

Or rubbing my eyes!

BUT NO!

Like I said there is no quitting in you!

You stop me.

You talk!

Hey, you know where I'm going tomorrow? I'm going to Dubai! I am excited! I want to go skiing.

Well I hope you freeze to death!

HAHAHAHAHA YOU ARE FUNNY!

No honestly! you will fall and no one will help you and in the snow, you shall freeze to death. They won't even know because you would be covered in white!

Then you start crying!

Goto your mom.

Make a scene!

This is when it hit me; I need to be less cynical.

I need to learn how to communicate with a six year old!

Not that I care.

But when BABY cub goes tearing MAMA cougar goes RAWRING.

Especially after telling him that I used to beat his mom when we were his age.

The Correlation of Social Status Human Anatomy and Relativity of Time In Terms of Velocity: A Brief Study

2010-02-23T08:10:00.005+03:00

ABSTRACT:

The correlation between (Hunter Gatherers) Rural Kuwait Natives and its relativity to Velocity and Time have often been undetermined, and neglected. In a series of random test taken over a period of two years I have discovered a Trend to it. My study indicated a 2.3 KM increase over the speed limit in every 3 KM distance away from the City.

INTRODUCTION:

My job requires me to move around quite a bit.

It consists of long drives to industrial areas such as Mina Abdullah, Mina Ahmadi, and Mina Shuaiba.

Living close to urbanized Kuwait City.

I am not used to rural areas.

Not that it is even remotely far, let alone rural.

However, for the sake of my differentiation, I shall use Rural to avoid confusion.

The further I drive Southwest, heading to Saudi Border, the faster people drive.

METHOD:

I drive 130 KM/hr, I therefore am, breaking an actual traffic law in Kuwait. Guilty.

Unfortunately, the further I travel Southwest, that is normal.

Driving close to speeding cars and comparing their speed to mind shows me the increase as apposed to the distance I travel away from City Center.

RESULTS:

In every 3 KM Distance away from City Center, there is a 2 KM increase in the average Speed.

Figure 1-1

DISCUSSION AND CONCLUSION:

It is apparent that the further you go away from City Center heading towards rural Areas there is a change of the social members of society.

This taken into perspective, I think there is a correlation between Social Structures and The Relativity of Time.

Which brings us to another Questions.

Why are Bidwan always in a hurry?

Is that a part of their anatomy?

Or was it implanted in their genes, being hunter-gatherers and what not.

The further I go down the Southwest, the faster they seem to drive.

My results show an apparent trend in speed, distance, and social culture.

This might be due to two reasons:

Either it is location and/or social classification of society, that mostly affects speed and distance. I propose conducting a thorough study comparing the difference of the time perception between Hunter-Gatherers (Nomads) and Stratified Society Members (US). The study will also reveal the correlation between the levels of velocity and aging.

REFERENCES:

King Fahad Road

Speedometer

Personal Observation

APPENDIX:

Raw data taken over the coarse of 2 years indicating speed and distance from city center on a high way road.

Distance City Center - Speed Limit - Actual Speed:

0-120-100

3-120-110

6-120-120

9-120-130

12-120-133

15-120-136

18-120-139

21-120-142

24-120-145

27-120-149

30-120-153

33-120-160

I will leave you with a video showing the type of craziness I have to deal early in the morning.

OK, it is not that bad, but that is the Far Southwest.

Brought to you by z7f online.

From Head Al Salmiya To Head Bnaid Al Gar!

2010-02-22T21:52:00.004+03:00

A nonsmoker is forced to find food, but for a smoker breakfast can be a cigarette and a cup of bad coffee. Brock Fiant

I hate the fact that I quit smoking!

Not that I crave any.

But when you are used to a lifetime of ripped abs.

Oh well..

I need to lose 4 KG to be borderline normal.

I keep telling my self six.

My current aim is ten.

I now understand why fat people are fat.

They got no discipline.

FATTY FATTY BO BATTY

Just like I lost mine with not smoking.

I went to the Avenues today to watch my friend eat lunch while I drink black coffee.

Prior to reaching our restaurant, we passed by the athletes foot.

They had the new World Cup Jerseys.

I was psyched about the Nazi Jersey. (Germany).

I tried on the medium. He tried the large.

It took us 10 minutes to buy shorts and start jogging and power walking.

Until we got to Marina Mall.

The scenery was super shitty until we reached Bnaid al Gar.

Where Richie Rich meets extremism, whores, and dirt poor residents!

All blended in one big melting pot made of shattered dreams and damaged houses!

On the other hand,

Kuwait's seaside is beautiful!

I am aware that it have not been reconstructed or worked on since god-knows-when.

But the whole scenery and lay out is worth the visit!

It is also quiet where ever you went!

I even saw a couple dry humping!

No one gave a crap!

That is not to mention the dozens of people making out along the seaside belt.

Me, being me, either shouted, stared, and/or threatened!

Not that I care.

I just do not like indecent exposure!

Nor public display of affection!

Part of it was my super ego conquering me morally.

Another part was jealousy!

(The why not me factor)

No it was not that.

Them chicks were fugly son!

I am so proud to be a citizen of Kuwait where we have a beautiful seaside.

Lots of cats around Nayif Restaurant. (I literally mean cats)

And, for the first time, five straight months of beautiful weather.

(Skipping crappy cold and dry winters)

I feel like I am writing an intermediate essay.

I shall end this with a song that inspires my title and describes my trip.

The Look

2010-02-22T13:55:00.003+03:00

I love it when a guy develops a way to look at people.

Do you work on developing that look in front of a mirror?

I enjoy watching guys staring at girls. (That sounded a bit queer).

Honestly though, I like "look counting".

Look Counting is when you count the number of looks guys make.

I apply that specifically when it comes to bird watching.

I truly think guys do it the most when it comes to the ladies.

The demise of my facebook back in 2008 was due to them and their cuteness.

Believe you me when a guy is cute it is gay.

Being cute is for Keanu Reeves, Fairies, fruits, and berries.

(Come to think of it, what's the difference?)

I came up with this statistical study:

45% Think Eye Squinting is sexy. (From where I'm sitting it looks like they are taking a shit).

30% Tilt their heads. (ya3ni cute?)

20% Ma 3ind omhom salfa.

5% Are crossed eyed. (Disgusting?)

All happen to be 100% douche. (Douche. That was so American and lame too).

I won't get into details but were you ever given a fake look that the looker thought it was sexy to give in the first place?

Dear Guys (with the look),

The moment you think that by looking at a damsel in a certain way would up your chances of winning her heart.

Please don't.

It won't.

Also, whatever happened to crossed eyed chicks!

Did they all suddenly become "7awra2"!

You are ducking 7ola, live with it!

I Am Sorry, But You Got To Go!

2010-02-21T19:19:00.006+03:00

I do not make the rules.

I just follow them.

The code of ethics I live by is more than righteous.

(I earnestly believe it should be instated).

I shall not, however, force it upon anyone other than myself.

I shall not even dare to lobby it and/or create a cult out of it.

I am good at abiding the law.

I also do not see any harm in sharing my ideas.

Corruptissima re publica plurimae leges.

Unfortunately, I have to humbly ask the public for a favor.

I sincerely hope readers would back me up with this one.

I ask from people to aid me out in enacting TWO little rules.

Please...

People.

Stuffed figures in automobiles are not cool!

Stuffed figures in automobiles are not cute!

Stuffed figures in automobiles should be criminalized!

I am not inconsiderate.

I make sense of the inane need for compensating your lost childhood.

What I do not comprehend is..

Why does it have to be in public?

Dear reader,

Having toys in public is like skipping in the mall!

It will only damage your public perception.

I cannot even begin expressing my hatred towards that segment of society.

I feel that any person with stuffed figures should have every hole in their body stuffed with the same material used in their figures.

Give them a taste of their own medicine.

How would you like to have every cavity, both dorsal and ventral, be stuffed with cotton, straws, beans, plastic pellets, and synthetic fibres?

I would very much be delighted to do so using my own bare hands.

Another shattered fragment of our lovely society that need action to be brought against them are the strass people.

That trend was cool in 2003, for about 15 minutes.

Then it almost instantaneously became an epic failure.

People took it as far as phones, cars, Ts, shoes, hats, and bags!

Strass should be illegal.

Any person caught with strass should be prosecuted for crimes against humanity.

Intent to piss off the public.

Kill the strass people.

Strass people should be hanged, drawn, and quartered!

As a matter of fact, I believe that we should personally start attacking those people.

I am for hate crimes against stuffed animals and strass!

Except ballers who use rubies as strass.

That type we need to respect.

(Money is Power)

Today was my first day technology free.

I never thought holding a regular cellphone would feel so retro!

Speaking of fish and dentists, is tartar sauce made of tartar on teeth?

That would be disgusting.

Fuck Fish.

Cacoethes Scribendi

Cacoethes Carpendi

Vous Les Mâles Sont à Base De Baies

2010-02-20T20:21:00.007+03:00

I am only a blogger but that does not give me an excuse to be bad at grammar.

It does not give me an excuse to spell things wrong.

The impotence of good English should not overcome me.

I also do not need to fill every sentence with tens of profanities.

I should avoid using bad language.

I keep wondering though, what makes a language bad?

I feel blasphemy adds to the style.

Anger is a great drive.

A comical stance if you will.

I feel that cussing is sometimes funny.

Maybe my vocabulary is not very colorful.

Is retard a bad word?

Retard is a condition.

What if I was to say that you are funny, while in reality, you are not.

I am just being sarcastic.

Does that make me a bad person?

Many questions lurk my brain.

Simple questions, inane Questions, Questions nonetheless.

Yes, this post is written calmly.

I am slowly trying to express my viewpoint.

As apposed to little old angry me.

I even used old rather than ol'.

I feel rather dull.

I am better at kicking ass and taking names.

Oops, I said ass.

Well I meant the donkey you idiot.

The first ass in my post and I already made you laugh.

I suppose my style is impeccable.

Even when it is wrong.

However, I need to modify my practice.

Shoot, this post is taking forever.

I despise reviewing each and every sentence.

I do not feel like I am "spitting hot fire" anymore.

Earlier today, I went to the Avenues.

I was astonished to see the amount of Kuwaiti men hanging at PINKBERRY.

How does it feel?

I went there once.

My manly image was shattered.

My manly image would be obliterated.

So men, was it worth the bird watching activity you proudly practice?

(I shall not use chicks since it would be demeaning to my female audience).

I cannot imagine being in that situation.

Where a grown-rump (ass) man sit there eat pink yogurt with fruits.

It feels too fruity.

(Says the guy who is on a strict diet to buy skinny jeans)

Berries and masculinity cannot be mixed.

(Unless there is a drug test around the corner.)

Practically, you can never see the previous two words in the same sentence.

It is like mixing fucking with sniffles.

You can never hear both in one sentence.

Unless you are a redneck, then I would not be so surprised.

"CLEAN YOUR FUCKING SNIFFLES BOY"

If only that muscular guy noticed I was observing him.

Sitting there eating pink yogurt at a pink shop!

He looked like he was devouring green lentil rice at Kuwait's Central Jail!

(Shda3wa gelna tharb bs gool emawash! MO ELA GREEN LENTIL RICE!)

How does it feel?

What is your weather? (Sheno Jawik?)

Dear Mr. Steroids and/or Micropenis,

(I did not mean it in a bad way, I was referring to the actual medical condition.)

When I first saw you.

I froze.

I thought: This guy could kill two of me by strangling us.

One in each hand!

Then I saw you happily eating at Pinkberry.

He was using a spoon too! (Fashaltna yal wa7sh)

Eating berries is just as bad as calling yourself after one.

"Hello, my name is Mohammed, you can call me Farawla!"

I am sorry I refuse eating at berry, let alone being called one.

I would like seeing you try and defend that!

They try hiding their weakness by being big.

I easily call their bluff by catching them eating at a queer place.

Maybe that fruity inclination was what made you get raped from the start.

The bigger the fruitier.

Perhaps you should not give fruits growth hormones after all.

P.S.

I was inspired by the Napoleonic French quote: You Are Lions Led By Lambs.

The title should stand for: You are Lions made from Berries.

Now I went with You Are Males Made of Berries.

I used Google Translate, that is why the french maybe off.

Harry Potter and Tiger Woods!

2010-02-20T10:21:00.006+03:00

I found out that there are some people who protested the idea of Harry Potter!

That wizards and magic shouldn't be pop!

I agree.

I think all magicians should be banished.

Including the ones who pull rabbits out of hats.

You say coin behind my ears, I say punch your face!

I never liked the Harry Potter series.

The only two characters I liked were:

Hermione Granger

(after puberty of coarse - She sure mesmerized me. Charmed me. All that crappy magic annotations about her being pretty and whatnot. I love how they grow up so fast. And she aged well too.. (khalfala 3alaina teshawahna ba3d el morahaqa))

I even switched from Aves to 360 to look at her Burberry poster.

I reckon that 13 years is a fair gap.

If I was rich, or younger than. HAHAHHAHAHAHA

and

Hagrid!

(I love how they openly portray a wizard pedophile within the whole series so casually! Everyone knows but no one speaks of it. Just like how everyone knows that Kanye West is gay and no one wants to admit it! And do not try to defend that guy because even without his beard he looks like he likes 8 year olds!)

Then I tried to defend Harry Potter. I said, it could have been worse!

(And I am not trying to be stereotypical, BUT...)

I imagined The Omani Harry Potter. (7arris S. Mu6ar - S. Stands for S3eed since all Omanis are S3eed - so yeah S3eed is his middle name)..

The type of magician who doesn't need a Magic Wand.

The type with goat feet and blood red eyes.

The type who'd separate husband from wife.

The type only needs: Bukhor Yawi, deer's blood, an ignorant rat's tail, piece of T shirt ,and a 4 by 6 (khalfiya zarga) to party.

The Voodoo type.

Now that is one movie I would watch over and over and over and over.

Deep in Salala, where houses are built overnight and sa3af is the main means of transportation.

I like how people portray Salala as a Black Magic's Disney Land!

I've never been there but I think it is a pretty place from what I see on TV.

Though I do not believe media, I hardly believe the hype about people flying warlocks.

Some guy even described me a creature that lurks in Salala after 1.

He was trying to explain why people do not leave their houses late at night.

As the picture became vivid it appeared that he was describing a dragon!

I asked him TININ!?

Ya enik ghabee o 3abalik betgazerha. Aw ana ghabee w ent ga3ed tgazerha!

He said: La Mo Tinin! Esamona el mil7as!

(I swear he gave me some weird naming I can't even remember but I will go with mil7as since it sounds close and exotic)..

I say: Omik Mil7as.

End of friendship..

You don't get to call someone's mama names.

You have to earn it.

Which I do not understand..

How about not calling someones family member anything?

You can't call someones mama names when you see them for the first time. Which brings me to this..

I hate it when people point out the obvious.

Like: Did you notice how all cars have four wheels, And all tables have four legs!

Must be obvious day in camp stupid!

Then there are those smart asses.

A car has 5 wheels!

You counting the spare?

Oh Oh Oh, you smart, you caught me!

Some actually would write a thesis about it!

See that is the double edge of a pen. Which could be considered a Modern Magic Wand for the sake of our post!

When you give someone a pen, there is a 50/50 chance.

50% that person would be very productive with it.

50% that person would draw a cock on your forehead. Metaphorically.

That is why the use of pens as weapons was developed in the first place.

Someone was basically shitting with ink that some annoyed smart guy stabbed that someone with their own pen.

Matter of fact that has been done to smart penners too.

When did they start doing so? I cannot figure that out.

Can you poke someones eye with a penna (feather)?

I don't know. I'm asking!

And why the hell are people so fascinated by Tiger's Apology!

Are your lives so empty you are interested in some golfer's apology for cheating on his OWN WIFE!

All that matters is for him to apologize to his wife, and for the cash he got, she'll forgive!

Plus I was glad to hear about "the scandal"!

I have always thought he was Gay and his wife was a cover up like many politicians did.

I am relieved he cleared things up.

I mean not that I care, but I just thought he was too fruity for a black guy, and most thai men are ladyboys.

Someday, my friends, Thailand will have 0 Population Growth.

No wait some Kuwaitis are doing a great jobs maintaining a healthy population growth over there.

Never been to Thailand, heard good stuff though.

I always fancied activities that includes pingpong balls and vagina!

But I am glad He cleared things up..

That is one less dick to worry about! (SICK BUT FUNNY)..

And What about the public?

Fuck the public!

They freaking enjoyed the news or else it would have not made it there in the first place.

Tiger Woods apologizing for his sex scandal is like Barney apologizing for taking off his faggy purple suit!

Just like psychologist claim that is it bad for kids to see their favorite character our of a mask for it would result in shock and betrayal, the public saw Tiger without the mask and were in shock and felt betrayed!

YOU ARE HUMAN! YOU DO WRONG!

But since he apologized, I'll tell you that much. I'll only accept it if it was cash. Reimburse me Tiger, I was hurt by your Scandal!

It does not take a genius to figure that much out. People make false idols out of celebrities. They have always enjoyed doing so! Then when that very same celeb fucks up! All hell breaks loose!

I think Tiger should have not apologized.

However, I do think Gillette should've.

For 14 years it has been contributing to making my cheeks smooth, but they shat where they ate, nevertheless.

How? You might ask..

The Curse of Gillette!

So whose next? I would say Yassir but he was cursed before Gillette.

So, Yeah..

Harry Potter Bad, Omani Harry Potter Cool, Pens Sometimes, Tiger Woods Fucked Up, Literally, Lucky Bastard!

I could have tweeted that post too! Dammit!

Oh well.. Too late to erase it..

P.S.

Please do not plagiarize my twitter, or use my hot fire one liners in your future posts because I will rip you a new one when you do. Consider this the first, last, and only warning.

I'm Bringing Sexy Back

2010-02-18T22:55:00.009+03:00

I put two and two together.

I came to the decision that I do not mind censorship.

I am, however, against speaker's prosecution.

Pro assassination though.

So long it is quick and creates a cult status that turns you into a famous public figure.

If not, then you have been only wasting your time.

So I just whipped this post fresh!

My usual daily life is based upon the following:

It is definitely one or the other.

It is either I definitely should not play with matches, or definitely should.

I kind of base these decision upon the situation.

And yes, sometimes two wrongs make a right!

Even though I really cannot imagine me being wrong.

Like almost NEVER!

So that's what's up.

When talking to a lady, whatever you do, NEVER let them start complaining to you.

Let your main objective in life be to dodge complaints.

Avoid bitching, grousing, grumbling, and whining.

I do not mind listening so long you are not complaining.

I would much rather be called an ignorant, heartless, insensitive asshole any day of the week.

This actually has a story behind it.

Everything does.

So here is my story:

I, being the kind hearted, warm, and wise person I am, always maintain good grounds with people.

Whether at work or anywhere else, I am always the person to rely on.

Of coarse that was before I became your personal whining department.

I am too shallow.

I consider it rape to shove the unwanted ugly image of your face up my eyes.

I also believe that the insertion of unwanted words up my ears is rape too.

Believe you me.

I did not snap out of jolly easy.

Being the solid person I am, I resisted and stood strong against all odds.

Until.

There is always an until in my stories.

But it is pretty.. Bitching..

I sit there, chilling.

Watching TV.

Minding my own business.

Perhaps drinking coffee (I have been drinking shit load of that my right eye has been twitching since yesterday)

And then your gloomy ass barges into my life using whatever source of communication I am available at.

It usually starts with a Hi and three dots…

Again, I am very considerate, I actually say hi back!

Let the Misery Begin:

(YOU) :(

(ME) Wha?

(YOU) Nothing.

(ME) Ok.

(YOU) :(

(ME) OK!

(YOU) Can we talk?

(ME) Busy..

(YOU) When you are not, tell me..

(ME) OK!

4 Hours later

(YOU) Still Busy..

(ME) YES!

(YOU) :(

Again, I try not being the asshole, so I conduct the socially accepted manner..

(ME) FINE TELL ME!

And this is where I slip, some would tell you, it sucks knowing to begin with.

Others hear this in their tiny brains!

LET THE DRAMA BEGIN!

"You know when you are walking on an empty road in the middle of the dessert and then you see a rose while you skip to the oasis up the sand meadows? And then That truck gets hit by a tourist bus?"

And you try to figure out that analogy.

NO I DO NOT! What are you queer?

"No, It is like you swimming against the current then your body explodes and the cockroach inside of you overcome. You are no more. You are only a huge cockroach that eats with in! Then you find out you are not swimming, you are not a cockroach. you are actually a rock floating on the breeze down in the Dagobah System!"

And I say:

I will let the fact that you are a huge cockroach slide, but there is no fucking breeze in the Dagobah System. You float because there no gravity. You must be very very stupid. Which brings me to this.

What? are you queer?

And what sucks is it is usually via technology!

So there is no shirt to try and look down to.

Apparently, she was not queer. Apparently, she was just annoying. Apparently I did not give a fuck!

Matter of fact, If she was even half as pretty..

Sure, Love is a wondrous thing, and there is more to it than the physical experience like.. OH HELL you need a big lo set of tittes!

So she goes you do not care do you?

I say girl, I am first degree confused and 3rd degree "don't give a shit"

Or, at least I give her that impression..

So she gets angry..

Now the damsel feels dismal, and finally she knows where to point her finger.

Poor little me.

So I go: EFLANA! YOU EITHER SAY WHAT WHERE WHY WHEN AND HOW! Like we learned how to tell a story in plain words! Or else I will ignore you for 48 hours.

(I always prosecute people instantaneously upon the degree of annoyance I feel).

Except I am very lean with my punishments, AGAIN, the kindness of my heart and whatnot.

Ok, you want to know: I AM GOING TO GET MARRIED! BUT I DO NOT LIKE THE GUY!

And I say: Well fuck me standing and call me daddy!

Girls would kill to be in your position considering the many malfunctions you proudly and surely possess.

Then you bitch for an hour about it too!

What hurts the most are all those weird things!

Things that should make you happy!

I mean after six hours of weird analogies I find out they actually meant things like:

- I WON A MILLION K.D. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO!

(boohoo)

- I JUST GRADUATED WITH A BACHELORS, I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO!

(chill)

- SOME GUY THINKS IM PRETTY!

(kiss your hand belly and back)

Or a classic like: SOMEONE STOLE My MOJO!

I will tell you this much son: For your mojo to be stolen, you need one to begin with!

Psycho Witch...

Someone is losing their mind.

I already lost mine, I am looking at you big girl.

Chicken face was on bone row. Love is a basketball in chain. And that is what freed the fish people! Give it time! I am the reason of the season. The only time there is, is party time, because time is only an illusion. AND I AM HERE FOR PLEASIN.

YOU GOT TO HAVE MIND CONTROL.

I'm just kidding, I just think I am an asshole for asking! I think I should kill myself in about: smear-yourself-in-garbage-and-lock-yourself-in-a-cold-dark-room years!

Or maybe I should just wait and let Tulip Sniper do the job..

COCK AND CAKE - AN ENDLESS ENDEAVOR

2010-02-14T10:29:00.003+03:00

The only cake I want today is the one with 27 strippers in it. (Naser)

What is worse than me early in the morning?

I shall tell you..

Me on a diet early in the morning!

With a belly growling like Chewbacca, there is no telling what I'm capable of!

Especially when its on a day like today!

What is it with people and celebrating fat bearded pedophiles-whose-obsessed-with-the-color-red day!

(I know V was not fat but it fits my story better - Ebtihal said "Thanks Giving" was a religious holiday on live TV do not judge me for manipulating the truth, UNLIKE HER, I know it!)

Also, before you even begin saying it.

I also know it is the pagan holiday Lupercalia where teenagers start going steady.

It also led to fornication!

I can say fucking but I can never be fed up with fornication.

So biblical (whatever that means).

Aren't we fed up with this shit already?

And why do people keep coming with crappy days to commit sins!

what ever happened to: Get in the back seat and fuck for four hours!

Did you know what the hearts stand for?

And why is the theme Reddish?

These are the type of asses that dude liked!

(Actually, everyone's type - But, unlike them, I would prefer an adult women rather than an 8 y/o boy).

Then comes the other bearded pedophiles and start discriminating it as a day of the devil.

Its not even worth paying attention to it. Here we are discussing the importance and legitimacy of a day where two grown ups feed each other, give each other jewelry, chocolates, fuck, and flowers!

Mr. Mulla Man tends to get upset.

Whenever today comes the color red makes him too sensitive!

He then runs to the nearest phone booth and wears his cape.

Its a bird!

Its a Plane!

NO ITS SUPERMULLA!

With all his anti-love anti-gift bull crap!

In Islam, everyday is a V-Day and for that they like to claim:

EVERYTHINGS 7aram today.

(Which doesn't makes sense - They should only denounce the theme...)

No Fun

No Fucking

No Red

No Chocolate

No Flowers

But I do get their point.

Chocolate and flower companies commercialize V day.

The problem with holidays is not the day, it is the theme they enforce on people during that day!

I am an anti-theme person!

I like anarchy and chaos.

I do not want a uniform for everyday!

I will not wear red white and black.

Nor will I participate in this stupid square dance.

I do not know how all that crap fit together.

I do not even care about jewelry. It does not add to intimacy.

Except for the occasional BJ that accompanies diamonds!

I also cannot seem to put my finger on the purpose of flowers!

Why do you give someone flowers?

If I was handed a flower I feel like cattle!

Am I supposed to eat it?

Doesn't taste that good, I'll tell you that much!

They give out flowers, and then the flower dies.

Which defies the purpose of wishing someone well.

Somehow I do not feel dying is romantic!

My version of Romeo is him getting a hard-on and banging juliet for 30 minutes on stage.

We shall call that poison, VIAGRA!

How's that for a play Shakespeare?

Let us have a relationship as beautiful as this flower! (As quick too).

How would it feel if I was to give you a terrorist kitten on your V-Day?

Today its cute and cuddly tomorrow its a self-exploding suicidal pussy!

Kinda reminds me of my ex!

Better yet an ipod that melts within 24 hours!

Wouldn't that suck?

Of coarse I do understand, the fucking would compensate for it.

But I do know for a fact, that at least one female and male who will be reading that crap would give/get a gift.

It would be one sided.

MINUS the sex!

which is being owned in my book!

But then again Kuwaitis set a bar in relationships, hence, SHEEP!

Love should be an everyday thing!

Celebrating it should be constant and frequent!

Valentines is made for two reasons, not to cancel a pagan holiday, and to set an appointment for lover's gift giving.

A cold and lame western response to love.

But I love misery, part of my V day ritual is go around and see "modern" couples.

I like seeing how many have only this day to hold on to.

I like seeing that they are hung on occasions where V day and Anniversary makes sense to them.

I like seeing them gazing at each other on a candle light dinner and calculate the days they got left in this sorry relationship!

"Hmmm, she seems laughy. I'll give em 5 years.."

"She's borderline old, I'm giving them 6 months tops!"

So ladies before you begin giving cat for a rose, see if its worth it.

And dudes, before buying useless shit, please think of what you are getting in return.

Do not do it for the sake of love, please do it for the sake of what its worth!

Not that I care, I just hate it when geeks mess up the curve!

Oh, one last word of advise for the guys:

Do not force anal on kids, like broccoli, they will end up hating it when they grow up.

After all, Muslims should celebrate Three Eids!

ALADHA

AL FITIR

MILADY

I AM SO GOING TO WATCH ATHF TONIGHT!

I AM THE MAGIC MAN!

2010-02-10T11:51:00.006+03:00

Most Kuwaitis want to be Italian!

Except the ones who want to be Spanish, or Latino!

Some want to be Italian soccer players.

Some want to be Italian models.

Others want to be Italian Designers.

Speaking of designers, it is good to look good.

Matter of fact, I'd love to get my eyes raped with the beauty and joy of looking at a well dressed person.

But why do you have to be a BRAND WHORE!

Sure you can make your own decisions!

Certainly not all answers in life begin with: Armani, Buckler, and Cavalli!

What has become of us? Whatever happened to mixing and matching! Whatever happened to not showing off?

My suggestion to BRAND WHORES is this:

Do not take the price tag off. Let us not only see the brand name. We want to know the Brand price! I want to make sure you did not buy it at a SALE. Because Brand Whores are not Sale Whores. Sale Whores are "3agad".

Either or, I feel sad for you. To not feel happy in your own skin without having a big latin/christian name slapped on your chest. It takes years of therapy to get rid of that "problem".

Each and everyone has this one phrase he says to make him look fancy too!

FORZA NERO ARMANI, YAAAAY!

As to the spanish Kuwaitis.

They love partying!

Ibiza ya walad!

And they go there every summer!

EVERY SUMMER?!

EVERY SUMMER!

Sadly to the very same two places, Barcelona and Maiorca, ARTH ALLAH WAS3A YABN EL KALB! El asban malo men wyohkom!

As to the Latino wannabes! Hathail el faqara!

Whats more tragic than being pretentious is being poor and pretentious!

I want to be a Brazilian player.

Like Ronaldinho!

You know how ugly Ronaldinho is?

Sure, he's a great player, but Ronaldinho would trade all the fame, skills, and money for a face!

IN A HEART BEAT TOO!

So, Why don't we have a Kuwaiti who wants to be a Kuwaiti player? Kuwaiti Designers? Kuwaiti Artists!? Or do we, by default, leave it to the retards!

Then blame the retards for not doing a great job!

I wish the Kuwaitis would imitate the Italians in things like beating the people responsible for ruining Kuwaiti sports? They are passionate about their sport, that is why the World Cup Trophy is Hanging there. They are willing to KILL for the cause. Are we willing to even hurt for the Cause?

They make a difference we don't do shit!

Silvio Berlusconi messed up, HE GOT SLAPPED! Italians out there trying to make a difference. That is how they roll. Here in Kuwait? We do not have a moment for sports. We just watch people disgracing it!

Would you go as far as dying for your country, better yet KILLING?

No one wants to and that is why they seek their identity else where!

And since when did the official whore costume become bleach blonde hair with a hand drawn mole made out of eyeliner! I love bleach blonde hair! Why did they have to associate it with whores! And why did they not tell me about it! But I know how to differentiate.

I saw a couple and I followed them like on discovery channel.

I found that they got their own terms!

They say stuff like:

Chip - Cheap

Crystal - Strass

Dean o Dah-LLOCA - Basically, read Dean and Deluca in Arabic and say it like you read it.

Donat - Donut

I really get pissed when I hear someone talking like that. I wish I can smack a jaw!

I think all are whores but just to be in the safe side and not offend anyone, I will add this feature:

They got this weird fetish with BOTOX!

LAZEM!

If not lips, boobs. But BOTOX is important!

Also they tend to stutter and cum when they hear the word Vi vi vi Villa Moda.

And Why the hell do they wear white tops with a bright pink bra! I do not get it!

Why does it always have to be about you!

WATCH ME! WATCH ME! WATCH ME!

Reminds me of a Jamaican Singer.

(They both want you to watch them!)

But Ultimately, hell broke loose Yesterday.

I was at the mall.

I saw two lovebirds hanging out at Lino's.

She was wearing a burgi3. He was gazing deeply into her eyes.

I thought, what a lucky girl, her guy is not looking anywhere else.

He is looking into her eyes. Given, There is nothing else to look at.

That was the only open platform. Which got me thinking, is it possible for him to maintain the same personality when she is on and off that burgi3?

I mean will he be the same considerate person or will he be sex crazed the moment she takes it off due to the lack of flesh/face he is being exposed to?

What if he likes her with her mask on?

Would he not like her when she takes it off?

I suddenly got worked in a relationship that isn't mine.

Then I thought, would she be offended if they were about to get it on, and he asked her to wear the burgi3?

Kind of like a fetish? Maybe he wears one too behind closed doors!

I don't know, last time I asked a girl to wear a mickey mouse mask she got real offended...

Hey, I just wanted to compliment my Bugs Bunny Suit!

P.S.

It was either this or Ebtihal. I refuse to call her a professor because I have seen knees think better than her. I have decided to spare her a couple more days. I mean she's pretty dumb for a PhD. But I do know the story behind her problems. MAJOR Daddy issues. This is what makes her attention depraved. I know the exact medication for her Rants. And yes sometimes the solution is a big fat juicy dick. I am not trying to be funny either!

After all, some fight for nonexistent matters, like freedom and equality. Take it from me. There is no such thing. Not in Kuwait. Not anywhere else.

Rasputin and the Empress

2010-02-08T08:43:00.005+03:00

DISCLAIMER

ALL CHARACTERS IN THIS WORK ARE FICTITIOUS, ANY RESEMBLANCE TO REAL PERSONS, LIVING, DEAD, OR NON-KUWAITI, IS PURELY COINCIDENTAL, AND SHOULD NOT BE CONSTRUED!

Back when I had the time to read other blogs. Or give a shit to begin with. I saw many people who blogged about things! And this is not an attack on anyone. I do not have any specific person in mind. But isn't blogging about things depressing? By the time I finish reading, my IQ goes down!

And I always imagine they talk in CAPS!

TODAY I BOUGHT A BAG! IT IS PURPLE! IT HAS A THUNDERPUSSY KEY CHAIN THAT LOOKS CUTE. I LIKE THINGS. (and to be ultimately cool) IT IS NOT SOLD IN KUWAIT. I GOT IT FROM EBAY! YAAAAAAY!

So I end up getting pissed and wanting to break that blogger's face with the bag they bought. Not that I care. But those where the same jolly fucks who were happy THEY were voted person of the year on Time Person of The Year in 2006!

TODAY I WAS VOTED TIME PERSON OF THE YEAR! I AM HAPPY. I MADE A CHANGE. I AM PROUD! I ALSO BOUGHT A CUPCAKE TO CELEBRATE PERSON OF THE YEAR! IT IS NOT SOLD IN KUWAIT. I GOT IT FROM MARS. YAAAAAAY!

And I wanted to choke these bastards!

I also realized that there was a mini war on the side amongst those compulsive buyers!

Specimen A: TODAY I GOT A POOPTHING WITH BLUETOOTH MODEL 12G! I GOT IT STRAIGHT OUTTA WAFRA! YAAAAAY!

Specimen B: TODAY I GOT A POOPTHING WITH BLUETOOTH MODEL 13G! I GOT IT STRAIGHT OUTTA WAFRA! BUT IT HAS A BIGGER DICK THAN 12G! YAAAAAY!

Then who comes and settle the beef?

It's just another blogger who uses his excellent blog for marketing purposes. He likes things based on who pays him more!

Many Kuwaitis love taking advice from non Kuwaitis. Many of them have shit for brains and cannot make their own decisions! SO, to be trendy and unique, like a snowflake, they goto blondes and ask them to lay their wisdom upon thee!

Unfortunately, every snowflake is unique. So what makes snowflakes special? It is like bragging about having a unique thumbprint imprint!

Problem is they compulsively buy every piece of crap being thrown at them from that retard!

COKE OR PEPSI? BLACK OR WHITE!? XBOX OR PLAYSTATION? BOXERS OR BRIEFS? NATHARAT KAIFAN OR HASSAN'S OPTICIAN? ASNAN OR ALMAIDAN?! ME OR HIM? STRAIGHT OR GAY? DECIDE! PLEASE DECIDE!

TELL US PLEASE LAY YOUR WISDOM! And they do lay their wisdom. Only their wisdom is evil shit generated by greed.

I discovered that that person has better taste buds than all of us! They have a perfect taste in everything! They are the all knowing holy spirit brought to us from the heavens to make us, Kuwaitis, better human beings! So we can brag about our shit!

I will not eat anything they did not recommend!

I shall not wear anything they do not like!

I will not go anywhere they do not ask me to goto!

O MIGHTY BLOGGER LAY YOUR WISDOM ON ME! TELL ME HOW TO LIVE MY LIFE TELL ME WHERE I BUY MY CRAP! HELP ME BUILD AN EMPIRE OF CHEAP THINGS THAT WOULD FULFILL ME WITH HAPPINESS AND COMPLETENESS? YAAAAAY.

INFACT, (even though I believe that a magic 8 ball would make better decisions than them), I WILL DO EVERYTHING HE TELLS ME, YAAAAAAY!

(Yay here is to be said in our prayers, instead of AMEN)

** Not to be mistaken with lil jon's signature YEAAH!

*** Very similar to Special Ed's retarded YAAAAAY!

**** Beware of the false messiah!

So I discussed that with a friend and he said, yakhi el Kuwaitiyeen laish 9aro taf'heen chethy? MY SENTIMENTS EXACTLY!

But I do not mind, I mean I do not care really. In fact I couldn't care any less.

When you come to think of it! I am not pointing fingers aslan! And if you think that this post is about you it was not!

And now for our feature blog:

The above was an intro,

I just did not want to type what I am about to type and let readers think I am bragging about things like others! So here goes:

I just got me a pair of transition glasses. They turn into shades under direct sun and back to optical when indoors! However, I do not like the fact that I cannot make up my mind! One minute I am cool character from westside story with a fancy name like SODA POP or OTTO, the next I am a nerd shy of white tape on the middle!

What I like most is the ease of personality switch:

Example:

SUNNY:

Whistling, walking smoothly, and greeting everyone in the coolest way possible! Maybe singing some KID CUDI. Checking out asses and complimenting them. Chicks look back with a smile!

BAM CLOUDY:

Grams/Meter = (Length*Width*(MC/100)*0.958)/100

Funny aint it? I think so!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

The Kuwaiti Slap Concept

2010-02-06T10:27:00.010+03:00

I have to say, one of my favorite things in life is to watch a human life collapse!

Kuwaitis are bosses when it comes to this scene.

During my stay in the states, I have seen people turn their lives into shit!

I am not much of an asshole.

I do not hang out with the wrong crowd. (Sometimes I do).

I even go as far as giving them a couple words of advice too.

Hell sometimes I tried to adopt that person and get him a newer better life.

(Sports, Reading, PS3, whatever it takes)

I offer my services. But some love living on the fast lane. So all I can do is sit back and watch them fuck their lives up.

I once saw a guy who got piss drunk, He got shirtless in a restaurant and started serially smooching every girl he sees!

That was funny. I was not there with him. I was enjoying my Carne Asada.

And out of the good in me I left my Carne Asada to pull him out.

He pushed me away and went on doing it! Until a big black dude struck him a punch.

Many people underestimate a Nigger Punch. Nigger punch is a product of years and years of breeding them to be big and strong. I laughed hard that night.

Speaking of Nigger Punch, have you ever heard of "Mabda2 el 6rag el Kuwaiti?"

The Kuwaiti Slap Concept is the Slap that changes points of view.

It cannot be done by anyone who is non Kuwaiti.

It is the type of slap that makes you continuously do the yes gesture with your head for a minute or two.

It comes out with emotions too.

I used it twice.

You might say who would slap in a fight? or an argument?

And it was cheesy too..

Something about our National Football Team.

Sure I think they are best fit in the special olympics but I do not condone bad mouthing those Mongoloids! Yes they are we-todds But they are MY we-todds!

So I slapped him and he immediately said: L-L-L-L-Laish?

And that, my friend, is the Kuwaiti Slap Concept.

If it was used more often, we would have had a better parliament. We would not have had a less corrupt society. The Kuwaiti Trash that are surfacing our community would still be in their caves flying pigeons and smoking LM at al rab6a.

I would hit people, usually out of patriotism. You can say I'm a redneck! Hahaha. No I do not hit people for any wrong reason. Do not hit them to make a choice. I advice. And if that do not work I just observe.

And when I do eventually observe I see how people ruin their lives TOTALLY!

Like a native of the GCC do not have a redline. NO LIMIT! They are like RIDE OR DIE!

Either I'm a decent human being, OR OR OR OR, I would do every sin there is in the BOOK! Smoking, Drinking, Gambling, Drugging, Fucking, BUT WAIT, THERE IS MORE! REBA, 7ASAD SI7IR, LIEING, THIEVING!!

I tell them: You guys are out of fucking control!

That is how you can observe a guy sipping a beer, next thing he cries and confesses the sin he just did in front of you. I try talking some sense into the bastard and he goes NO I'M RUINED.

Same thing goes with disturbed chicks too! Matter of fact chicks are bosses at it! They do things out of emotions that makes less sense than a midget with a yoyo!

She's in love. Romeo don't drink the poison, she starts whoring!

KHALAS EDENYA MA TESWA I GIVE UP!

And this is where the Kuwaiti Slap Concept comes in handy.

Had someone, a family member, gave them that slap they would have second thoughts about all of that!

PARENTING Sucks in Kuwait. Then comes those 40-something parents and say, where did we go wrong? Right from the start Ma/Pa. You were never right and therefore your son is a gambler and your daughter is a whore! And I say that out of concern to future parents! SLAP your mini yous. Or just give em enough attention!

I think I should publish a book on parenting!

Then I can be a self help Guru.

And start a cult.

Make em all drink Kool Aid.

Only then I would serve society right by getting rid of trash!

It is a dirty job but someone has to do it.

But hey, I have seen some messed up scenarios in my day.

Like the guy who was a merit student and within a year he got kicked out of college and all that was because he liked pot. Which is an ultimate fail. But it was sure funny to watch!

Now he works as a teller with a history degree from a community college! Sorry tellers but I think your job is to count change and smile. Last year you were to be one of the smartest engineers in Kuwait son. Now? You are a banking historian. Way to make your family proud? And the sad part is, had he got his degree, he would have bought all the pot in the world!

Sad, but True!

P.S. I have to say though Fuck ups, in general, make the world an interestingly funny place and fun too!

VIVA LA CORRUPCION!

To Booth or not To Booth

2010-02-05T12:45:00.003+03:00

Today ‎I decided I do not like exhibitions. The exhibitions where they got dozens of booths!

A booth for crappy T-shirts, another one for disgusting chocolate sandwiches.

Some take it as far as selling a crappy chocolate T-shirt sandwich. Which is disgusting!

The only exhibitions I would consider going to are the ones with kissing booths.

Better yet, a boob booth! ‎Where u squeeze the boobs of the booth owner.

Three squeezes for 1 k.d. 10 for 3!

Because they throw it out there as if they actually want you to squeeze it.

But I do know the idea behind their appearance.

They go there for 2 things:

1. Buy a crappy cover for their "BB".
2. In hopes to get pick for marriage!

Which I do not blame them. Guys want to try before they buy. But chicks offer only a view of the goods and you then decide.

B, b, b, but what if you got nasty mad stretch marks? It's a gamble, I'm telling you marriage is a fucking gamble!

And, economically speaking, marriage is certainly more valuable than whoring, to the female that is. After all, the male spends more in the process. Except for the Indians, they got it right! The Male chooses and the Female pays the Dowry!

So should I get postpaid? or prepaid? eezee sounds good! I really do not know what plan I should go with!

What about marrying a whore? Therefore, you are right for all the wrong reasons!

Experience is a +, AND, you get to pay as you go! or cum..

Even my married friends go: It's khara khara khara khara khara!

Some couples actually came to the understanding that they can cheat if they cross the border!

I don't know about that. Cheating is like same sex fucking. Both sides are gay!

An old timer once told me:

Look at me, I spent most my life with different whores. Everyday it was a new expedition for me. Now I'm 70 in a wheelchair.
I said see? Was it worth it?
He said,
Hell yes! I became a millionaire. I do not have a nagging wife nor a son whose waiting for my death!

But you are lonely!

Not when I'm paying for a driver and a nurse I'm not. I am buying my company, son. That bastard actually got me thinking. But I think I'm the type who would like a regular war of the roses!

Let the nag begin!

I know either choice I pick would eventually be the wrong one just because of who I am.

My whole life is a series of "nasser ewaheg nafsa".

Hahahahahahaha
Fuck my life!

Thursday With Edith

2010-02-04T21:45:00.003+03:00

Fotha wela Motha is not working for me tonight!

Who cares about infants shopping? I know I don't.

I want the low class bitches!

The ones that you know they got major social problems!

The ones you know they need much guidance! At least needed at some point!

So now I'm left with the only thing worth doing,

Browsing and posting.

So allow me to rape your ears with the best music out there.

Edith Piaf is by far the best french singer, right on top with Cheb Khalid.

And the sound of her with a cup of espresso and half KD worth of Banak is heavenly.

I would also recommend visiting Adam Voorhes' webpage.

The photos are as much fun to watch as monkeys fucking!

You are welcome!

Goodnight,

You Can't Ruin Damaged Goods!

2010-02-03T23:51:00.004+03:00

Been a month since my last smoke!

Now I have no weakness!

How do you deal with a person like that?

How would you treat a flawless me?

With Respect, that's how!

And Now For Our Feature Post:

I finally figured it out, socially!

I have not been thinking right!

I was calculating it all wrong from the beginning!

So here it is.

Psycho women love me!

I worked my memory hard.

I was between writing a 20 page report on the importance of buying German machinery for producing petrochemicals and my past relationships.

This is one of the two most random subjects I can think of at the same time.

Even if you ask me:

What could be the two most random topics you would be thinking of while drinking your Turkish at work at 9 A.M.?

I would answer:

The importance of buying German machinery for petrochemicals production and my past relationships!

And you would say that was specific!

During my 20-something year reign of being awesome, I was romantically involved with only one normal person!

Out of all the relationships I have been involved in, ONE is considered normal!

The rest?

Psycho chicks!

I was too stupid to notice too!

So I grouped my four favorite issues in terms of popularity, significance, and excitement.

This is based on own personal expertise, (1 being most favorable).

1. Daddy Issues

2. Low Self Esteem/ Insecurity

3. Depression/Mood swings

4. Bipolar disorder

That being said, I think I have managed moving around those disorders.

So I will end this with a quick freestyle

we blowin money

we sipping cognac

Hey lil bunny

let's hit the bed sack

you be my honey

I be yo prozac

Brought to you by DJ Best Fuck Up On the Planet

Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

An Apple A Day

2010-01-30T15:26:00.003+03:00

In terms of Apple's latest technological breakthrough!

Do you wear it when you're PMS-ing?

Dear Mr. Jobs, please work on the name.

Also,

Do not waste your time here no more!

I found a blog I am addicted to!

ninjavspenguin

Beautiful..

You're Dead and I Feel Pretty!

2010-01-29T20:46:00.005+03:00

So this is what I found out!

As far as I know, EVERY chick's anticipation when going to a funeral is: To get away with wearing as much make up as she could!

I never knew that until recently!

She might even not need any! Hell, she might even does not apply any to begin with!

The whole idea of a funeral in my humble point of view is to return you to the ground.

Remind you that when you are done, this is exactly where we are willing to put you.

To let me know that soon I will end up in dirt.

To remind me that no matter what I do I will end up being Worm fucked underground! BUTT NAKED TOO!
Can't you guys spare me some space in the garage? Maybe throw me in a fridge?

Shut Up, NO! We are already fed up with you so we are going to dig a hole and throw you there.

We know how much u hate sand in your hair and that is exactly what we are going to do to you!

Not that I have any hair, nor do I care what happens when I'm dead! At least then I would be judged by the only being that I would accept to be judged by!
But back to the chick thing!

Their main purpose, when it comes to funerals, is to wear as much make up as they can and get away with it!

You do not need make up! Hell you do not wear make up to begin with! Yeah but I would not want to be the only person who does not wear make up!

What would you want people to think? I'm a first degree relative of the deceased?!

Well the deceased was a nice person!

FUCK THE DEAD I'm going to wear my make up!

Does it look like I am wearing any?

Yes it does!

Well fuck you for noticing!

But the people there will not pay any attention! At least the relatives won't!

They'll be busy crying while I try and spot any obvious fellow make up artist over there so I can gossip about her insolence!

Maybe tell the family of the deceased how rude she was.

Funerals are hard to understand!

If I die do not bother coming to my burial nor my funeral!

If you really want to do something, you can start a charity fund! Send water to the thirsty people in Africa!

Better yet to the highway Bengal workers during summer. Or shoot the Bengalis. I don't care! Just don't come to my Funeral! But if you had to come, do not wear make up please!

ESPECIALLY if you were a guy!

Kinky Monkey

2010-01-23T00:00:00.001+03:00

That's how it's done, Son! That's how it's done, Son! That's how it's done, Son! That's how it's done, Son! That's how it's done, Son! That's how it's done, Son! That's how it's done, Son! That's how it's done, Son! That's how it's done, Son! That's how it's done, Son! That's how it's done, Son! That's how it's done, Son! That's how it's done, Son! That's how it's done, Son! That's how it's done, Son! That's how it's done, Son! That's how it's done, Son! That's how it's done, Son! That's how it's done, Son! That's how it's done, Son! That's how it's done, Son! That's how it's done, Son! That's how it's done, Son! That's how it's done, Son! That's how it's done, Son! That's how it's done, Son! That's how it's done, Son! That's how it's done, Son! That's how it's done, Son! That's how it's done, Son! That's how it's done, Son! That's how it's done, Son! That's how it's done, Son! That's how it's done, Son! That's how it's done, Son! That's how it's done, Son! That's how it's done, Son! That's how it's done, Son! That's how it's done, Son! That's how it's done, Son! That's how it's done, Son! That's how it's done, Son! That's how it's done, Son! That's how it's done, Son! That's how it's done, Son! That's how it's done, Son! That's how it's done, Son! That's how it's done, Son!

Call me sick but:

animals humping is an eye candy!

I especially liked this pic because it was big monkey raping the shit out of infant monkey!

I took 300+ pics of the process!

Imagine standing there for 40 minutes and documenting a rape!

Another thing I like is watching them eating their own feces, or each other!

I took some pics of that too.

Nevertheless, monkeys fucking is on my top five things to watch!

Moral Bankruptcy

2010-01-22T12:42:00.002+03:00

Can I hustle my way through life?

I thought of that a couple of times already!

Sure I can work hard and do miracles, professionally.

But why should I?

I got this gift. I can see something and say I can do that! I end up doing it too!

I already can see my self hustling my way through jobs and create a career for myself!

Sure I would not anticipate being like Obama! I would not want to hustle a whole country!

But you have to give it to him! He is a big fish! When you hustle a nation that is professionalism.

Do not get me wrong, here in Kuwait people are doing it in daily basis!

Some do hustle a nation or two!

But I think they are all small fish compared to what Obama did!

I still strictly believe that McCain is better qualified for the Job. Do not get me wrong I do not even believe in democracy!

It is funny how here in Kuwait it is pretty much the same! Parliament is running by money for money and the people are still buying that bullshit trying to grasp to whatever beautiful dream they hold thinking that the Utopian mind frame would conquer!

As do white Americans do when they think that because he's light and talks white he does not represents the streets!

I think when Obama goes home he is most ghetto when alone!

Straight Up GANGSTA Bitch! Purrrrrrrrrrrrr

It kills me when I see less qualified people running things just because they kissed the right asses and said what others wanted to hear!

I am facing a moral fork in the road! Should I just become a high paid hustler and live it easy! or should I work my buns off and be what I am right now?

Well that was a rhetorical question.

I do have a message though.

This goes out to all the Kuwaiti cripples and retards out there. I know you like to be called handicapped, I do not care, but do not worry. You will get all your right eventually. As soon as someone finds someway to make money out of it.

So sit tight! As if you can do anything other than sitting!

Weird

2010-01-19T22:34:00.002+03:00

Stupid Daddy's bad little girl. She had the whole world in her hand. Pa never neglected any detail. She's been very spoiled. Living in a very stable household. Ruled by love. She ends up getting backdoored by some drugged out loser. I felt bad for her. She was an only child. Daddy trusted her! Daddy got her everything. But Daddy was not enough, so she got a sugar daddy. I wish he is as sweet as you thought he would be. Poor Stupid Daddy's bad little girl.

On the lighter note, I quit smoking 19 days ago. I think I want to smoke again. Not that I'm craving it. I have been breathing much better lately. I feel great. I started smelling again. I can taste food! I also eliminated the lung cancer factor, had I not already caught it! I think I should smoke for two main reasons though.

1. My bad boy persona is missing a major element.

2. I've gained 8 K.G. in 19 days.

Fuck Sobering Up!

Goodnight..

nuff said

2009-10-02T00:34:00.002+03:00

Everything Beeps!

2009-09-15T21:34:00.002+03:00

I am pro technology.

I think it helps ease things up, but only to some extent.

What I do not like about it though is the commitment it puts on us.

I think technology is stranding me.

A mobile phone I have to answer. A text I have to reply to. BBN or whatever kids call it these days. Emails I got to keep track of and follow up with. This is not right. I put all my equipment/accessories on silent for the most part. Unfortunately, where ever I decide to roam I have to answer to someone. I have no "me" time anymore!

I am sitting there meditating then something vibrates!

Modern society is putting so much pressure on me!

I am just as flexible as the next guy, but being easily reached is impossible!

It is like you have no reason for not answering! And on top of that, people do not know when to stop!

I am not liking technology. I think it invades my privacy! One more thing, people think they own the right to tell you not to live without it!

As soon as I decide to not use a phone for a specific amount of time all hell breaks loose!

Family, friends, work, and others too!

I think this comes out of selfishness!

Why do you not want me to loose my phone? Because maybe I need you!

Well my friends FUCK YOU ALL!

I have decided to not use any means of modern communication and/or technology this includes TV too for a whole month!

Starting: Soon.

And to the people who think I cannot do it, wanna bet?

Open Fire

2009-08-06T16:25:00.002+03:00

There was this blogger/computer programmer dude who opened fire earlier because he has been single since 1984. I think it is now safe to say the following phrase:

"I'm so horny, I can kill a bunch of people".

But I kind of have an idea why he did not get any. It was the stache! Definitely the stache!

Mr. Prado

2009-04-16T10:11:00.005+03:00

As a way of redirecting my angst and releasing it positively I am going to start a bunch of "Dear (whoever)" posts. This is to see if I can avoid hurting anyone by posting. If this doesn't work, I guess it's back to good ol ass whipping for me. So here goes:

Dear Mr. Prado 97,

I am sorry I broke your windshield. No I'm not. It's just that I don't appreciate people blocking my car at the parking space. I do not think a sticker with: "Hey, please don't park here" is enough. If you were late, that does not mean I have to suffer.
This is not an apology. This is my way of saying: Look at the bright side, better your windshield than your face. Yes, I tried to redirect my anger, release it on your car and spare you. Lucky you, courtesy didn't just disappear..

The plan was you until the car in front of me moved. I wanted to wait for you, only I have already been waiting for 45 minutes.
Dear Mr. Prado being civilized does not have a cost. The way I see it I was not half civilized too, but if you insist on turning my country into a third world hell hole. Bring it on. Sure there are other ways to treat that problem, but in my book it would be something like: split radiator, melted wheels, and a floor board filled with fluids.
Dear Mr. Prado, believe me, better your windshield than your face.

Sincerely,
Nasser

I guess what I'm trying to say is, if you were an object, don't ever cross me. I proved to your windshield and I'll prove it to any of your belongings. This includes the sack of rotten meat you call a body.

Off Topic:

This is my new marketing pitch/threat to people who piss me off:

Are you depressed? Have interest rates got you down? My name is Nasser and I'm here to offer you a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Sell your organs LIVE! On my block. I offer the best rebate on your babies! Get rid of the fat and dumb ones. Replace them with decent ones. No need to worry financially we'll give you a push start. And remember you can never succeed unless you try, try, and try some more.

Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire

2009-04-10T21:53:00.003+03:00

I do not get pathological liars.
I do not get liars period.

I mean I am sure there is a reason, but why? I really need to know.
I stumble upon liars like e'eryday.

Lying is an easy escape but a damned prison!

I myself do not lie. I do have my own method of story telling.

I like exaggerating and dramatizing a certain situation.

For example 10 minutes in human standards is 10 in Nasser years. 10,000 years is a regular phrase too.

I am proud of it since I just figured out that 10,000 years is translated to BANZAI in Japanese.

This is out of respect for the Emperor, started during the 8th century, when they wished he reigned for 10,000 years.

I sure hope he does, unfortunately I do not think I have that much patience, lemme die and get over with it.

In case you did not notice, I am practicing some Japanese, hopefully I would be able to speak it by the end of the year.

But back to the main point, why do they keep lying?

I can understand the usual customary compliment lie. Mashalla, your shoes are nice!

(I was wearing a pair of crocs with a dishdasha to work you idiot how nice is that? And why the hell are you checking out my feet anyways, you freak!)

But patholically lying about everything!?
This is simply unbearable.

One of my people usually calls everyday at 5 P.M. asking me what I got planned for today?
Nothing Dowaniya..
I'll be there in an hour.

He never shows up. Why did you bother calling and/or give me a false promise?
This does not bother me.

There are other types of liars. The ones who steal actual events to share placing themselves and others as main characters. That is better than choosing a cartoon and replace elsanafir with you and your family. Either ways its pathetic.

Back in highschool I had a guy who claimed he was chilling with "7akeem el aqzam"
TRUE STORY!
But then again he also claimed that a dragon lit him a cigarette and the ownership of a printer that prints stuff he bought from amazon! I sure hoped that was true.

I wanted to believe some of the shit I heard from people over the years just because it would be cool.

There are also those who seek to spread rumours. A fantasy porno, an important death, a big embezzlement, even a war! So what use is that? and how is it constructive?

By the way, concealing the truth is just ask good! Sure sometimes truth hurts, but I would rather be hurt than be lied to. As if I got any feelings left.

Good thing I can spot a lie EASY, and I do not have tolerance to those who do it. Whether it is a friend, family, or even a total stranger, I immediately blow thier cover and call their bluff. I kinda enjoy it.

In all cases lying is not healthy, and what scared me the most, its considered a way of life here in Kuwait!

And then 17 y/o girls blame their 27 y/o boyfriends for doing something nasty, the wife blames the husband for cheating, the consumer blames the producer for false advertising, the people blame the politicians for faking it, and everyone blames ze Egyptians.

(I do not know how I reached that conclusion so do not ask.)

I rarely give a promise because I keep mine. I hope some of the important peoples in Kuwait keep theirs. Yes, I am aware I pluralized people.

In the end I ask myself, is it worth lying? what is it for? Money? Fame? Whatever? I really do not care I just think it is plain cowardness.

Speaking of Cowardness and Banzai I am, along with a certain reader, we are, going to live like a gyokusai, a shattered jewel.

大丈夫寧可玉砕何能瓦全

"a great man should die as a shattered jewel rather than live as an intact tile"

Poker is fair game though

MINDED JOB OPENING

2009-03-29T16:05:00.003+03:00

Recently, my goals have indeed took a different route!

Apparently, "Go to work, do your best, and go home", was too much to ask for!
I got to a level where: "Go to work and do not kill your boss!" Is really hard to achieve.

I thought being good was enough, I was mistaken, the deal was to kiss ass.

But that is not what I am getting into. I am here to record the alternatives.

Let us say that I did indeed kill my boss, or hurt him real bad, for sure I would get fired.

So, what next?

Apart from my job I have compiled a collection of jobs, weird/bad, jobs, nonetheless.

Here are somethings that would entitle me to say, Mo ent ele teg6a3 rezgee, upon getting fired.

Historian - I can talk all day about my recent obsession over Chen Shou's Records of the Three Kingdoms.

Then I got into thinking, why not do what I am doing right now for a living?

Writer: Give me a working keyboard and that should not be that hard. Or, you can always donate if you like what you read.

Photographer: I actually did better with a camera phone than some of those who had expensive SLR, picture me with an SLR, WOHO!

English Teacher: Kill is a verb, Grand Boss is a noun, cute is an adjective. How hard can this be?

Novelist: Yes I can tell a story.

Political Activist: I know there are many, but any idiot can be one. Look at the ones we already have and tell me I cannot be one.

Dumb Mathematician: I know I cannot be a smart one.

Designer: One bastard had a zipper on a dishdasha. He sold it for 500 K.D. and all of a sudden he is a visionary artist. I sure can do better than that.

Economist: I am good at it, and we need a couple of those.

Of coarse there are always other alternatives: Driver, prostitute, and thief. But we got enough of those. (I Do not want to mess the supply and demand curve). I told you I was a good economist did I not?

The main thing holding me from fulfilling my dream is making the perfect resignation letter.

I always say: If you want to do, do BIG!

And for that I have to wait.

Aside from that, why is there different connotation to the word open-minded?

Does it depend on the person or the situation?

One "open-minded" person thought not being racist was it.

Another viewed it as alcoholism.

Some even mistaken it for sexual addiction. Being a whore is not being open minded.

So please do not attempt to cover your carnal obsessions, drug addictions, and failures by being "open minded".

Not that I am against them.

Hooray For Financial Crisis!

2008-11-01T12:27:00.009+03:00

I like what is happening right now with the economy. It is rather exciting. Everytime I am free I go to the KSE and look at the sad faces. I cannot help but feel joy inside. I actually try and figure out how much they lost so far.

That guy with the white beard looks like he had lost 2,000 K.D. People are going insane, selling their stocks dirt cheap. I see the trades and I know someone is playing around, there are people profiting from this economic crisis.

I like how dramatic Karam goes over his money. One day he puts his rug on sale, the next day he takes a donkey. Trying to start a protest every chance he gets, He's so crazy. Good thing they booked him in for starting an illegal protest.

Some how the many 6ararat are not begging anymore. I think that's stupid. During this very crisis people try and give charity hoping God would give them back.

I know for a fact that, if not sooner, the crisis will end by December/January. This is all just to prove the inefficiency of capitalism. Every couple of years all its dirt goes on surface. Outside help is needed to make things better. As soon as they temporarily fix it, people get so happy they forget.

Hey at least I got to be on the news and a couple of newspapers as a random spectator. Sad faces everywhere, Nasser is smiling. I know I can talk about everything in details for hours. I do not want to. I will just contribute that everything is going to be fine. Sooner or later, everything does.

In the end, everyone is losing. I was told it is easy to make money when the economy is hyper. The hard part is to control your losses during a crisis like this. This is what separates the good investors from the bad ones.

OFF TOPIC: What is your favorite internal organ?

To Hell in a Handbasket

2008-10-18T22:10:00.003+03:00

A good friend of mine is working on her Ph.D. in Computer Science. Part of her research is to develop technology to help aid Mentally Retarded people in Kuwait. (I know its politically incorrect to say Mentally Retarded but that's the technical term).

Apparently, since 1988, mental disability care in Kuwait had declined. I thought we do not need any technology to help them Mentally disabled people. Tards managed to help themselves fine over the years. As a matter of fact I can name a bunch of tards who are producing, providing, and maintaining just fine.

Take our lovely government for example. We have a bunch of retards running a whole lot of retards. There might be many who are normal, but they are usually pushed down. Our medical and educational system might be a good illustration of how to go beyond retardness. We got Bengali janitors working side by side with the nurses. The other day I had a Bengali with a razor offering to shave a relative's chest for his heart surgery, wearing those contaminated plastic yellow gloves claiming it was "nazeef". I have never trusted anyone with a razor other than my barber "Shahbaz" and myself. I sure as hell won't trust a hospital janitor. I thought there were gay filipino nurses to do that, and you get to get a happy ending too!

My other example is the Ministry of Education. Apparently, they teach English for all now. My good friend taught English for 5 years now, he never failed anyone! I was impressed that there were no dumb students. Back in the day, there were a couple of bright ones (e7em e7em) and whole bunch of dense ones.

He said he had the dumbest students but he did not fail them. When I asked why, his answer was that he taxed those kids by beating them senseless. I thought they banned beating, apparently he did not get that memorandum.

He simply made it clear. Had he failed a kid, his parents are going to nag and they would eventually beat that kid then he'll have to teach him again next year or even have make up duty by the end of his summer vacation. So instead he declares marshall law and spare himself all that inconvenience. He compensate for their stupidity, physically. It's like double jeopardy, a slap for a D.

Speaking of schools, they do not even own computers. I think the educational system relies on students to self educate at home by msn and facebook. That is a good way of creating independent individuals.

Of coarse, that's just a straw in a haystack for our case. We go beyond social workers and governmental sectors. Sure it takes you 6 hours to renew a torn driving license by passing through 12 staff employees, but that's nothing. Tards got most control. They managed to run for elections and get voted for by more tards further ruining a beautiful place I'd like to call home. I say: Anarchy or Bust.

So why do we need technology for the tards? Don't they already have nokias? Do they not gain their expertise by bluetoothing, and downloading music and porn? What else do we need?
I know! We need to be more like Um Abdullah. We need more plastic surgeons. Then even the more obvious looking mentally disabled, like people with down syndrome, would look normal. After all, why should we accept those scary looking people, we can't have that now can we?

Double Cheeseburger

2008-10-15T21:14:00.003+03:00

My cousin Khalood keeps asking me for more posts.

He wants to read something while at work.

Well this one is for you. We the best, Khaled.

For me, ideas pop quicker than ping pong balls from a Thai chick.

I was talking yesterday with a friend about double standards.

Double standards nowadays comes in all shapes and sizes.

Just like those people who act conservatively against what the world has become but at the same time contribute to its social failure. (hint hint Mr. Lo7ya Man).

Those are the very same people who ask for a clean environment but use automobiles.

Yeah, you're not any better than the drillers since you buy their product.

I once talked to a drunk complaining about the corruption in this country. La ya sheeekh?

But double standards go way further than that.

Like asking for equality among Kuwaitis but profiling a certain nation/3irj. Better yet not marrying certain people..

And then they call me racist. You are either profiling or not. You cannot choose to be both. Never worked that way.

I heard about a feminist who gave my buddy a girly thank you when he decided to pay for their meal's check.

Had it been me, I would have split it.

Not as a form of stinginess rather than a way of expressing my utter consideration for her "movement".

How would you like that Betty Friedan?

Speaking of Betty, what are the consequences of asking a Feminist Dyke for a Blow Job?

I know it sounds ugly, but does not a Job give them a sense of accomplishment?

What brought all that up?

The fact that we knew a bunch of dudes who were GAGA for the opposite gender.

Usually, they are pretty nice and cool to be with.

But when it comes to the ladies, it's a different story.

Everything changes.

All of a sudden their alter ego appear.

Voice goes soft, eyes becomes sweet, and chest gets inflated.

I do not mind that really, but it hurts to know someone who takes it that far.

Kind of ruins my rep, as if I care about it.

Some dudes actually punk themselves to reach their goal.

But then again, DS comes into action.

I guess everyone has their share of DS.

I guess double standards are not that bad.

I will just label extreme cases with a different euphemism.

I am going to call it Double Cheeseburger.

I hope no one, including us Khalood, meets a Double Cheeseburger, nor become into one.

Magul ela Allah yer7am ayamik ya Popeye.

P.S.

The lyrics to Popeye's song goes a little bit like this:

I'm Popeye the Sailor Man

I Yam What I Yam

And That's All That I Yam

I'm Popeye The Sailor Man

Much To My Misfortune

2008-10-14T21:45:00.003+03:00

I have yet to see someone die right after saying: "HEY GUYS WATCH THIS".

I am looking forward to it though...

Loser's Heaven

2008-10-11T11:21:00.002+03:00

I want to be on facebook. I want to put my face in a book. I want my profile to have a picture of me half naked so people could see how sexy my body is. I like the attention. I do not want people to admire my personality. I want to be seen as an object. I want a lot of comments about it too. I want them to call me Kooki. Kooki sounds 6y. 6y is short for SEXY. I will also write my words with numb3rs because I am too hip, and I am too busy. I also want ROOROO to comment on my photo. I liked her profile, she had a pic of her showing her butt with the word ROOROO typed over the yellow & black picture of her. She likes "fotoshob". After all, she did make her picture yellow & black all by herself. That must have been an accomplishment. How do I win Rooroo's heart? She got 60,000.324 friends! Maybe, if I had my bare chest with 24 pacs she'd be attracted to me. Why am I doing all that? Is it because I'm lonely? Maybe mommy did not give me enough attention? Or maybe I'm just a Loser...

Slow Death to the Masses

2008-10-07T20:53:00.014+03:00

There was that beige bermuda physician with real big toes, all and all she looked cute.

Speaking of which, since when did nutritionists became doctors? I was never informed!

And doctor Hussa was talking about why that tailor made cuter lab coats.

I say try finding a tailor who makes cuter scrubs, pink is not the way to go.

Doctors are very nice, I really think they're cool, I just refuse to trust anyone who smiles that much.

Plus what if they can't diagnose decapitation? That can't be good!

I might trust House though. He's realistic

He's an asshole too, assholes are more credible.

I have been weird lately, basically I'm checking shoes and toes, deciding what should be my official drink for the time being, and counting days.

Right now my official drink is Tonic Water, it used to be sparkling, but now it changed.

My cousin Khaled got me addicted to it.

As for counting, if it was true that every cigarette I smoke reduces a day of my life span, I have already wasted 160 years.

I have been super distracted lately, I just came to find out that the heart muscle can shoot blood 10 meters in the air.

I really want to see this theory in action, I bet it'd make a big mess though.

The funny thing is, there is a smoking room in Al Amiri Hospital!

No, I am not talking about the stairs, where I usually smoke.

Any public hospital in Kuwait is a deathtrap.

Sicko aint got shit on our health system!

But the sad part was me finding a cigarette butt in the elevators, no, a burn mark on a private room's bed sheet.

I can't figure which is worse really.

Since I was 15 I have not went to any doctor, I somehow reckoned I can fix my self.

I know if I ever get the chance to goto a physician I'd find all types of diseases.

They say even saliva can kill you!

Only if swallowed in small portions over a long period of time!

But then again, I can't trust anyone who is being too nice to me, so instead I have been treating my self with herbs.

And no I am not referring to pot.

I bet I can spot a trainee doc from an expert. Just by eyeballing him/her.

Is it considered stealing?

If I shopped out of someone else's shopping cart?

I mean the shelves did not carry it, but I found the last available item!

I was stalking that lady earlier just to grab that thing I wanted.

The way I see it is, she did not pay, it was still for sale.

So was that stealing? Please advise.

Speaking of Stalking, I miss her.

Lastly, Dubai is a good place to be! Emaraties are SUPER nice too!

But the native ladies still have that weird bokla thing on their heads!

Please update.

I think Dubai derives from Do Buy, it was not more than a huge mall!

With clubs on the side..

Boredom is a Helluva Disease!

2008-09-29T00:07:00.003+03:00

When was the last time you did something for the first time?

By 19 I've done it all. By 23 everything else happened.

Now I'm almost 26. I've been bored ever since!

The Chiquita Monologue

2008-09-27T21:30:00.004+03:00

I do not mean to be cynical, who am I kidding? YES I DO.

But how come everytime I goto a Persian "baqala" and ask for a "moza" the guy instantly asks: MOOZ?

Try it, it works! EVERYTIME.

They got me buying bananas from every baqala I pass just to prove my point!

I'm not trying to be paranoid, but are they doing it on purpose?

Speaking of which, isn't honking at a baqala guy to bring what I want kind of degrading? Especially if he was over 70?

Is it not a type of forced slavery?

There have been wars over bananas in the past.

So try to refrain from honking at a baqala!

The Silent Listener

2008-09-27T04:39:00.007+03:00

No really I'm loud,

But I am no Dr. Phil. Yes, I shave my head, I am not bald though!

However, I think people are mistaking me for him.

They keep laying relationship problems on me like eggs on easter.

I love this girl, but she's bla bla bla... (SHUT THE FUCK UP).

I do not know what to do about that yada yada yada... (SILENCE! In a James Earl Grey tone with a posh British accent).

I do not mind if people start laying their problems on me. Honestly, I want to help.

But somethings are almost unsolvable.

Speaking of which, can you justify cheating just because everyone else is doing it?

It's like watching retards fucking, just because it's funny.

Sure it's funny, it's perverse too!

PLUS, GIVE ME SOMETIME TO DEAL WITH MY OWN RELATIONSHIP!

Speaking of which, during the past year, the closest I got to a real relationship was a facebook profile, better yet a phone call to Hala Watani 801801.

And she keeps telling me I'm broke too! BITCH!

HOW TO QUIT IT!

2008-09-25T23:24:00.005+03:00

The question was running through my head faster than a stampeding herd of angry oxen (metaphor).

So you just won a million?
How would you quit your job?

I thought:

Take a picture of my bare butt with the words: I QUIT, (SIGNATURE). Right under it.

Or maybe,

Stand on my employer's desk and piss: I QUIT! On his carpet.

My friend told me I won't quit, I work for the governmental sector. I'll go to my job whenever I want, (khal yakh9em kether ma yabi) he said.

I did not know that there was a NO FIRING policy in the governmental sector.

What about you? What would you do, career wise, in case you made a million. (Assuming that a million is a large amount).

In other news:

I'm trying to update this blog thingy, just like the homeless, I'm demanding change!

It's been a while and I need help.

If you're up for it please drop me a line here.

I know many of you breath blogs and stuff.

So hook me up with tips, suggestions, and minor technical help.

I Need Talents!

2008-09-25T00:26:00.002+03:00

I don't think I will ever be able to justify dancing in the middle of a street or a mall wearing only a pair of socks.
That's why I will not do it (anytime soon). Unless I reach a whole different level of craziness, which I have failed to achieve (so far).

But if there was one ability I can develop it would be: Staring at people dead in the eyes and making their heads explode.
I know I can make something handy of that skill.

All in a Day's Work

2008-09-17T00:03:00.002+03:00

Ramadan Work Hours:

9 A.M. - 3 P.M.

Nasser's Version:

10 A.M. Take the G.M.'s Parking Spot (Which literally has "6weel el 3omor's" name on it).

Start my P.C. at 10:15, I was socializing a bit with my colleagues.

Shut down the P.C. at 11:30.

Without excusing my self, I left at 12:00 P.M. Again I took my time socializing. (Being popular is a curse).

12:30 P.M. In bed till 5:45 P.M.

P.S. I work at a private sector company!

Please Don't Stare!

2008-09-14T00:18:00.003+03:00

I like going out.

I also like to eventually grab a cup of java.

I like driving around with "no-goal-in-life" listening to my favorite tracks.

The thing I do not like is how people here stare at each other.

Everyone has that "despised" look on their faces.

I do not understand why people here have an attitude problem.

Big Daddy loser walking around with no accomplishment in life, thinking he's the best thing that ever happened in this country just because his mom thinks so along with his idiot friends.

Part of the reason I'm noting this common epidemic is due to an incident that took place sometime today.

Usually, whenever I'm out, the ratio of men to ladies in a place is 100:2.

While around 80% of the guys instantly assume that those two ladies fell in love with them, I sit back and enjoy the subliminal moves, messages and stares they throw at miss thing and her partner.

Sure, this really pumps some confidence to fatty, but the general order in Kuwait is: "Ma7ad e6ee7 ib chabd nafsa/ha".

So back to the lady incident that took place earlier today. While waiting on my order at the nearest Starbucks, speaking of that, Is it me? or is the line at Starbucks way too long, as if they're spreading their shit for free?

So yeah, while waiting, I accidently backed on some chick.

I immediately turned around and apologized.

Next thing I know, Bitch looks at me as if I was small! Rolls her eyes at me as if I was flashing!

See I did not expect any reply from her. I did not ask for an "it's ok.."

I specifically apologized to avoid her hostility!

Stuff like that makes you not want to leave your house!

But I guess it is safe to say: Common courtesy is not so common in Kuwait.

A.C.

2008-04-26T03:46:00.003+03:00

I left as if I was programmed to run the hell away from home.

The only thing I don't like about my place is called: NO A.C.!

The lack of cool air really messes my decision making abilities. So I escaped to my friend's place. (Where I can also score free food).

As soon as I'm at my friend's I noticed too many cars. Being the idiot I am, I went in (I was still in my PJ's).

Much to my dismay, it was his father's day to use the Duwaneya.

They had two features which I couldn't resist:

1- Small Duwaneya.
2- Freezer-like air conditioning.

While enjoying the cool breeze I came to find out something that may help many of you in life.

Your credibility gradually increases/decreases depending on what you're wearing.

Which brings me to a major Q: When did everyone suddenly become a political critique in this country?

I don't mind sharing/hearing the "eventual" political P.O.V on certain matters, but certainly not with an INFANT!!

In Heaven We Shall Meet..

2008-03-29T01:35:00.003+03:00

It is very hard to keep somethings inside.

At some point I need a person to tell what is bothering me.

But what if I do not have that person?

What can I do when there is too much inside and it cannot be vented?

I think I should just wait until I explode.

I never meant hurting anyone, but I recently did.

I might not talk to the people I hurt, for that I apologize.

Since last week I have been wishing and praying for my death.

I sure hope it would be quick and painless, but I know deserve a slow and painful one.

I rarely fuck up, not that I am perfect or anything, I just try to avoid mistakes.

But when I do eventually fuck up, I do it big. For that I am sorry.

Recently I gambled with three lives one of which is mine. I lost the bet.

No one died during the process, I just know that the three of us will never be the same.

The value of what is considered priceless is unknown until it is lost.

And when I eventually lost, all I had left was hope and regret.

I hope I can redeem my self. I hope I would be forgiven. I hope I can fix what I broke.

I regret what I did. I wish it never happened. I should not have done it.

And for that I am very sorry.

Minor Update..

2007-12-15T14:24:00.000+03:00

A week after my last post I went back to Kuwait. It was GREAT! (Greater than Tony's super crunchy and great tasting Frosties!)

Everything seemed to be going smooth and sweet.
I got a job, I actually demanded to buy my own car instead of relying on la familia. (BAD DECISION).

I haven't been posting anything since. I thought I need to sink into the society to re post. I'm still here. I got a story for EVERYDAY that passed by. My only problem is.. I don't get people!

It's like I can easily blend, but I always manage to ask myself: Are they normal? Is that right?

Reminds me of a quote..

Just when I discovered the meaning of life, it changed!

I can't seem to think straight, but my only refuge now is work. I've ended up being a workaholic! Me, out of all people!

Sour!

2007-07-08T07:46:00.001+03:00

There is something about this commercial!
You know it's successful when by the end of those 30 seconds you start tasting sour!
I'm simply speechless.
I don't know how they came up with it, but I think it's genius!

Yemenite Troupe

2007-07-03T01:11:00.000+03:00

I have been listening to this song a lot lately.
I am not quite sure why but I like the tone. GREAT MUSIC
Performed by the Yemenite Troupe. They are a yemenite jew folklore band!
Half of it is in Arabic and the other half is Hebrew. Kinda cool. What's special about it is that they are doing it live infront of the camera..

Too Late?

2007-07-01T22:11:00.001+03:00

Yo peony whats up.
School sucks for me but I'm sure you did not think I forgot now did you?
I really don't know if this shit is mandatory or what but Ima doit just not be the party pooper.
Sorry for the delay, Yes I'm that important (not really, school sucks though).

A Available or single — relationships suck!
B BestFriend — My friends are all dead and buried, sometimes I wish the sun would just explode..
C Cake or pie — gur9 e3gaili
D Dance or exercise — I can't dance to save my life..
E Essential Item — Anything that covers the bottom portion of my body.
F Favorite color — Black & White (maybe Gray)..
G Gummy bears or worms — gummy bears! (All the freaking way).
H Home town — Y-City (In Kuwait).
I Indulgence — Kuwait
J January or February — Feb..
K Kids — Have no purpose, they smell like sour milk, and I hate that freaking crusted booger above their lips..
L Life — is a beach..
M Marriage — is another way of castrating a person (if done right)!
N Number of siblings — I got a few
O Oranges or apples — Both!
P Phobias — Invertebrate.
Q Favourite Quote — “If all else fails, go crazy and punch people” - ANON
R Reasons to smile — It's Free? (I usually do it for no reasons)
S Season — Summer!
T Tag 3 people — I Tag nobody
U Unknown fact about me — I'm a real good public speaker.. (I just discovered that!)
V/W Worst habit — Smoking!
X/Y Your favourite Food — Mandi (I've been hanging around a lot of Qatarese lately)..
Z Zodiac — AQUA (whatever valentines is)

My work is done.

Pretty Fly

2007-06-12T06:44:00.000+03:00

I like that they're trying.
Plus they got heart for actually doing it outside the showers!
Enjoy.

Weather is good, people are not!

2007-06-05T05:59:00.000+03:00

I was watching the weather news on al arabiya, not that I care how hot it is anymore since its ungodly everywhere, but the weatherman's "mullet" had an entity of its own! Something about a storm in elrub3 elkhali? Bs lel7en el "mullet" mal ooma da3i!

And this "medium-well" news anchor is wearing his father's suit! Way too large buddy.

I think it sucks that I'm watching this network. What really makes you actually give a damn about anything anymore is being broke!

Shit, I guess I'm eating noodles tonight (since I blew all my kharda on shit I don't really need), AND no coke... lemme flip to al arabiya...

جماعة تسعى لتأسيس جمعية للحد من تبادل القبل في جميع أشكالها why not?

الفلسطينيون في حالة فقر لا سابق لها بعد أربعين عاما من الاحتلال

سبعة جرحى في انفجار في حافلة ركاب بسدّ البوشرية شرق بيروت

El7emdilla 3ala kel 7al.

EVEN THOUGH I LIKE TITS!

2007-05-17T04:08:00.000+03:00

The following TOP-SHELF post is courtesy of Al-Arabiya (the news network that lacks news).

For those who do not know, I am both Muslim and straight (among many other great things).

MOVING ON.

So you are working in a shared office. Your only coworker is of an opposite sex. Islamically speaking this is called الخلوة المحرمة. So far, so good.

So is there a way to avoid "sinning"?

YES THERE IS!

This is where my tit bit comes in handy.

Male employee gets off his desk and lock the door (I would only assume privacy is preferred).
Female employee then whips out a titty (one is OK, two is just milking it).
Male employee then assumes the position and starts sucking on that tit five times!!!!!

In accordance to:

د.عزت عطية رئيس قسم الحديث بكلية أصول الدين بجامعة الأزهر فجر مفاجأة حيث أباح للمرأة العاملة أن تقوم بإرضاع زميلها في العمل منعاً للخلوة المحرمة، إذا كان وجودهما في غرفة مغلقة لا يفتح بابها إلا بواسط أحدهما.

واكد عطية لـ"العربية.نت" أن إرضاع الكبير يكون خمس رضعات وهو يبيح الخلوة ولا يحرم الزواج، وان المرأة في العمل يمكنها أن تخلع الحجاب أو تكشف شعرها أمام من أرضعته، مطالباً توثيق هذا الإرضاع كتابة ورسميًا ويكتب في العقد أن فلانة أرضعت فلانًا.

What's worse than thinking it is saying it! What's worse than that is publishing it!

And this is where I lost my sanity. I have always thought that two wrongs do not make a right! Now (ba3ad ma khar'ha MAWLANA) my perspective on things has changed!

For years I thought a female was a PERSON, now it appears to be she is but a pair of tits on a meat popsicle!

If the screen was not fucking with my eyes AND I still can comprehend Arabic correctly, then that sounded creepy! So would someone tell me what happened to courtesy? Did it just disappear?

Did they not put any consideration regarding the awkwardness of the situation in the long run?

You cannot suck a coworker's tit and later be casual about it! There are certain protocols accompanied with it!

PLUS: What does he call that woman from there on? 7abeebty? yumma? Do they exchange numbers? What happens from there on?! You cannot act as if nothing happened!

3ala sheno his PhD. hatha? 3ala 6al ib 3aina.. Shal fatwa elsamja? I have been questioning al azhar's basic decision making skills for quite sometime, but this is the last straw. This is where I draw the line.

Who in their right mind would suggest that? NOBODY! Then what drug made him utter those words in one sentence?

Female: Mawlana I feel uncomfortable working with a man at my office.
Mawlana: Bo9i ya benti, inty t6ala3i sidrik wetkhalih ye7lib. (I shall not choose other than yi7lib since his so-called fatwa seemed more appropriate for cows!)

Is he taking his "target market" for granted?
Who would even believe that crap?
I am telling you; telling a lie like this to one's face is just as bad as spitting on one's face then farting on it!
Disgusting is what it is!

In conclusion, I do not think this "Fatwa" is correct due to its absurdness.

I guess what I'm trying to say is I love tits but this is preposterous!

retro hyundai

2007-05-15T20:48:00.000+03:00

Now if I can only find an abandarado commercial!

هايونداي السيارة الحلوه من مؤسسة جمعة الماجد

B Aggressive!

2007-05-11T08:09:00.000+03:00

This shit is TOP SHELF.
WATCH IT!

Weekend

2007-04-29T19:04:00.000+03:00

After few PS2 "WE" matches. We started flipping channels. Suddenly we hit the much disputed Melody. I didn't know it was melody but then Haifa happened wearing her good ol gomlag. (Freaking attention whore).

So we started asking each other, how the hell did we go from REAL art to this intellectual brothel? (da3ara fikriya - Nice sa7?). And what kinda people are smsing these channels?

Were they old and horny?
Am I wrong for not understanding the basic motives behind smsing or even watching that degrading crap?
What if it was a youngster?
Ma warahom ahal erabonhom?

And then we figured it out! That was Freedom of Choice! Unfortunately, many don't deserve it. (Atleast the people watching those crappy music gold digging channels).

Much to my dismay I must make the following Public Service Announcement:

Dear TV "Smser"
If you send these msgs and you are above 16 - PLEASE roo7 et3alaj.
If you were a youngster 16 or younger - Please roo7 dawirlik 3n ahal erabonik basra3 wagt momkin ya wer3.

What happened to courtesy? Did it just disappear?

And now I proudly present to you my favorite Musical Video Clip(s):

I Wanna ROCK!

2007-04-28T19:19:00.000+03:00

Avis commercial.
Smart..
I wanna rock performed by Twisted Sister

Oh, and they do try harder. Unfortunately, they're not everywhere.

Starburst

2007-04-20T08:10:00.000+03:00

Suddenly Starburst became an instant impulse product!
This maybe due to their latest TV Ad.
I can't even begin describing how much I loved it!

Bismol

2007-04-17T19:54:00.000+03:00

The following statement is true.

The Preceding statement is false.

Brought to you by: Sticky's Sponsorship Funds.
For a better life click here.

makes you think..

2007-04-07T23:10:00.000+03:00

Tag:

1- never slept more than 24 hrs!
2- got the ability to shut off from all surroundings.
3- have an ambition of growing my beard till my belly and dying it with henna.
4- still wanna be a cop.
5- can sleep anywhere! Literally.
6- look at things differently.
7- own four alarm clocks two of which has two different alarms.
8- middle finger "imkha9ar".
9- would taste any food item, atleast once. (except reptiles). Maybe snake.
10- don't believe in "phobia".

Check this out - Walla it's worth it!
I loved the old days! As I recall.

The Question was:
What would you do If you "had" a superpower.
I liked the "Hardcore Salmiya Fan" - Who said we didn't have hooligans? :P

What Happened?

2007-04-05T10:29:00.000+03:00

I might be out of date. Matter of fact men zman wana da2a 2adeema.. shako?
But right now I'm watching an Anime Movie.
Karas: The Prophecy.
It's crazy. The good kind!
I know someone would actually watch it based on this recommendation.

END

Coming Soon.
As requested by her.

E*Trade Super Bowl Ad

2007-03-14T21:33:00.000+03:00

I really found these ads to be smart, funny and amusing.

A Brief Explanation of Life

2007-03-14T00:18:00.000+03:00

"Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?" asked Alice.
"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the cat. "I don't much care where," said Alice.
"Then it doesn't matter which way you go," said the cat.

-Lewis Carrol, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland

Update - 6afshan!

2007-03-06T22:53:00.000+03:00

I woke up few hours back to Queen's I Want It ALL!
I kinda miss school.
Weird? Not totally.
I've been bored.

Right now I'm listening to: Siki Siki Baba by Ferdi Tayfur while in the process of searching for a band called "Sala6in el6arab".

So how bored am I?
Lemme give you a hint...

Spring has Sprung.

2007-03-04T07:46:00.000+03:00

After many class projects, right on the verge of finals, we had few days of break.
I utilized it by making it the beginning of my Spring Break/Mardi Gras!

Few of my friends and I were pretty convinced that we maybe able to take those 3 days off to party (NOLA). We did..

Parades, beads, boobs and booze (for those of you vulnerable to alcohol).

What about my Midterms? Yeah, I gave up on studying!

Anyways, I did good (7emdilla).

The weather was rather weird, it was freezing then they told us to watch out for tornadoes! Next day it was officially SPRING!

Since that day I did nothing but doodle, read and play DS. (Oh, I also did some "spring" cleaning too!)

School's back on Wednesday though. WHERE THE HELL IS THAT TORNADO WHEN WE NEED IT?!

Speaking of Spring, I guess I'll just leave you with Ol' Blue Eyes.

Spirit Journey Formation Anniversary

2007-02-14T12:34:00.000+03:00

Deep within the wall of time, a creature thus be born. See the mighty united with the egg of tyranny. Check this force within the womb of life for three-quarter but night yeah, The creature thus be born. The creature thus be born.

You can't have birth without death. It's the duplicitous edge which we all walk upon.

Salaam Bombay

2007-02-10T03:31:00.000+03:00

This movie is great. Wiki.
Kama Sutra was good too.

NOLA Revisited

2007-02-06T11:41:00.000+03:00

Well hello there friend,
Couldn't help but notice you bored and browsing.
Well we're here to help.

I'm in French Quarter, NOLA.
Right about now I'm in my retro, cobalt blue, three striped Adidas shorts in bed.

Just done writing and power pointing about: The value of Global Brands and its Social Responsibility to a Region's Culture. (I think I'm Ace when it comes to projects). GRANTED, its mainly focused on the Middle East.

The reason behind this post is to help promote a new Blogger.

I think, next to mine, his blog maybe the best online:

He is one of the reasons I like Anime and Cheesy Filipino Films
(By that I mean Far Eastern Flicks, including BUT not limited to: Korean, Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, Hong Kong-enese and other Filipino regions.)

The Author: A brother, roommate, friend, partner in crime, fellow sushi abuser and an obsessive gamer. He's best known for cooking the best Pasta, Nukhi and Accidental "Yeresh".

Ladies and Gentlemen bow your shoulders and pretend to be serious. For I shall present to you: SALMAN (ROCK you like a Hurricane).

P.S. Since this blog isn't a democracy and since by being here you're automatically subject to following my direct orders, I order you to visit his Blog. (Based on Article 9 Passed on Nov '06).

P.S.S. For every time you don't visit I shall kill you.

To err is human; to forgive, Divine.

2007-02-01T02:51:00.000+03:00

So I wasn't in the "mood" to blog while being "Ass Raped" (Midterms).
The way I see it; when your only fate is to be fucked - might as well ENJOY!

I can't but be inspired when seeing a smartly administered despicable Ad campaign.

If you've been reading my blog enough, you'd probably notice how much I have regard for Aqua Teen Hunger Force.

Earlier today I was watching my morning news (1:00 P.M.). Police found what resembled "Bombs" in strategic places scattered around the City of Boston.

To make things short, in the end they found out it was nothing but an Ad campaign for ATHF's upcoming movie. I think it was a real smart campaign, I like it when the little things create a big HOO-HA.

Now the City of Boston is demanding an apology from Turner Broadcasting. Which happens to own both ATHF of adult swim of Cartoon Network and CNN that made a HUGE deal out of it!

P.S. The character displayed above, err, also happens to be featured as my user icon on flickr.

Further info here and here.

Animals

2007-01-24T00:02:00.000+03:00

I love animals!
Ivan the Terrible, 1st Czar of Russia, thought he was personally anointed by God to be the Ruler of Russia. He also enjoyed torturing animals as a kid.

I love fishes, mice, cats, cows, sheep, monkeys, peaches.. Wait peaches are fruits. Native to China too, Nihoa! But back to our subject. I want to start by giving few fun facts about Animals.

A 'bitch' is more likely to bite you than a male dog. (No wonder they call her a bitch).
Cows have 4 stomachs. (That's like how many hot dogs?)
A zebra is white with black stripes. (Isn't that supposedly politically incorrect?)
Sharks are immune to cancer. (FIND THE REASON AND THE CURE, please!)
A snail can have about 25,000 teeth.
A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes. (I so wanna be a pig!)
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. (I think I once knew a praying mantis.)
Abalones are a type of snail with five assholes. (If all else fails, start ripping people more assholes than an Abalone.)

Now, you know what I used to really like?

Mice, I loved feeding them to the piranhas! That was long before I vowed not to kill any animal, unless I'm going to eat it.

Fun things to do with mice:

1- Watch them swim, (its legs move like turbines.)
2- Scare them shitless, LITERALLY!

Notice how we scared that poor animal until it shat it self!
So, does that mean we scared it shitfull or shitless?
But back to my valuable pointers!

3- Feed it to the Piranhas!

If you never seen a delicious mouse being grotesquely devoured by a school of piranhas, you're missing half your life. A very fun experiment. (R.I.P. Mouse!).

P.S. That was long before I vowed not to hurt anything.
P.S.S. Some animals were harmed in the making of this post.
P.S.S.S Never EVER name an animal before killing it, it's just gonna make things a little bit complicated.
P.S.S.S.S. Don't ask about my childhood.

random

2007-01-22T22:14:00.000+03:00

Does not being offended by anything means that you're a weaker person with nothing to stand up for?

Or does it mean you're a genius who couldn't care less of what other "unimportant" minds think?

Maybe it's because you're so self-centered?

Surprisingly I rarely EVER get offended, the way I see it is (No matter what is being said): "This person is striving for attention! Or maybe just trying to get me to lose my temper which isn't gonna happen."

Yep, that's my defense mechanism in action.

Ah, Whatever..
When in doubt I always go with this: "He who don't know the way will be lost, he whose lost will eventually find a way."

OK my Lebanese friend said it, I couldn't imitate the accent for shit so I translated. It makes much sense to me really. I also had the weirdest conversation on lunch last night, Would you lick the armpits of someone you love? short answer is NO!

I've also been jealous of that gay dude who desperately wanted to prove he's gay he actually showered with a 100 girls over a period of 1 year. JUST TO PROVE IT!

I wanna do something like that and make a documentary on it!

Speaking of documentaries. I've stumbled upon one called "The Aristocrats". About an inside comedian joke that has many versions. It's basically an offensive, dirty, grotesque joke. (My type of humor.)

This website has a wide range of aristocrats jokes.

There's this Ad I found. DAMN! I loved it, I mean its creative and coming from ze russians it means a lot. Although I'm not sure if its an actual ad or a parody..

I also do think that CBM on MBC is a disgrace. What kind of funny is it? It's not at all funny!

I think I can do a better job writing a show while a chimp acts it out!

Why do we strive to do sketches that aren't working and disgrace ourselves and the brains of viewers? That show has been on for few years now. It wasn't funny then, and aint funny now! Why don't anyone do something about it?

Are there some brain dead bastards out there who actually fancy it? Thats just weird yo.

Speaking of weird,
There are people out there against the execution of Saddam!

Search for any documentary by Kanan Makiya, AN OUTSTANDING REPORTER! He's been on the ba3th's tail since the mid 80's!

If, after watching what that bastard did as chronicled by Kanan, you still against the way he was hung.. You definitely deserve to be hung (and pissed on by me!).

MOFO killed babies! (as much as I thought that'd be funny in a way) NOW I'm against it.

KILLING BABIES IS HEREBY CONSIDERED UNFUNNY!

Ok, what am I doing now?

I'm sorry to say that right about now.. I've far more important matters to attend to.

I'm outty 3000

H2O

2007-01-21T21:13:00.000+03:00

Being a marketing student, I've often been told that we can sell anything. With enough creativity & convincing, us marketers, using the right methods of approach can in fact sell any product. Don't let me start with things we don't need, after all, EVERYONE owns things they don't need. Being a marketing student, I ALSO, managed to comprehend the importance of presenting & packaging.

Now I understand that water, h2o, is a significant need; it's essential to the protraction of life on earth. I'm all for the reshaping and customization in the process of bottling. As a matter of fact, being able to sell consumers a homogeneous good for double its price due to the sole fact of putting it in a different package IS PRICELESS.

I'm sure some would like to claim water as being heterogeneous, but had I had the power of persuasion; I would easily sell you tap water for triple its price only if I convince you it's from the mist of Avalon. The sad part: You'd like it. Why? Cause it's all the same.

Nevertheless, I'm extremely devastated by the fact of producers who ruin our water. Telling us stories about how tap water would ruin our kidneys and not in these words. Better yet, they manipulate the pure H2O and add chemicals to it; They claim to specialize it!

Baby's water, Flavored water, water with "essential minerals", Calcium water and the list goes on. Even Coke and Pepsi produce water!

Normal Water should be pure, transparent and uncontaminated.

Baby's water? I won't even waste energy on commenting on that.

Flavored? Water with sugar and chemicals?

Essential minerals? It's a given, You CAN'T take credit for things you should contain and/or have.

Calcium? Water already contains calcium, at least it should! But with extra calcium, over a long enough period of time, you'd end up walking with your very own dialysis machine. (CUTE!)

Better yet, How can you trust the water of the same people who sell you drinks that EXPLODE with Mentos?

The way I see it, Don't let them bullshit you with chemically infested water. Don't indulge them to ruin what's once was pure and clean by supporting them and buying their dirty water.

Help keep our water clean.